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Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 11/20/2010 1:30 AM (GMT -6)   
 
  Dear Friends & Family,
 
     Most of us are quiet, and emotionally much stronger than those around us. It is one of the side effects of long term chronic pain. It isn't that it DOESN'T bother us. On the contrary, it does. A LOT! But, often times, we keep it all bottled up inside.
 
    Who better to vent to than those who know you best? This thread is for getting it all out. For venting.  It is important that we take the time to release the frustration... least we have a major blow up.
 
     This is where you can let it out. Once you let it go.. forgive and forget. As best you can. Get it out and take a deep breath. We wont take offense, we understand. Share it with us. 
 
                                                                      smhair smhair smhair
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Chronic Pain Moderator
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antbuggey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 594
   Posted 11/20/2010 12:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Okay....here goes! I really hate the holidays and I hate it even more, that I hate them! I used to love the holidays! I love giving gifts and being around people! I used to make gifts for people and they were always unique and fun! I loved hosting parties and enjoying the company! CP has taken this all from me!! First off it has destroyed us financially! How can I even think about buying gifts or stuff to make gifts when it is 29 degrees outside, and we are using small space heaters in each bedroom trying to keep warm, because I can't afford to get my gas turned on! I could care less about receiving gifts...really, I don't care if I get anything....but I love love love giving gifts! So...not only do I not have the money... I hurt too bad to do anything!! Also, I don't want to be around people....any people! I adore my husband, but find myself being thankful when he goes to work! I stay in my room most the day....either on the computer or sleeping! And outside of the family in my house (which there is 8 of us) and my daughter (who I would love to see but can't because she is in Colorado) I don't want to see anyone! I have a lot of family and friends around here that I have not seen in weeks and we live in a very small town! I never was like this! NEVER! I hurt so bad all the time and I have gained so much weight, because I don't do anything, that I am just not comfortable around anyone anymore! I know that my friends don't understand my pain and I feel like both friends and family feel like I am dragging my husband down with me! He does not feel that way....at all...I have practically begged him to leave me and he won't! Sometimes I think it would be easier if he did, because I do feel like I have ruined his life!....Our life together! We used to have so much fun....fishing, camping, hanging out with friends, going to Colorado for visits on 3 day weekends! I just can't do any of this anymore!

Wow.....time to stop! I feel so pathetic and weak right now! I did not mean to get into all of this! Let's just go back to I hate the holidays!

Wishing everyone a LPD!
Hugs,
Beckey
Spinal Stenosis L3/L4, L4/L5 & L5/S1 with Nerve Impingement, Fibromyalgia, TMJ, GERD, Severe Depression, VERY Large Cyst Right Ovary causing mild twisting, Small Cysts Left Ovary & 3 Large Cysts Uterus and Possible RA

Medications - MS-Contin, Cymbalta, Famotidine and currently Prednisone

MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 11/20/2010 12:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Geez , really nothing to vent about at the moment , life is good for me but I wanted to check in with the great friends here I love so much . I don't have chronic pain anymore , the reason I got thru the 2 years of horrible , debilitating pain in large part is the friends I made here who were constantly there for me . I'm walking like a normal human being now , its so great . My knee hurts sometimes but its not bad , I'm livin' life again , got a girlfriend and a car and I'm volounteering at an animal shelter it so cool ! Thanks to all the wonderful people her who helped me get here , you are all exceptional friends I'll never forget and always try to be there for . Mikel
HIV+. meds - epzicom, Kaletra . oxycontin as needed , indothemiacin . hip replacement surgery done !!! Staples out , saw the surgeon he says I'm healing really well , I go back in 2 months . Until then its physical therapy galore !!

Alcie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 5029
   Posted 11/20/2010 4:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I can't wait 'til the holidays are over. The kids all come to visit, and even though I love to see them, I dread the extra pain that comes with having extra people staying in the house. Everyone pitches in, but it's still too much extra work. They strip the beds for me, but there's still the extra laundry, remaking the beds, and extra meals to prepare, and the extra cleanup. I wouldn't mind at all if I had a pain reliever that worked. Like Beckey, I'm happy when my husband leaves for work. But I'm happy he loves me enough to stick with me! Becky - be happy about your husband too! It's one good thing going on!

