How many marriages have suffered due to chronic illness?

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

breezyP
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/7/2010 12:30 PM (GMT -6)   
I was just wondering how many of us have had our marriages go wrong due to our chronic illnesses? I also want to know if your SO/spouse is unsympathetic to your injuries, syndromes, illnesses.

I know it's hard for people to understand when something goes wrong inside the body because they can't physically see it. But just because they can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist...

Do any of you share my feelings?

dmarcus
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/7/2010 3:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, for a very long time my wife (who is 4 years younger than me and has never had any pain except childbirth) and I'm 60, just didn't understand why I needed pain meds. I've had both PTTI in both feet and both feet were rebuilt at the Hospital for Special Surgery in NYC. We would leave the doctor's office and get into a screaming fight on the way home. She just didn't understand, or have any reference. My doctor finally told me to see a pain management doctor, and on my second visit my wife told me that she was coming with me. When we got there she started in on the doctor: "won't he become addicted", "won't he become tolerant to the drugs?" etc etc. The doctor listened to her, and finally said "you husband has had extensive surgery on his feet, something went wrong, we don't know what, the choice is take the meds and function reasonably well, or sit in a chair all day in pain, which do you prefer?" For some reason, although he didn't say anything that other doctors, or that I myself had said to her, she finally got it. She's still not happy about it, but at least we don't have the arguments anymore (which in themselves caused pain and suffering).

It's very hard for someone who doesn't have pain to understand what it's like to be in pain all day and all night. People just can't grasp it. I've found that I don't tell anyone anymore, my good friends know, but that's it. No one at work knows, if they see me take a pill, I just say it's a med.

breezyP
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/7/2010 3:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I was thinking about taking my husband tomorrow to see my PM doctor but I don't think it will clue in at all. I get my bone scan results tomorrow and I want him there, but this is all too much for me. There's always a piece of the puzzle that I leave out due to people saying things to me about my marriage. I didn't get this injury from falling down stairs-if you know what I mean. So when he doesn't understand or isn't compassionate I get infuriated. Sex is an issue, my moodiness is an issue. I do understand someones chronic pain can take it's toll on someone but what about the peson who's actually experiencing it?

I have 3 children, Im in my early thirties ( the prime of my life) and it's going down the sink with the dirty water. Sorry for venting, Im just at my wits end and I feel that I don't get this resolved that my marriage will end :(

My husband is a very upbeat, positive happy person with some definite flaws, but I can see through those if he would just back the hell off me and understand
back on lyrica and also on imovane. Im seeing my family doctor once a week for the next 4 weeks.
-Bone scan done.
-PM doctor Dec 8th. Results from bone scan
-waiting on cervical facet injections

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 12/7/2010 3:31 PM (GMT -6)   
 
    I suppose ask him what part of "for sickness and health" did he not get in his vows! He must think it ment tempory sickness?
 
       Take one of those old wooden hand clamps and clamp it to head....then tighten it until he says his pain level is a 6 or better, and tell him to wear that for 6 months. That should do it!
 
It is a problem for many, many a patient who suffers from CP. But like everyone else says, they will never get it, unless they suffer from it as well. Sorry to hear of your troubles, and I do think that there needs to be classes or some sort of counseling for familys who have a member suffering from this.
  I could write a book on my views, but I'm sure no one wants to hear it.
       SE wink  

Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 12/7/2010 1:39:15 PM (GMT-7)


breezyP
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/7/2010 3:51 PM (GMT -6)   
As much as I would love to wish this pain on him, I don't want to send him to hell. That's exactly what this is, hell. I even went to the extent of coming off all medications, stopping aspartame and taking vitamins thinking it was in my head (like he says it is) and my doctor came a bit unglued on me. She said," your pain is real!" I told her I was feeling invalidated and basically called a hypochondriac by him. She said," well, Im not your parent or guardian and you're a grown woman." So I went back on the medication.

Gosh, I pray every night to ask for forgiveness for whatever I have done to deserve this. *sigh*

I would be interested in what you had to say, screaming Eagle? You always have something awesome to say on these boards and I appreciate you
back on lyrica and also on imovane. Im seeing my family doctor once a week for the next 4 weeks.
-Bone scan done.
-PM doctor Dec 8th. Results from bone scan
-waiting on cervical facet injections

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 12/7/2010 4:04 PM (GMT -6)   
 
 
      I will do so for you, later on in the evening wink
 
         Many of the other members will also have some good thoughts for you as well.
 
