How do you make people understand that they have overstayed their welcome?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 11/30/2010 6:06 PM (GMT -6)   
I know this is a little off topic, and I haven't been around in a while, but my c-cpine surgery went really good, still have a follow up this friday.  Spent a week in the hospital because of a stupid sinus infection that just won't give it up.  6 weeks of antibiotics, steroids, busted eardrum, 2 ear infections and one heck of a sinus infection.....anyway, that is a short summary of my health, now for the question at hand......We have a 44 year old nephew that is homeless again, and has always come to us for help when he needs is (about once a year) and that I can pretty much deal with, what has gotten me right now is the great nephew (9 years old) his mother and his 6 mo old baby brother showed oct 1 and asked if they could stay for a week or so until she got on her feet because her mother kicked her out as well as the apartment complex she was living in.  Because of the kids we agreed, thought she was really looking for somewhere to go, but in the last 8 weeks has only looked at a few houses/apartments and seems just happy sleeping on my couch!  Now we have a rather small 2 bedroom house that is full with my husband and our 13 year old.  On top of me being sick for the last 6 weeks, I am playing housemaid to 4 adults and 3 kids............HELP  how do I approach this
Sorry it was so long

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 11/30/2010 6:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Honesty always seems to make people jerks but the truth is, you need to heal and they have been with you for 2 months. You have to be straight forward and tell her that she has till the 7th (or whatever date you give) and by that, I mean both the 44 year old and the girl. You have yourself, husband and child to attend to and the 3 of your needs are being put aside. It might make you uncomfortable and they might be angry but in the end, you will have your home back where you can feel free. Sometimes honesty is the best policy.

Telling them they have to leave will make you feel bad but it will also make you feel better. Good luck!
back on lyrica and also on imovane. Im seeing my family doctor once a week for the next 4 weeks. I am withdrawing from valium and it is very difficult but I will get through it.
-Bone scan, Dec 2nd
-PM doctor Dec 8th
-waiting on cervical injections

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 11/30/2010 6:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Put them to work helping you out so you don't have so much to do.Otherwise tell them It's time to go........

Elite Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 11/30/2010 8:32 PM (GMT -6)   
I'd give them a deadline. Get out the newspaper and circle the home and apartment listings. Hand them the paper and a phone and tell them start searching. Meanwhile make each one in charge of a household chore or two. They must help out in some way for present time work wise or financial wise.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 11/30/2010 9:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree with the others in that you need to set a deadline for them to be gone and then you have to enforce it. You can have a conversation with them saying something like "I'm glad we've been able to help you out, but the time has come for you to find a place of your own. I'll help you look if you'd like, but I'll need you out of the house by X date - and that is a firm date, we won't be able to negotiate for you to stay longer".

That's it. You don't need to apologize or give them an explanation. If they insist on one, simply tell them that your offer of help was temporary, and is now up. Period.

Stay firm, don't let them convince you to stay longer...if you give in, you'll never get them to leave.

Good luck!!

DX: Fibromyalgia, Severe Myofascial Pain, Chronic Pelvic Pain, Surgical Adhesions, IBS, IC-PBS, Carpal Tunnel (both wrists), FAI, Diabetes (just diagnosed), Reynauds, Opthalmic Migraines, Drug Related Hot Flashes, Hard Start for IV's, Unable to vomit due to surgery.

Meds: Oxycontin, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Cesamet, Flexeril, Clonidine + Vitamin D + Multi daily

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 11/30/2010 10:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the input....I know it was way off topic, but it was just eating at me and thought I would get other opinions to see if I was just being touchy since I don't feel good.  By the way, my disability hearing is Dec 9.....we are keeping our fingers crossed.  Right now, I am waiting for a referral to an ENT for the sinus infection from you know where, and I see the Neurosugeon Friday to see if he is ready to do my thoracic and lumbar fusion. 
I didn't mean to dump on you guys, was just really bummed out about the situation and with all the medical stuff finally coming to a head, I was just stressed....Thanks for the advice!
New MRI's show I have 3 GOOD vertabrae.  The rest are bulging, compressed, protruding or in one of the three spinal stenosis' in my back.  One stenosis in my neck and two in my lower back.  Fibromyalgia, cfs, degenerative bone disease, osteoporosis, osteoarthritis, HORRIBLE memory problems, panic attacks, depression, and muscle cramps that don't stop.
Meds:  Oxycontin 60mg 2x day, Effexor xr 300mg 1xday, Robaxian 3xday, Valium 10mg 4xday, Lortab 10mg 4xday, Phenergan PRN, Folic Acid, B12 and B6

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 11/30/2010 11:15 PM (GMT -6)   
A lot of places are hiring for Christmas help, simply state that if she can't
get a temporary job, then she has to leave, please take control of this
situation before anymore damage to you and your house begins,
sometimes people need a little extra boot..
Hope this wasn't to harsh...hope your feeling better soon,
well wishes and prayers to you...
Healing hugz
Keep us posted on how things are going.
(was just trying to help, no offense meant.)
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

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