Last winter the internal/box-style gutters all broke at the seams and caused water lo leak in some of the walls. I had the roof replaced and the gutters sealed and the interior walls replaced, but I am doing the painting myself. I just finished one of the bedrooms I need for company, and I'm grumpy because of pain, and it's not time for the next dose.

I stopped the Cymbalta and felt better without it than with it. I was getting tolerant to Vicodin, so I switched back to tramadol which isn't strong enough. I can't take it with much of anything else because I keep getting serotonin syndrome, even if I just take an extra dose of tramadol. I see the pain doc after Thanksgiving. I expect he'll have me try something else, but I have given up hope of finding something that works that I tolerate.
Alcie
 
 

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 11/20/2010 7:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm feeling the finacial pinch this Christmas. I love to buy things for everyone even if it's a simple flashlight pen from the dollar store, but I'm wondering if I can this year. My car needs new tires, I'm paying back a loan for new flooring, and medical bills galore.

To make matters worse I'm now experiencing siactica in my feet! So now I've got my DDD going on, shoulder and elbow pain from my fall, siactica in my left butt cheek and calf, and now this terrible foot pain!

I feel like my body is falling apart! High cholesterol, Glaucoma, environmental and drug allergies, asthma, leg edema, DDD, facet degeneration, siactica down to my feet, and severe tinnius that's so loud at times it drowns out everything.

What's so bad is I'm only 42! My mother says I walk like an 100 yr old woman. I feel like an 100 yr old woman!
Joy

antbuggey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 594
   Posted 11/20/2010 8:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Alcie,

Thank you! Sometimes I need a little reminder! I do appreciate my husband a lot! He is amazing and we just celebrated our 6 year anniversary yesterday! I just feel bad that soooo much has gone wrong in the last few years! I feel like I have lost me! There was Beckey and now there is Beckey with CP and they are 2 COMPLETELY different people! It makes me sad and bothers me even more with the holidays!

Joy,

I can soooo relate! I am 45 and walk like I am 100....and feel that way too at times! My tinnitus is really bad right now! Seems louder then normal! Hanf in there hun!

Thank you to all my family here on HW! You keep me sane!

Hugs,
Beckey
Spinal Stenosis L3/L4, L4/L5 & L5/S1 with Nerve Impingement, Fibromyalgia, TMJ, GERD, Severe Depression, VERY Large Cyst Right Ovary causing mild twisting, Small Cysts Left Ovary & 3 Large Cysts Uterus and Possible RA

Medications - MS-Contin, Cymbalta, Famotidine and currently Prednisone

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 11/21/2010 1:38 PM (GMT -6)   
 I don’t usually vent but I feel like I need to get some stuff off my chest before I burst!! There is something that I have been dealing with quite a bit in the last 2 months and I need to talk about it.
 
   Just what is it with folks thinking they need to give others a "aggressive reality check". I mean lets just look at that for just moment. Just for conversation sake we will call the "reality check person the "aggressor". 
 
   What on earth makes the aggressor feel as thought it is their sole duty to tell another person that they must do XYZ right now because they say so? It isn't the aggressor's life. It isn't even the aggressor's problems that they are referring to. Just what does the aggressor think they will accomplish by being so verbally abusive? What is the end result? The person they have just used as an outlet for their own stress is now someone who no longer want to talk to the aggressor. As a result, others who have witnessed the outburst no longer wants to speak with the aggressor either.
 
   So, I ask what is the pay out? It is only a temporary release of pent up emotional stress. The real problems in the aggressor's life are still present. More often than not getting bigger and harder to deal with. It has done nothing to help the aggressors real problems. All it did was proved a brief, fleeting release of emotion and nothing more. As a result the aggressor has just lost respect, friendship & support. So, why on earth does this same scenario play out over and over and over in an aggressor's life? Do they really not see & understand the same result over and over? Is it really just a chain of events that plays out so frequently it has become part of their "daily life". I hope not... I suppose at the end of the day all I can do is avoid aggressor until they
 
1. Deal with the real cause of their emotional distress
2. Learn better coping techniques (CBT / therapy)
 
     I suppose in the end the only thing the victims' of the aggressor verbal abuse can do little more than forgive and forget. Afterall, we, the victims', have far better skills for dealing with life's ups and downs.
 
My 2nd problem has to do negative people.
 