  SE wink

dmarcus
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/7/2010 4:33 PM (GMT -6)   
What problem are you having? And what is his reaction to your CP? Is it like my wife's? where she just didn't want me on the meds?

All of us wish we didn't have it, do you know anyone happy to have cp?

It may not hurt to talk to your PM about your husband, and then have your husband come in another time. My wife was always telling me that my pain tolerance was LOW!!!! Did I mention that I've had 15 root canals, gaul stones, kidney stones, my gaul bladder removed (the old way) when I was 27, I had prostate cancer in 2004 (see what that does for your sex life!, my left foot in 2005 and my right foot in 2006! I had implants put into my jaw (for the denture) where they actually used a 1/4" rachet set to put the thing in, and a 3/8" drill to drill a socket in my jaw, and I had LOW pain tolerance? I've felt more pain they she ever will. And while I don't wish this on anyone. I wouldn't mind letting them "borrow" the pain for a couple of months and see how they feel at the end.

And I've been to theraphy, acupunture, tried herbs and all kinds of holistic stuff for the pain, guess what, it didn't work.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 12/7/2010 5:44 PM (GMT -6)   
One of the biggest reason marriages get into trouble, regardless of other underlying causes, is due to a lack of open, caring and frank communication.

Yes, it is hard to describe what being in CP means and it is hard for those who are not to understand. Also men have an additional handicap in that they are more fixers and nurturers by nature meaning that when there is a problem they want to make it right and when they can't they often get upset and angry.

IMHO you need to talk to and with your husband, not only about what you are going through but also about what you need from him physically, mentally and emotionally. You also need to talk about what he is thinking and feeling. Finally while you are talking you both need to really LISTEN to what the other person is saying and trying to say. Don't point fingers, don't read into things that are not there, ask the other to clarify if you don't understand.

If you have trouble doing this on your own then seek help from a minister or counselor.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 12/7/2010 5:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Breezy,
 
   I am unsure if this is what you are looking for, but I will tell you how things went in my own marriage. In the beginning it was hard. My body was twisting strangly (my right hip tilting towards the rear and up into my ribs) , the pain was out of control and there was little any of us could do (still is)...... So, here goes. If it isnt want you were seeking just ignore my post.
 
   My husband being able to speak freely with all of my doctors helped him to understand the true severity of my problems. He is friends with all of my specialists and comes with me to every appointment. I do however, have to sign a set of forms each year so that they can all speak freely. IE Doctors to Doctors & Doctors to Husband. He calls them any time he has any questions or concerns. They are all very grateful and appreciate his open communication. For example: I was apparently having "jerking episodes" in my sleep. I would jerk a few times, groan and curl up? He would ask me questions the next mornings, but I didn't know what he was talking about. He apparently took "notes" of when, how frequently and what was happening during the "jerking episodes". All I knew was that I was so very tired and that my upper back was very "Itchy, sore, painful " goodness, it hurt so badly. He told my spine specialist about it when he saw her. She increased some of my meds and ordered x rays right away. Turned out I had a secondary forming in my thoracic and the "jerking" was pain signals. I am very grateful my doctors and my husband communicate freely. There have been many such times where his communication has helped my doctors. This was also a way for him to be involved in my care and able to be part of the "team" so to speak.
 
   He was also very active with me while I was seeing the Pain Psychologist. It wasn't just me who was sick. We all were and we all needed to learn how to change our family dynamic as well. We needed to work of "whole family wellness". 
 
     He was and is very active in all my secondary therapies. He even sits with me while I do my daily PT and does the "hip" stretches my Physical therapist showed him how to do. It relieves pressure in my left hip. He even took my "pain distraction" hobbies on as though they were his own. Even jewelry making. He is now quite skilled in chain mail weaving.
 
    It isn't easy to admit that it isn't just you who is sick. Your partner is too. Without knowledge and understanding we can not expect our partners to grasp what is happening to us. Try to include him in your appointments. Try to include him in your secondary therapies.
 
     Communicate your pain in terms that are easier to understand. IE In stead of say, "X hurts!. It always hurts!!". Say instead, "X hurts more than usual today. It is making me very tired.". Be descriptive. Even something like,  "My X is at a level 8 today, like it was yesterday. Do you think I should rest or call my doctor?". Involving him in decision making can be very helpful too. There are many ways to involve your partener in your wellness. But, it takes the first step. The step of him wanting to learn more and take a more active roll in your health.
 
