Posted 1/4/2011 12:22 PM (GMT -7)
On the pain scale of 1-10 I'm probably at an 11, have been since the cold snap. Extra blankets at night, crochet fingerless gloves a size small for compression in the day time, TENs unit when I have the few moments to sit still and enjoy it.
Counting the days till my appointment with the shrink. Last year I failed two nerve blocks, which at least gave a diagnosis and a course of treatment. Basically a spinal cord stim unit is my only hope to combat the pain and maybe.... MAYBE wean me off my drugs a bit. However at the same time I got my diagnosis I was told I was permanently disabled. Got approved for SSD and then promptly lost my state Medicaid; No Insurance is not good for chronic pain people!!!! Spent 10 months only going in once a month to get narcotic perscriptions. $50 for a piece of paper, $80 for a month of pills. =( Got my insurance in November but then my pain doc said he didn't want to do the surgery cause Medicare only covered 80% of the costs. *blink* I'm sorry, this is my only option and you're saying you don't want to do it unless I have supplimental insurance?!?! Where I live unless you're over 65 you don't qualify for supplimental insurance. Guess what, I'm only 37. Argued about finding a new doc if he wouldn't do it, got him to agree. Need to shrink appointments first; first one was to establish a file ($150), second appointment is the actual test to prove I'm mentally capable of handling the concept of having a spinal cord stim (another $150). Once results are in I can schedule my trial unit implant. But until the 16th of this month I just have to hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is a break from the pain, instead of another head-on with another "train" in my life.
I'm still bitter about my exhusband leaving me, even after he knew what he was getting into. He knew! But the first time my pain got in the way of his happiness he screamed and yelled at me; it was all my fault. Give up the stuff that causes me pain. Wait, I've been told I have to fight my condition otherwise I risk progressing to stage 3. As if the fact that over 3 years it's spread from my wrist to my entire right arm (did I mention I'm right handed?) isn't bad enough. Now I have to fight the pain, I have to use my arm or risk having it amputated. My husband is here telling me to give up doing stuff that causes me pain, cause when I'm to sore and tender to touch, and if he can't hold me at night well then it's obviously the end of the world. He left me, we got divorced. My family would beat him to a pulp if given half a chance, and the betrayl I see in my son's eyes every day sears my soul.
For the last year, since it was November of '09 when I got my diagnosis, all I have said is I just want my stim unit, I just want to give this a try in hopes it works, in hopes I can get off the narcotics a bit, in hopes I can resume a bit of my life once again, in hopes that for a change my life won't be governed by my pain and when I need to take my next dose. Maybe I'll be able to drive again without fear of vertigo, or nerve attacks where my nerves feel like they're on fire in my arm so that I have to stop my car unless I want to cause an accident, maybe I'll be able to take a trip, maybe I'll be able to skip a dose again. All I know is I will forever hear my doctor's voice in my head on that fateful day: The life you knew is gone. I'm now a 37 year old single Mother living with my parents because heaven knows I can't make it on my own, and no one wants me.
Trouble, you're lucky -- they did the nerve blocks on me last year with no real success other then to help diagnosis what was wrong with me, and to what degree/stage I was at. I wish you the best of luck and success for your injections. Think positively!
Originally injured 10/26/2007 - Initial diagnosis; Tendonitis
Spent next year seeing specialist after specialist; Bone, Muscle, Hand, Chriopractor, Physical Therapist...
Went through a battery of tests, multiple MRI's
11/16/09 I was finally diagnosed CRPS - Stage 2
Permanently disabled and on Percoset for pain.
Hoping 2011 will see my spinal cord stimulator unit finally implanted.