You know Scarred, I read your post, I see your frustrations, it is much the same as what so many of us have posted in the past,.... including you!!!. But there just doesn't seem to be an answer. I am convinced that even, ones loving spouse, just can not understand what we go through with having CP! Unless they have it too, or have suffered with it for a good period of time, it just seems lke they just don't "Get it!" Like you I tried to do the exercise thing to be able to do more stuff, when I did, I was accused of not really having pain, and that if I was able to things now, why couldn't I do them before???? And then when I ended up in severe pain afterward, ( as we always do, it is payment for our follies) then I am told I should have known better, and should not have been doing what ever it was that I did! It is a no win type of deal! Maybe I am being harsh, but why should we be the ones to feel bad, and worry about holding back our spouses from doing the things they want to do! Like it or not that was part of the deal! (in the vows is says,..... in sickness and in health!) why should we the ones that are already suffering with CP be expected to to have to give up even more? Scarred, You said you were told (""baby I would much rather spend time with you. But I know that you can't do any of the things that you used to." ") What does that mean? I have heard a similar line, but some what different when I was married from my spouse,...... but what does that mean? He still goes out hunting with his friends doesn't he? If you didn't say anything or let him know you were unhappy would anything at all, have changed? I bet not!!! Even now that you have, has anything really changed? ???? I think it is because they just don't have a clue what it is to have CP and what it does to you, and how it drains the life out of you! Maybe I am to cynical but I think, I know from my experiences with my ex that it is, .... just plain selfishness! Selfishness on her part!............. and foolishness on my part! I don't know maybe I am all wrong, maybe I am to cynical, but I am convinced, you just can not explain what it is like to have CP and expect that person to fully understand and accept it. Not even your own spouse! I know that there are people that will disagree with me, but just give it time, 10, 11, 12, 13 years or longer,..........and then, ............then see how they feel about it!!!!
I do wish there was some anwers for you Scarred, but I personally don't think there are any good answers. Other than the ones you make for yourself! As cold as this might sound, a few years ago when I first started marriage counseling (alone) , the counselor told me this, "we are all responsible for our own happiness, if a person makes us feel bad, it is only because we let them make us feel that way!" How true that statement is!
Good Luck to YOU
Moderator Chronic Pain
After spending nearly 22 1/2 years in the USAF, I retired in Sept, 1991. I then went back to school and became a licensed RN in 1994, and I worked on Oncology and then a Med Surg Unit, I became disabled in late 1999 and was approved SSD in early 2002!-- DDD, With herniated Disk at T-12 and L4-5. C5-C6 ACDF in Sep 2009, C6-C7 ACDF in Mar 1985, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications:Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV I am White Beard with a White Beard!