    Sorry I am unable to be of more help. I do hope you are able communicate freely about how you are feeling and what your needs are.
 
  *warm hugg*
         dani
 
 
 

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Chronic Pain Moderator
Mail

dmarcus
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/7/2010 6:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Well being a man, I can say that we do suck at being touchy feely, and in being perceptive, I know I am. I'm more of a tell me what you want, don't expect me to guess it.

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 12/7/2010 7:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Breezy,
 
First, I'm sorry that you seem to be having problems in your relationship.  Second, I honestly believe all relationships have problems and that, CP can add to those problems for everyone involved.  With that being said, however, CP may make things more difficult, but it does not have to be the be all, end all of the relationship (if it is strong to begin with).  Do my hubby and I every argue....absolutely...does CP sometimes make me more difficult to deal with and more insecure....absolutely!  Does he love me any less because I have to take pain meds and can't do things that I once could....NO!
 
What we have done is to make accomodations to be able to do things together.  It is not the same, but it is quality family time.  I can't ride the 4 wheelers like we used to, so he bought a Polaris Ranger (independent suspension) and we stay on smooth clay roads and ride only as long as I can deal with it (together).  We stopped pulling our camper to different locations, he cleared an area near the pond and put in a swing with great cushions.  He even built a building over the camper to keep the temperature to my liking.  We don't always (even mostly) sleep in the same bed, but I still try to make some time for him in a personal way.  We hug every day, several times a day, but he never touches my back and is careful not to be too hard on me.  Physical interaction has changed, but we have worked out a way to be together.  We don't eat in the kitchen at the table anymore, but keep cheap plastic trays that fit into the dishwasher and eat in the den.  He always carries my plate back to the kitchen (even though he is not a "cleaning" type of guy).  And, when I feel horrible, fat, disgusting, depressed and just plain ill....he lets me alone to sit on my heating pad in my recliner and helps with the small things. 
 
This all being said, I make sure to tell him every day that I appreciate all that he does and compliment something about him every day.  It may not sound like much, but being appreciated makes such a difference.  I also try to vent to a friend rather than to him all the time because it stresses our relationship.  He wants to fix things (like most men) and can't, so he feels frustrated.  These are choices I make because they make our homelife better.  Happy husband and wife generally equals happy child (children).
 
I wish you all the best! 
Retired Mom

breezyP
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/7/2010 8:39 PM (GMT -6)   
I can't thank you enough for all of your experiences and advice! I do see that a lot of you have supportive SOs in regards to your CP.

I will try to do what I can to make him feel appreciated. What I did realize reading everything, is that my marriage is in a lot of trouble. Big trouble. I think I will take the next few days to think about where I will go from here. It's hard, really hard. I wish I didn't have to leave out important details, but for now I will. Thank you so so much everyone. You guys have no idea the support and advice you all have given me and what it means to me.

Sincerely, Bree
back on lyrica and also on imovane. Im seeing my family doctor once a week for the next 4 weeks.
-Bone scan done.
-PM doctor Dec 8th. Results from bone scan
-waiting on cervical facet injections

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16799
   Posted 12/7/2010 9:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Breezy it may be of no real consolation but just know you are not alone in this area at all. As you can see from the responses it is a real problem for many of us. Jim made an excellent point in the fact most men are fixers and the nurturing side generally comes from the female. Men like to think they can fix things and that can include us women and they can get upset when they can't. Pain is something invisible and no one can see it. If you cut your hand open on a knife and bleed of course they understand the pain associated with that, but if they can't see it, there is a good chance they will not get it. But, that alone could be for a variety of reasons too.

For your sake I do hope you and your husband can come to a compromise of some sort. I do know how bad it can make a person feel when they have no support system at home. All you can do is try to get him to understand a little of what is happening to you. Communication is everything.

Take care.
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3702
   Posted 12/8/2010 12:51 AM (GMT -6)   
breezyP
 
This is a very sensitive subject for me, my divorce was finalized last February just 18 days after our 35th wedding anniversary! I have suffered from CP for close to ten years, and I was awarded SSD in early 2002. The whole situation was difficut on our family and extremely hard on our marriage! I am the one who filed for the divorce,  I  know for sure the my CP and disability definitely played a crucial role in the demise of our marriage, it was not the straw that finally broke the the marriage up! But it was definitely one of the things that put stress fractures in the marriage, and over time those stress fracture do take their toll! I am fortunate that our  children were all grown and have families of their own, but it is still hard on even adult children.  With that said I do not have any regrets, that I filed or got the divorce, I do wish I that I would have done it ten years ago, but hindsite is always 20/20!  Don't get me wrong I am not happy that I got the divorce, but for me,..... I finally realized that I just could no longer continue to stay in our marriage the way it was! I shared allot of my trials and tribulations  while going through my divorce with my family here on this forum, they helped me allot, and gave me allot of support, and definitely listened to me vent!  They were always here for me, not only through my divorce but also two major surgeries on my neck!  This forum and its members are the BEST!
 
