Someone else mentioned that drug to me too ! Yeah, I do want answers, not having them fuels my depression. I may not get an answer but I'm still trying. I had a brain MRI and the nerve conduction studies last week. He couldn't find anything wrong, told me to come back for a follow-up in two months. All he said was "you don't have ALS." Naturally, I was scared crapless about that possability.
You know, I didn't have the twitches today, well a few but not a ton. I felt better this morning too. I spent the entire day walking around the Scottish Highland Games here in Orlando. I wasn't sure I could do it but I did. I felt decent until we got there then I got this stabbing pain behind my right eye and instant nasuea. I took a half a Vicodin and felt better (who doesn't). I walked around all day, staying in motion. For some reason I feel way better when I'm in motion, sitting too long makes things worse. I sure don't know what this is all about but it's really, really werid stuff. My left arms feels swollen, it's not, and my muscles, on my right side, feel wicked tight all the way up the neck, yet it's the left side with the nerve pain. The sensory stuff wasn't as bad today either but I was hobbling along at the end of the day feeling like my right foot had a bruise, there's no bruise, that's one of my odd symptoms, sore spots that feel like bruises that aren't there, they come and go. I asked the Fibro forum about this, just wondering.
I'm amazed that after the last two months of hell, I could get up and spend 6 hours walking around a 12-acre park with my kid, my mother and my neice. We had a wonderful time. I refused to let the depression of "why I am not well" stick in my head too long, I keep pushing it away: the bagpipes were blasting, the sky blue and clear, smell of Kettle corn and beer wafting across the crowd, it was just so beautiful and I was really appreciating being there. I took so much for granted before all this. I'm trying to love each moment and live it as we should all be doing every day of our lives, pain or no pain.
I'm really trying to get better in my head with all this.
I feel like I'm healing but it's so slow that I'm not sure if it's true or wishful thinking. Actually, there's something to it because last week I'd never have been able to do that walking. I do get really sore, way more sore than I should for such little effort. I hope the doc next week can get me closer to an answer. I ditched the pred after two doses, I just can't take it, it really whacks me out and it felt like the wrong move for reason's I don't understand, just a gut feeling. If I'm going into some remission or the pain is subsiding each day, albeit painful slow (no pun intended), then I don't want to rock the boat. I was pissed I had to take the Vicodin, I just wanted to see if I could pull off the entire day on my own fuel.
I am really, really happy that the twitching was almost nonexistent today. Even with the Vicodin, I twitched and twitched for months now, just not feeling that took my anxiety down a great deal. Pain is still there, though, so so much for thinking the twitching was irritating the nerves. Keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't come back, it's a constant reminder that I'm not OK. I can feel I'm not right, I don't need the twitches to show me over and over, ya know? I know it sounds silly but it's just any glimmer of hope that I'm coping with this new thing.
I think the Neurotin is doing wonders for me. I'm only taking 300 mg at bedtime, plus a Xanax, but the combo puts me into a deep, restful sleep and I wake up in a good mood and try and keep my head there all day.
I'm working hard to overcome the mental part of this, ya know what I'm saying?