I am sorry I can see and feel your pain! I am not sure if I can be of any help to you in this area, you are an old timer and you know well what I have been through, so I am not sure anything I could say would be of help to you. But you know I am a talker ( writer) and I am going to at least say something!, You know that it is great that you want your husband to keep doing the things he likes to do. But it also comes through that by him doing it, it hurts you! Let me ask you, you said (" He's told me that if I don't want him to take her with him that he will stop, but I want him to be happy as well, and he doesn't like going out alone.") But that is leaving the decision up to you. I have the impression ( and I might be wrong) but would you have rather had your husband just made the decision not to go? Instead of him asking you what you wanted him to do! Would you have rather had him just stay and do something with you? To share and have time together? Are you thinking that he should want to do that? He should want to be with you and spent his time with you? You know if you are, you are not wrong to feel that way! And it hurts because it is not your fault that you can not be out there with him. But yet you do not want to be the one to hold him back or spoil his fun. ( that is very noble of you and honestly I admire that trait, I also am allot like that) but in the end it does not help you! If it did you would not feel the way you do and be posting. I have been there! If your husband does not take it upon himself to see what this does to you, (I sense in your post you want him too!) Then sit down with him and talk about it, and tell him of your feelings! Tell him how you cry when is is out hunting! Share your honest feelings with him Him, about him being out there having fun, (reguardless of with who), and you sitting at home crying! You know the way things are, does nothing to help a marriage, you can only do this for so long, and it will eventually have an affect on your marriage. You eventually grow apart ,PLEASE don't let that happen, do not be the martyr, or the tough gal, that can handle the hurt, you are human, and it doesn't work anyway!
You have had to change your life style because of your condition and pain, it is not wrong to expect your spouse to voluntarily change his or her life style so you can be together as an pair! Because that is the only way your going to remain together to do things. And if for what ever reason your spouse can't see that and change on his own, then open his eyes and show him. Find something new that you both can do together! If you love a person you should want to be with them. I am not saying that he should not have time to himself or you have your time. But if it bothers you, and obviously it does! then this is not one of them! I have been where you are at and done that for many many many years, I kept my mouth shut and did not want to be a bother to my wife, and she did not see what it was doing to me or our marriage. Or if she did she chose not to care! But either way, you know how it turned out for me. Don't let that happen to you without at least trying.
I wish you only the best Scarred!
Moderator Chronic Pain
After spending nearly 22 1/2 years in the USAF, I retired in Sept, 1991. I then went back to school and became a licensed RN in 1994, and I worked on Oncology and then a Med Surg Unit, I became disabled in late 1999 and was approved SSD in early 2002!-- DDD, With herniated Disk at T-12 and L4-5. C5-C6 ACDF in Sep 2009, C6-C7 ACDF in Mar 1985, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications:Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV I am White Beard with a White Beard!
Post Edited (White Beard) : 1/29/2011 3:50:33 PM (GMT-7)