 I do wish you well breezyP and you are in my thoughts and prayers!
 
dmarcus I just just want you to know that you are not alone either, and you have definitely come to the right place. People here do understand CP and I think that you will find that this forum has some of the most compassionate and caring people that you will find anywhere on the internet!
 
White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
After spending nearly 22 1/2 years in the USAF, I retired in Sept, 1991. I then went back to school and became a licensed RN in 1994, and I worked on Oncology and then a Med Surg Unit, I became disabled in late 1999 and was approved SSD in early 2002!-- DDD, With herniated Disk at T-12 and L4-5. C5-C6 ACDF in Sep 2009, C6-C7 ACDF in Mar 1985, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications:Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV I am White Beard with a White Beard!

breezyP
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/8/2010 10:17 AM (GMT -6)   
I can definitely tell that the members on this board are fabulous and honest, which is what I need. Im truly happy to have found this place, but also saddened by all the people that have to deal with CP on a daily basis.

Whitebeard, Im sorry for what you have gone through over the last month. I have read your threads and can't believe what you have endured. I wish you well in your recovery!

Again, thank you so much everyone! It's amazing how people you don't even know are sympathetic to your needs but the people closest to us can't see it. Thank you!
back on lyrica and also on imovane. Im seeing my family doctor once a week for the next 4 weeks.
-Bone scan done.
-PM doctor Dec 8th. Results from bone scan
-waiting on cervical facet injections

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 12/8/2010 1:55 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello BreezyP! As promised here is my lengthy reply! wink

 

       Lets start off in saying that these views are mine and mine only, although some here may agree or disagree with them. Many a time I have said that Human life is about relationships, weather it is with a higher power or one on the same level. Everything else is material and really needs to be viewed that way in order to see the value of life. It seems that there are really two issues here, one being the marriage and the other dealing with the CP within the marriage.

 

 Relationships in our childhood can, and do at times affect our relationships right into adulthood. But, that being said, there comes a time that if one keeps dwelling on past wrongs it is going to rob you of your future. It becomes a choice, only a person can make for themselves. I spent 38 yrs of my life looking backwards instead of forward, and I regret it to this day.

 

       I had to smile after reading retiredmom's and Dani's reply, as they enjoy and understand the difference of loving a spouse and being in love with your spouse. The real treat is to find a couple that are in love with each other. While I'm thinking about it, it is important to note, that to most, a mutual attraction is important and rightfully so, but only to a degree, as it is the heart that really makes a person.

 

I have also said a time or two, that there are givers and takers in life. Sadly, I believe that many couples are unequally yoked together, as one is a taker and the other is a giver. I have also said many times that, show me someone who will allow me to love them (Giver)....notice that I did not say that I want someone to love me. (taker) When you can find a couple who are both givers, and I mean the kind of giving that does not expect a score card return, then you will find a healthy marriage.

 

     A solid marriage is built upon of course a solid foundation. What that foundation is made up of, is only known by yourself and your spouse. The stronger the material of the foundation the stronger the marriage will be.

 

      Now on top of that foundation come the pieces of the rest of the marriage. One of the most important pieces should be TRUST, and of course there should be RESPECT, UNDERSTANDING, PATIENCE, .....let me just quote what one of my favorite books says about love...... Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps NO RECORD OF WRONGS. (Whew! That's a Big One!!) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Kind of cuts to the chase, doesn't it?

 

     No marriage is perfect, and it does take quite a bit of effort to nurture. I'm willing to bet that there were issues before your CP problems. Maybe you could not see them, but it could be that they were lurking around looking for an excuse to rear its ugly head, and the CP was just the catalyst to do so. I fear that many a young bride and groom certainly accept each other at the altar in their current conditions, but as I said, sadly, they mentally omit a few of those ever important vows. (and for as long as you both shall live) Yes!....Money, children, In-laws, poor health, and so many other issues can be blamed for our marriage troubles, but the real problem is how a person and or how couples deal with such issues.

