HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

How do you make people understand that they have overstayed their welcome?

Support Forums
>
Chronic Pain
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 11/30/2010 4:06 PM (GMT -7)
I know this is a little off topic, and I haven't been around in a while, but my c-cpine surgery went really good, still have a follow up this friday.  Spent a week in the hospital because of a stupid sinus infection that just won't give it up.  6 weeks of antibiotics, steroids, busted eardrum, 2 ear infections and one heck of a sinus infection.....anyway, that is a short summary of my health, now for the question at hand......We have a 44 year old nephew that is homeless again, and has always come to us for help when he needs is (about once a year) and that I can pretty much deal with, what has gotten me right now is the great nephew (9 years old) his mother and his 6 mo old baby brother showed oct 1 and asked if they could stay for a week or so until she got on her feet because her mother kicked her out as well as the apartment complex she was living in.  Because of the kids we agreed, thought she was really looking for somewhere to go, but in the last 8 weeks has only looked at a few houses/apartments and seems just happy sleeping on my couch!  Now we have a rather small 2 bedroom house that is full with my husband and our 13 year old.  On top of me being sick for the last 6 weeks, I am playing housemaid to 4 adults and 3 kids............HELP  how do I approach this

 

Sorry it was so long

 

 

Posted 11/30/2010 4:14 PM (GMT -7)
Honesty always seems to make people jerks but the truth is, you need to heal and they have been with you for 2 months. You have to be straight forward and tell her that she has till the 7th (or whatever date you give) and by that, I mean both the 44 year old and the girl. You have yourself, husband and child to attend to and the 3 of your needs are being put aside. It might make you uncomfortable and they might be angry but in the end, you will have your home back where you can feel free. Sometimes honesty is the best policy.

Telling them they have to leave will make you feel bad but it will also make you feel better. Good luck!
Posted 11/30/2010 4:47 PM (GMT -7)
Put them to work helping you out so you don't have so much to do.Otherwise tell them It's time to go........
Posted 11/30/2010 6:32 PM (GMT -7)
I'd give them a deadline. Get out the newspaper and circle the home and apartment listings. Hand them the paper and a phone and tell them start searching. Meanwhile make each one in charge of a household chore or two. They must help out in some way for present time work wise or financial wise.
Posted 11/30/2010 7:31 PM (GMT -7)
I agree with the others in that you need to set a deadline for them to be gone and then you have to enforce it. You can have a conversation with them saying something like "I'm glad we've been able to help you out, but the time has come for you to find a place of your own. I'll help you look if you'd like, but I'll need you out of the house by X date - and that is a firm date, we won't be able to negotiate for you to stay longer".

That's it. You don't need to apologize or give them an explanation. If they insist on one, simply tell them that your offer of help was temporary, and is now up. Period.

Stay firm, don't let them convince you to stay longer...if you give in, you'll never get them to leave.

Good luck!!

Pam
Posted 11/30/2010 8:14 PM (GMT -7)
Thanks for the input....I know it was way off topic, but it was just eating at me and thought I would get other opinions to see if I was just being touchy since I don't feel good.  By the way, my disability hearing is Dec 9.....we are keeping our fingers crossed.  Right now, I am waiting for a referral to an ENT for the sinus infection from you know where, and I see the Neurosugeon Friday to see if he is ready to do my thoracic and lumbar fusion. 

I didn't mean to dump on you guys, was just really bummed out about the situation and with all the medical stuff finally coming to a head, I was just stressed....Thanks for the advice!

Posted 11/30/2010 9:15 PM (GMT -7)
A lot of places are hiring for Christmas help, simply state that if she can't
get a temporary job, then she has to leave, please take control of this
situation before anymore damage to you and your house begins,
sometimes people need a little extra boot..
Hope this wasn't to harsh...hope your feeling better soon,
well wishes and prayers to you...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((FinallyReallCrazy))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Healing hugz
Keep us posted on how things are going.
(was just trying to help, no offense meant.)
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply