Posted 10/12/2010 1:26 PM (GMT -7)
This is my first time online in... what? I think almost 3 weeks now. I can't believe it's been that long... This was my first stop... next up will be my e-mail, which I have major anxiety to even open :) But, that being said, there's several of you that I want to personally thank and talk to... I'm sorry it's taken me so long....
I don't even know where to start. Well, the best thing is that I'm at home, with two tiny girls laying next to me. We all got home late Saturday. They were born on 9/27.... Alyssa (Ally) weighed 5lbs, 2 ozs - dropped down to 4.13 and is now 5.6; Hailee was born at 4 lbs, 6 ozs - dropped down to 4.3 and is now 4.8. They are doing well and are just adorable; I don't know how we created such precious little things. I can't wait to get some pictures here on the computer and show them to you all.... hopefully within the next couple of days....
But things were rough... harder than I'm yet to probably even put into words. I'm still physically and mentally a mess. I'm trying to "fake it" as much as possible, just in terms of the boys and all... but the whole experience was a nightmare. I'm so thankful for the girls and that they are doing well, so it's hard to say that it went so terribly.... I'm hoping in a few weeks...months...that I'll be able to just hold the girls and forget about how crappy things went.
The whole pain issue became a major focus - and I was treated horribly by several nurses, etc. and several "mistakes" were made along the way. I think Stacy (Catz4) shared with you about one horrible nurse who had no problem telling me what she thought of the fact I needed some pain medication, prior to delivering. Stacy and I were on the phone when this happened; unfortunately, that was about one of about 15 things that happened re: the whole pain thing.
After all of this time, and just being here on the board - I should have expected it and all.... but it's still going to take time to just get over everything that happened. I did so well getting off almost everything during my pregnancy - and to have it end so negatively... I don't know. Anyway, I go back to my regular pain doc next week (who had nothing to do w/ anything; I was at a different hospital)... and life will go on, I know.
Other things that happened - 5 days before birth, the team of doctors ended up switching my anti-depressant.... now, why they didn't do that until 5 days before birth - I'm still trying to figure out. But they felt it would be best for babies, due to the whole half-life thing w/ Effexor. So, I went from Effexor to Prozac to Zoloft. All I can say is that messing w/ someone's anti-depressant, right before delivering twins - probably was NOT the best thing to do. I've been on Effexor for a few years now, and been stable on the dose and all... so I'm still trying to work now to get my meds straightened back out. Add that to just the whole post-partum thing.... and I feel right on the edge of the cliff. Not quite falling off; but feeling like I'm about to at any point.
I also needed a blood transfusion due to the amount of blood I lost during surgery... this was the main reason why it's taken me so long to get back online... even after the transfusion, I've felt so weak, it's ridiculous. I go back in this week to recheck my levels.
Re: the girls... they were just small, but overall - did really well, for being preemies and such. They were in the NICU but it was mostly for just needing to grow and help maintaining their body temps.
I hate that this sounds so negative :) It's just been a really rough few weeks... but I know things will turn around. Time heals lots of things. It's only been 2 weeks for me, too, so I just need more time to rest and heal... not just from the actual surgery, but from all those weeks of bedrest and such.
Thank you all for all the prayers and support you gave me - for so many months. Your love and encouragement carried me through on many, many days. I hope you know how much it means to me.
I'll update more soon, and I'll be reading and posting more as things get more settled here. Thanks again for everything, especially for being so patient for me to get through all of this! Again, I hope to get some pictures up this week.... I think of you all daily and hope you are all doing ok...
Much love to you all... --Tina