 

     I truly do not have the magic answer for you, but I would start by trying to convince your spouse that you are and should be one and a team. For a few years I was in Law Enforcement, and I can tell you that I depended on my partner and visa versa. Our lives depended on it! The same with your marriage!.....if you’re not acting as a team, the marriage will tragically suffer for it.

 

     Pick out a project that you both will contribute to the end product, and remember, that you are to build up each other and help strengthen where one or the other is weak. Both Dani and retiredmom have spouses that are examples of this type of teamwork. It’s not a contest to see who has the best idea.

 

      Michael Jordan would not be who he is without the help of his team mates, no matter how good he was. Chop off your big toe and see how much the rest of the team misses it. (You’re other remaining toes) You, and you’re hubby may be two pieces to the puzzle, but once put yourselves together you begin to see the big picture, and it can be beautiful.

      

      Now, onto the problem of CP within the marriage. Simply put, you cannot change a person, and I can tell you from personal experience, that control is only a breeding ground for further troubles within the marriage. You will get far better results in convincing the spouse that you are suffering if you can lay some evidence before him. Taking pain meds is not the sort of evidence I’m talking about either.

 

      Like Dani, I too, have my spouse go with me to my appointments if it is convenient to do so. I had many a time, told my ex wife how I was suffering, and she simply would not believe me, until she heard it from a paid professional (my PCD) If your spouse is not willing to go to your PCD or PM visits then I fear it is a reflection of some of the troubles I was speaking about above. Those must be fixed first!

 

      While I do agree with many of the replies to you here, I will have to say that CP is certainly an invisible item that most cannot see. I will also say that I have had some of my very close friends tell me, that they could tell by my facial expression, that I was in pain. (Good Friends) Generally though, Straydog is right, in that most people will never see it in you. However; there should be no doubt as to your pain when sharing it with your husband. This always angers me to hear this, when it involves a husband and wife. There is usually a deeper problem to start with!

 

     I too had a long term marriage 24yrs, and like WB and filed for a divorce when I just could not handle it any longer. I will say that my wife was not all at fault, and I made some pretty stupid mistakes. It is easy to point fingers, but as the old saying goes “There is her side and his side, and then there is the truth” Like WB, I hated my divorce, but would never want to ever go back to that person even if I could. I had a massive Heart Attack just prior to the Divorce, and it was clear to me, in how I was treated and cared for, or the lack of, that the marriage was over for good.

 

     One thing that is wonderful, is this forum! It has been a Godsend for me and both my spouse. Sure, our views can differ, but the main objective, is that we all have a place to vent, ask questions, support other members, make friends….and the list goes on and on!

 

    To be fair, we cannot leave out the supporting, and for that fact, the non supporting spouses and or loved ones who are on the other end of this spectrum.

    Put yourself in their shoes for a minute. Not only are your daily activities harder to do, but theirs can be dramatically increased as well. Their hopes of what they expected life to be like with their spouse can be crushed in a second, and it takes time to make the proper mental adjustments.

 

     I’m just going to have to stop here as this has gotten way, way too long. It is my hope that you can glean what is helpful to you with all of the replies you have received. Good Luck to you, and I hope that you and your hubby can come to a compromise, and things will smooth out.

 

     Again, this is only my opinion, and I’m sure that maybe some of my thoughts are not as solid as professionals would be, but my intent is the best for sure! J

 

  

 SE wink   


Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 12/8/2010 3:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Breezy,
 
I want to apologize for not welcoming you sooner. As many on here know, my hands have been bad lately, so I must be careful how much I use them. I have followed you for some time, and just had to say something today!
 
I agree with Dani, RetiredMom and SE totally. Something I learned recently with my fiance (living together 2 years since the pain became too much for me to handle everything) is that while women and nuturers, men are fixers. Each of us as people have a different love language, such as spending quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, etc. If you want you may email me and I can go deeper into this. But mixed in with our love language is also the gender's need for love expression. A woman needs demonstrations of love, touching, flowers, cards, words, in order to feel loved by their spouse. Men need respect in order to feel loved by their spouses. What I did for my relationship was make sure I told him 5 times a day that I appreciated something he did from pick up his plate, to going to work, asking how my day went, etc for 2 weeks. Then, I asked him his opinion on the bills (I pay the bills) and included him in stuff I always just took care of from the groceries, what he wanted for dinner, and packed his lunch every day for 2 weeks. Even if it meant I made lunch the night before and he just had to pick it up and go if I couldnt get up. Those demostrations of what he called respect or respectful things to do made him feel like a man who supported us, made decisions for us, and truly cared for my needs. All by showing him more respect, it made him feel more loved. That made him more motivated to show me love with a flower, a card, a note when he found his lunch ready, telling me how great dinner was even if the chicken was a little over done because it was the dinner he wanted all day. After a few weeks of this, we both felt happier and more loved. He even takes time to ask me how my pain is everyday, and makes dinner without my help one day a week so that I may rest that day. He cant boil water but he tries!
 