   Have you ever had someone be disrespectful, sarcastic, and down right rude to you that refuses to acknowledge their actions, let alone apologize for their behavior? They have their "fun" at your expense then a week later pretend like nothing has even happened and that you’ve been friends the whole time?! Perhaps I just had a "target" on my head that day and now that time has gone by I am just to stupid to realize what you did? I think not "friend". I think not. 
 
     What about people who know they have unjustly treated you with intense disrespect and when they do apologize the "apology" in question is more like "Sorry you took it the wrong way". We all know what NEEDS to be said is "I am sorry for my behavior".  Do you honestly think that an apology where you refuse to take responsibility for actions is going to make everything all better? NO. It is not. WHY? Because when you don't acknowledge your actions you will repeat the same thing over and over and over again. I refuse to be part of that hurtful, vicious cycle.
 
     And, what I funny is ..... Do they REALLY not know why I avoid contact? REALLY? Only clueless when it suits their needs. It makes me want to say...
 
   "Acknowledge what you have done and apologize. DON’T DO IT ANYMORE!"
 
 
                          *sigh*
                               smhair   
   Thanks letting me get that off my chest.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Chronic Pain Moderator
Mail

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 11/21/2010 2:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Amen, sister, amen!
Joy

antbuggey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 594
   Posted 11/21/2010 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Dani,

Thanks....I needed that too! Maybe that is why I am becoming a recluse!

Take care!
Spinal Stenosis L3/L4, L4/L5 & L5/S1 with Nerve Impingement, Fibromyalgia, TMJ, GERD, Severe Depression, VERY Large Cyst Right Ovary causing mild twisting, Small Cysts Left Ovary & 3 Large Cysts Uterus and Possible RA

Medications - MS-Contin, Cymbalta, Famotidine and currently Prednisone

Boxerlover
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 11/21/2010 7:23 PM (GMT -6)   

Becky and Alcie, I have to say it's nice to have people who feel the same way you do! I cannot wait until the holidays are over, I am just dreding them. I too used to love the holidays in my old life, we had so many neat family traditions and so much fun. Now that both my mother and I are ill and family is spread out, it's very lonely. I want to throw a brick at my TV everytime they play one of those sappy family Christmas commercials.  Not everyone gets to have Christmases like that and it's just a slap in the face to see them on TV.

And I know people who do have families and are well get excited but I really need a way to answer the excited people who tell me ALL about their holiday plans and then ask me mine. I don't want to sound like scooge although I am so tempted to say and I quote  "If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!"

Humbug!

 


QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 11/22/2010 7:16 AM (GMT -6)   
I hate how I feel this year.  Jay is still out of work and we are about to lose our home.  The bill collectors are calling at least 30 times a day.  We dont answer our phone because when it beeps we are afraid it will be someone who wants money. Hell Im surprized the phone is even turned on.  I have no money to buy any presents for anyone,not even my grandkids.  I feel so down.  I dont want to decorate,something I always looked forward to.  We cant turn on the heat , no matter how cold it gets we just cant do it because we cant afford to pay the bill as it is.  Everyones asking what we want for xmas and they cant understand why we tell them all nothing.  I just cant pay ALL the bills myself with the lil money that I get from my SSI check.  I hurt so much everywhere.  I ache so bad and I want so much to just turn on the heat, enough at least take the chill out without having to have myself under a mountain of blankets.  I fell again for the first time in months since I am not taking ambien anymore.  Full of bruises all over and my eye is working up a nice black eye,but I cant take a hot bath or shower because heating, we even keep that to a min so it wont raise the power bill.  Jay has went out to my daughter barbarann's house to work in the yard and to do any chores in the house to earn extra money.  He said he would take any job even if it meant dressing up in a silly costume and waving at the public to make a buck.  There are so many ppl that even have it harder then we do so I count my blessings but still have a hard time feeling the way I do. Even my grandkids tell me they dont need a xmas gift but i cant stand not being able to even get them a book and that used to be a stocking stuffer.  Im going to go now Im crying so hard that my tears are making my eye glasses steam up in this freezing air.

