Not pain of the body just the heart..

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

mama6
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 2/26/2011 1:24 PM (GMT -6)   
So I had lots of pain yesterday and finally fell asleep on the couch. My husband was taking the kids to the eye dr. since he was off from work. Well we haven't been"close" at all lately all coming from his part. Anyways, I asked him if they were going to be late , so he yells at me "I don't even know why they woke you up." So I ask what his problem is..I'm getting ready to take our oldest son to go get a car so he has it for college and work and stops leaving me without a car throughout the week after i get home from work.Some how it leads to... He makes some other nasty comments about why he's not "close" to me, all my fault things. If you showered more or whatever.Ok, just to say I shower all the time..he works nights how would he know. So he's saying I smell? I mean what the H**L!! I am crying right now writing this. It hurts so bad. I feel unwanted,ignored, and disgusting cry cry cry So I lash back about some hussy he cheated on me with when we first dated and how riddled with infection she was. Then I went to far and told him maybe he was gay like his uncles. I have honestly thought that. I've suspected cheating but he is an open book. You could go through anything of his, call anytime, comes home when he's suppose to. nono
This is so immbarrassing saying it. Anyone who personally knows me, I couldn't tell this to. If he and i end up ok, they would constantly be thinking about what he said.
I have gone on this 17 day diet and lost 14 1/2 # in the last 17 days..today i start the 2nd 17 days. I went and had my hair done, including highlights(even though it killed my neck and back sitting in the chairs so long) all in hopes to spark something..now he says this. He's been gone for about 4 hours now and just called me to ask if I'm still mad and do i need anything from the store. All i could say was nope and hang up. What do i do. This is aggrivating my pain levels at this moment. Recently i suggested counseling and he said sure but our schedules are so off i haven't found a time to go. I hate this though. We have been together off and on since junior high school.I feel like I want this more than he does! I don't want my marriage to fall apart but i am lonely, sad, and in pain.Thanks Heather
Big Hugs, Mama6

DX. with Fibromyalgia, Narcolepsy, Rhuematoid arthritis and Osteoarthritis, Herniated disc 3x in last 7 months
Meds: , Cymbalta, , Hydrocodone 5/350,Hydrocodone 7.5/Nabumetone,thyroid med, vitamin D, Iron,methocarbamol,muscle relaxer,

Mother to 5 wonderfull kids.
Allow me to be strong just another day.

mama6
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 2/26/2011 4:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Paula,
No offense taken. I really do take my showers everyday. I sometimes do twice a day just because it helps with the pain sometimes to have the shower run over me. I made a comment to my husband awhile back that since I gained extra pounds that i noticed people just assume(not for me but a fellow co-worker and comments people were making about her)that overweight people are just lazy, don't shower and curl up with a tub of ice cream every night. He knows i am really eating healthy to try and gain control of the predisone weight gain, so he made the other comment. He was trying to be hurtful. It was. I have been trying to come to turns of why he doesn't want me so.. Anyways i have told him how he makes me feel, not in a attacking way just talking but he makes no effort to change.
I will let the stuff stay in the past. I was just so hurt he was bringing something like that up that I wanted to hurt him back. Childish i know.
I will take your advice and try to work on finding more things we can do together. Now he has invited me to the video store and sams club, so I guess i will go and make an effort to not be angry and resentful.
Thanks Paula i always, always appreciate your advice. Heather smilewinkgrin
Big Hugs, Mama6

DX. with Fibromyalgia, Narcolepsy, Rhuematoid arthritis and Osteoarthritis, Herniated disc 3x in last 7 months
Meds: , Cymbalta, , Hydrocodone 5/350,Hydrocodone 7.5/Nabumetone,thyroid med, vitamin D, Iron,methocarbamol,muscle relaxer,

Mother to 5 wonderfull kids.
Allow me to be strong just another day.

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16295
   Posted 2/26/2011 4:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Heather I gained a lot of weight from steroids and once off of them it took a good year to get them out of my system. Once that happened the weight came back off. May I ask why you are on steroids? Is it because of your RA?

Hope things calm down for you.
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

mama6
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 2/26/2011 4:53 PM (GMT -6)   
straydog,
Yes, I am on them for the RA. Well that's what the Rhuemy thinks it is. I have been on them since November. I have been on a steady climb since then. I have to say I was already tipping the scales a little before. After I gave birth to each of the 5 kids I climbed the scale a little. I had been really starting to get in under control before the predisone. I joined a gym and even have my WII fitness, although it's hard on the joints to do some of that now.
I am happy to hear the weight comes off once the predisone decreases. I am at a point where I don't eat any meats except chicken breast, turkey breast and salmon. All the veggies i want(well all the green ones and carrots). 2 fruits a day before 2pm because it's easier to burn them off before that. 2 yogurts a day. No bread, no rice, no potatoes, no yams, no beans, no cheeses except parmessian and blue cheese crumbles. There are a lot of NO's.
I feel better spirit wise because of it, well until today. My joints and all are still very painful and some are way more stiff than others. I hope i can at least maintain, although more weight loss would be heavenly right now.
Take care. Heather
Big Hugs, Mama6

DX. with Fibromyalgia, Narcolepsy, Rhuematoid arthritis and Osteoarthritis, Herniated disc 3x in last 7 months
Meds: , Cymbalta, , Hydrocodone 5/350,Hydrocodone 7.5/Nabumetone,thyroid med, vitamin D, Iron,methocarbamol,muscle relaxer,

Mother to 5 wonderfull kids.
Allow me to be strong just another day.