If my idea isnt for you that is ok! But I want you to know, I was ready to throw it all away because of my CP before I tried this. The importance also is to have open, honest communication. We both had to stop saying "you make me feel ____ ." For us to take responsibility for our actions and feelings it has to be "I feel____ when you say/do this." No one makes you feel anything, but you feel the way you do when they do something.
 
I hope it  helps! We are all here for you!
 
Mindy

breezyP
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/8/2010 5:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Who needs to pay a therapist when I have you guys!!! The advice offered to me on how to cope with everything has made me feel a lot happier and more willing to maybe give in a bit more to his needs. I am not a selfish person at all but maybe over the time of my injury, I have felt selfish, in my own world and very secluded; some by my own choice and some not by choice. I told him today that I appreciated certain things that he has done over the last while and he smiled and said thank you and that he loved me. I have never doubted his love for me, I have however, doubted his sympathy toward my injuries. Take a little, give a little really.

I actually read the book "five languages of love" and neither one of us is getting our language met. So that is something we definitely need to work on.

I don't know you guys but I definitely have love for you all. Thank you *hugs*

I also put an update on my bone scan if anyone is interested
back on lyrica and also on imovane. Im seeing my family doctor once a week for the next 4 weeks.

botox injections January 10th
4 series medial block injections starting December 22nd

nasalady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1176
   Posted 12/8/2010 7:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear All,

Breezy is right! You all are the greatest! Thank you so much for all of your collective wisdom...I'm so glad to be able to peek over Breezy's shoulder and read your responses to her marital issues because my husband and I have also been having difficulties.

I have chronic illnesses and lots of pain, but he has some degree of pain from his own health problems and we're both on prednisone, which doesn't help our moods at all!

There are some truly wonderful suggestions here....thanks again! I'm already trying to implement them in my own marriage! smilewinkgrin
Lyme Disease, Babesiosis, Ehrlichiosis, Bartonella, AIH, Hashimoto's, lupus, fibro, RA, celiac, asthma, psoriasis, adrenal fatigue, pre-diabetic, Raynaud's, hypertension, osteopenia, sleep apnea, RLS, GERD, DDD, severe lower back pain, cubital tunnel, tarsal tunnel, Suprax, Malarone, Alinia, Zithromax, Prednisone, Imuran, Plaquenil, Lyrica, Cymbalta, Levothyroxine, Liothyronine, Atenolol, Cozaar, Zyrtec, Fosamax, Albuterol, Prilosec

http://forty-two-joann.blogspot.com/

breezyP
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 85
   Posted 12/8/2010 8:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Nasalady, it's really good that you are able to soak in some of the wonderful advice that our CP family has given us! Im truly grateful and I feel that this forum has given me an early Christmas present. The present of faith and hope. We all need a cyber hug once in awhile and this is the place that has it!!
back on lyrica and also on imovane. Im seeing my family doctor once a week for the next 4 weeks.

botox injections January 10th
4 series medial block injections starting December 22nd

catahoula
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 184
   Posted 12/9/2010 12:27 PM (GMT -6)   
I just want to say you are all great. There is so much strenght and support to be gained from this "family" even when just lurking when you're not strong enough to join in.I read all your posts to breezyp and have to say what a wonderful welcome and show of support. Some days it hurts too much to even log on but knowing that the support and love that will come flowing over the airwaves is reason enough to just check in and see how you all are.
Relax BreezyP, you have found yourself a great group of people here. Kick off your shoes and sit awhile.
wishing painfree days to you all
catahoula
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Monday, September 24, 2018 9:56 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,006,313 posts in 329,326 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161826 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, jeffkrauss.
210 Guest(s), 6 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
PeterDisAbelard., island time, Michael_T, sebreg, Admin, MarkWithIBD