I am moved to tears again. I have been off and on so many times. I write a bit, then when things start to slip when the pain gets bad, I forget to log out or simply shut my computer. I apologize to all for not responding sooner. I know you all understand and probably have been there before.
Chartreux, Jim, Spinal soldier and Flower, Thank you for the words of encouragement and support. The advice you have given is excellent, and I am blessed to have friends of strong faith themselves. It makes a world of difference to know I am not alone and to hear ways that have worked for others. It never feels good to know others have suffered, but for you all to be willing to share with me is truly a gift. Also Spinal, I love that Bible reference and have placed it in all the places I encounter daily to remind myself.
Debbie, You dont need to work on shortening to a few lines. What you wrote is perfect as well as wise and helping me see that I am not at fault. I am always hardest on myself. You are right about making the best of it, but also there are times that mourning what is lost may be healthier for me than ignoring it. I am the type to ignore myself for others. I will get back to being able to make the best of it with faith and time. My pastor also told me that God is never promising to make life easy or to take away our trials, only to give us support, love and knowledge to make our way through it if we seek Him. It helps to know that others understood this well before the light bulb when on over my head!
Stace, LOL about your journal. Thank you for the laugh and sharing. It is comforting to have someone echo so closely how I feel about myself most days. I understand about the stairs too. Between the knee and ankle arthritis to the lowered strength in my abdominal muscles they are daunting on a good day. The reminder that all God wants is to be still and hear him or see the blessings he provides was powerful. In my anger at myself for not reaching my own expectations of mother and wife I lost sight of that. When I take a moment to be still for God, things aren't so bad anymore.
Dani, Have I ever told you that you are amazing? All those things you used for me apply to you dear! I dont know how you continue to say what moves me to see myself in a new light, but you always come through. Thank you.
Paula, Last but never least on my list! You heard what the true issue was in my post. Faith in myself and feeling that the Lord wants my faith and loves me no matter what I do has definitely been the greatest struggle so far. It is hard to see my value to Him when I am not capable of what I may feel is right or what I want to show to others. Thank you for reminding me that He doesn't see us as we see ourselves, and that losing my faith in myself won't help me keep faith with Him.
All of you are an inspiration to me everyday. I pray for each and every one of you. Every knot I tie and twist of the yarn in my prayer shawls are filled with thoughts of you, so that the person wrapping themselves in its warmth can know what it means to be loved and cared for. Although it always feels inadequate, thank you is all I have to give.
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw
Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, adhesions, and a kidney stone! Wait, future medial transcript
ionist I must say ureteral calculus!