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 11/22/2010 2:25 PM (GMT -6)   
karen, your power company doesn't have a special program to help the needy? I know many here in Georgia have them. Try to contact them, surely someone can help you.
Joy

breezyP
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 11/22/2010 2:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Venting.... I could probably write a book about venting but I wont. The last three days my pain has been a 3-4 and I couldn't be more thankful for the last couple days where I have been able to clean and cook dinner. I definitely am not the same person anymore and that makes me sad, especially when my husband *****es at me because we don't have our life anymore *rollseyes*

It has made me appreciate things a bit more. It's not that I didn't before, it's just that I didn't realize how hard it is to do dishes and a couple loads of laundry :S


I hope you all have a pain free or pain reduced day

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 11/22/2010 6:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I am just so frustrated with today. My cell phone won't charge. My car broke down. And there's a tornado outside. Really, what more can go wrong?!!!

And I'm supposed to go out to my folk's place for Thanksgiving. I'm worried b/c without my car, they just make decisions for me & basically hold me hostage in their house. Oh, so stressful. I'm DISABLED, not a moron. I'm still perfectly capable of making decision for myself. Really, I only see them a day every few months -- don't they realize that I manage just fine the other 350 days of the year?! argh!

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 11/23/2010 10:12 AM (GMT -6)   
This week my vent is not health or pain related but rather it is because of insincere and/or dishonest people.

Our needs have changed and we could use a different type of vehicle. We have a truck and a car, but with my wife traveling out of town for her nursing clinicals we could really use a 4wd vehicle. Since we can't afford to buy one right now I put up some ads online trying to trade my much loved pickup (which is worth a lot more than our car) for an SUV or even a 4x4 truck.

Since doing this I have been jerked around so many times I am about ready to give up trying. Oh I expected the BS replies from the "professional" scammers but the ones that are getting to me are the ones I exchange a few emails with and end up talking to on the phone who make out like they are extremely interested in trading with me and then seem to vanish off the face of the earth when the talk gets to the point of arranging a time to meet. They won't answer emails, phones or even return my messages.

If they have changed their mind that is fine and I can understand that, but why not have the decency to tell me that either on the phone or in an email.

The last person I dealt with really took the cake. He emailed me saying he really needed a good running truck because he was moving soon as well as for his new job. He went on about how he had been trying to trade his SUV for a truck for the last 2 months and all he was getting was junk offers and the run around. We talked on the phone a couple of times and emailed several times back and forth, but everytime I tried to pin him down on meeting he had some excuse or another. The first excuse I could understand. He wanted to see how much it would cost him to have a part repaired on my truck, the rest was just pure BS. His next excuse is he didnt want to waste the gas meeting me 1/2 way (he lived 2 hours from me), then he said his wife was talking to someone about a more local trade, and then he had a couple of more. His final excuse was that according to the photos I sent him my truck sat "too low" for his tastes. rolleyes

At that point I told him he had his priorities all screwed up and said to forget it. I was tired of messing with him. I still don't know if he was just getting his jollies messing with me or if he was just some dumb kid (he sounded like he was in his early 20's) that needed to really grow up.

I am still trying because it is the right thing for my family at this time, but it get harder every day.

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/23/2010 10:33 AM (GMT -6)   
 
   Hello Jim! If you are posting an add on Craigslist, there are several people playing games with it. I know for a fact that several men that I work with do this for fun in their spare time, and then brag about it at the lunch table. It makes it hard on everyone, and I dont see their point in that kind of fun. But I do know that they will get their due one of these days.
 
   SE wink

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 11/23/2010 11:07 AM (GMT -6)   

 

 

SE

     You might want to make an anonymous tip to "Craig List".


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Chronic Pain Moderator
Mail

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/23/2010 11:14 AM (GMT -6)   
 
    I'm guessing this is going on all over the country. Also there are several scammers out there as well. I suppose I could report it, but I never use the service, or at least havn't yet.
 
    Thanks!
 
   SE wink

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 11/23/2010 1:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh it's nothing that I really wasn't expecting, or been through before. Just frustrating, and it's not just Craig's List you get it from either. I have posted the ad in a few other local free classifieds as well and get the same thing.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

BigLucy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 413
   Posted 11/23/2010 7:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Christmas, why people, why? O.K. what I'm about to say may be sensitive to some, but I see sooooo many people stressed out this time of year for no reason at all. Christmas IS a holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus and now it has been turned into plastic **** on your lawn, debt, over extending yourself and feeling bad b/c of your current lack of support system or the crazy system you do have. So, if you really think about it, if you are celebrating what the intent of Christmas is traditionally about, you don't need money; giving out gifts to all your friends and relatives doesn't get you closer to God, it gets you closer to your credit card. And don't get me started on the, "what about the spirit of the season" BS , the spirit is Jesus people not buying a new laptop, big screen TV, cheap jewelry, etc. Stop, take a deep breath and let it all go--it really is that simple.
 
 Dear Big Lucy,
 
    I have edited a small portion of your post.
 
Your post is in violation of the following rule(s)
 
3. No use of explicit, obscene or vulgar language or images and/or messages, including racist remarks. 
 
     Thank You,
       Dani Henson
 

Post Edited By Moderator (Dani Henson) : 11/26/2010 7:45:47 PM (GMT-7)


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 11/23/2010 9:03 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm so upset with myself and hubby is mad at me too.
I bought a cross-stitch pattern, A quaker halloween by cherished stitches,
got it on sale 40% off, bought the fabric on sale 25% off, bought the
threads on sale, had everything and I lost the pattern..we looked around
in so many places, and it's gone, I had it last time at the doctor's office
(y'all know how long the wait can be) to look over the pattern, went back
the next day and it's gone...I can buy it til after the holidays now, with all
the bills from coming in, sure do wish I hadn't lost this pattern, was so stupid of me....

Big Lucy, I agree, if I could give a present, it would be that all my friends
here had no more chronic pain...one year I made needlepoint present for everyone
and most ended in the trash, it took me from March to December to handmake
those presents..This year I found an easy Cherry Fudge recipe and might make that
as a gift.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Healing Hugz to all)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Dani Thanks for letting us vent....
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********

Boxerlover
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 11/23/2010 11:54 PM (GMT -6)   
I'd love to let it go, but between every tv commercial, store, email and every person you happen to cross paths with asking what you are doing for the holidays, it isn't quite that easy. You'd have to have a cabin in the middle of no where to escape all the commercialization. Ideally, we all should be focused on the true meaning and trying to help those less fortunate than us. But when those around you have bought into the commercialization of it, it is hard to not be a part.  And for us CPers, our activity level goes up and family dynamics are put under a microscope so as much as I would love to let it go, what I really need is for IT to let me go!! LOL

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 11/24/2010 5:24 AM (GMT -6)   
I have to chime in with Big Lucy. I live in a very rural area. I shop the thrift stores more than I donate to them and I'm not a fan of big family gatherings, where everybody pretends to get along for a half an hour and then goes around talking about everyone else for the next few weeks/months).....but....Christmas is to celebrate Jesus Christ.

I realize that many of you don't have family contact, so my suggestions way not have any meaning to you, but for those who like to do the family gatherings, they may give you a new idea or something. First.....we have changed Christmas at my mothers to be lunch time and we eat whatever the children are in the mood for that year....this year is roasted hot dogs (and I'm hoping some kind of chili). I'll probably be taking veges and dip because they love that too and perhaps something sweet (like brownies). We also (the second generation) decided only to buy presents for my mother and step-father and not our step-brothers and their familis. Our parents were married later in life and we don't know each other well enough to blend, so my parents leave the day after Christmas to do some family things with them.

Now the gifts we do buy for the "children" in the family are limited at 2.00, most are a dollar, but occassionally we can find something that was 3.00 and is now 75% off. I even found a stash that was 6.00, but was 75% off, and I bought a small box of old time rock candy for a whopping .55 We put everything into an open basket and each child gets to choose a gift or two at the most. This keeps them happy with something to play with, keeps the mood festive, and allow the adults to talk while the children play. Every child has something that they picked out of each adult family's box (we have 3 boxex), so they at least have three gifts to take home or tear up....whichever comes first.

This year will be the same.

One thing that we have learned after changing how we do things is that children just want to be included and to feel special. Most don't care who got what, so long as they were not left out. We also learned to always celebrate Christmas with my mother on Christmas Eve and then to go home and do our Christmas just betwen ourselves. Christmas is then saved just for family time and enjoyment. To each his own and I am honestly sorry for those who do not have loving familes to be with on Christmas. I'm actually pretty positive that many HW friends and family will be here for Christmas.....no gifts required.
Retired Mom
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