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 2/26/2011 6:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Heather...

I only make it on here occasionally as I hardly have time/energy to breathe on most days... but your post caught my eye and tugged at my heart. I'm sorry for the things you are going through and how you are feeling. :(

The pressures of pain/illness, life, having a house full of kids - it's hard on any relationship. It doesn't make verbally hurting one another ok - but it happens, trust me...I could write a book on this.

Re: the weight gain - I, too, have had weight gain from steroids (been off of the for awhile now; just take on occasion for short bursts)... and, of course, 5000 kids. I just gained 75 pounds from having to eat a high protein diet w/ the twins - and I've lost about 50 of it. Anyway - point is - I think you are doing great.

Anyway, I wish I had more words to help - but I really just wanted to tell you that I can relate... I'd give you a hug, if I could :) Again - life, relationships, pain, etc are hard. Just take it day by day and do the best you can.

Know we all care... Hugs, --Tina
Main Health Issues: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibro; Chronic Pain (back issues, migraines, carpal tunnel, among other things); Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism and Hypoadrenalism; Mixed Sleep Apnea (on BiPap); Depression/Anxiety; Vitamin D Deficiency.

mama6
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 2/26/2011 8:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Paula,
I see you know all to well what it's like.Wish we didn't
My husband brings me treats to. I finally asked if he was trying to sabatoge me. He says no..but with some of the things he has said here and there I wonder. It is difficult when he says he hears but does nothing to help with change. I hate to bring up his short comings but he has packed on quite a bit of weight a good 60#'s over the years. My point is though I still find him to be a cutie and tell him so. I guess woman think differently. I just thought I was marrying a man who loved me no matter what. I really think the weight is a big part why he doesn't bother "being close" to me. Ugh, sorry, ranting again. Thank you for the support!!

Tina,
I haven't been on in awhile either with the kids, dr.'s appts. and life it's good to see you. Thank you for your kind words. 50# weight loss!! Wow that is great!! I can't wait until I can say that. I think I'll stand in the front yard and yell it. haha! ok maybe not. Congratulations that's quite an accomplishment!
You are right, all of the stuff-crapola-as my mom says has just stressed our relationship too...well...where we are now. I am just so angry and hurt after this one. I did go with him to the video store and sams but I didn't say a whole lot. I tried not to be rude but I feel just too hurt to play all nicey pretend nothing happen kind of thing. Not to make excuses because my behavior wasn't good but i felt like a cat backed into a corner..I just let out the claws. Why he would start up saying all he did just makes me feel like he really see's me like that..which I didn't know..which hurts and upsets me. The one person I thought I could trust basically just said nope you can't, I will hurt you deep for no reason if given the chance. Does that make any sense? I don't know I'm still rambling, sorry.
Thanks for being there. Everyone kind words of support DO make me feel better about me. Take care Heather sad
Big Hugs, Mama6

DX. with Fibromyalgia, Narcolepsy, Rhuematoid arthritis and Osteoarthritis, Herniated disc 3x in last 7 months
Meds: , Cymbalta, , Hydrocodone 5/350,Hydrocodone 7.5/Nabumetone,thyroid med, vitamin D, Iron,methocarbamol,muscle relaxer,

Mother to 5 wonderfull kids.
Allow me to be strong just another day.

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 2/26/2011 9:50 PM (GMT -6)   

 

   Dear Heather,

    You know, it takes a lot to come and be open about such a personal part of you life. It couldn't have been easy. *warm hugg* I think on some level we can all relate. Lets face it, our bodies are changing. Our life is changing. Who we are on the inside is being shaken to our very cores. Shaken in ways that no one in this day and age should ever have to suffer through. But we do it. We live it. We are surviving the only way we know how.

     I think at times our loved ones feel as hopeless as we do. Powerless as we do. As angry as we are, that everything is being taken away.....   But somewhere, deep inside, we are all just scared of the future. Scared of what will happen next. Our loved ones are scared too. It isn't just us. Because of that deep fear, communication often begins to fail.

     So, what to do about it? First and foremost you MUST learn how to fight. There are ground rules. You will need to keep up the ground rules even when your husband does not. We all must lead by example. Change comes slowly. Change will never come until someone is brave enough to set change in motion. Especially when something has been done the same way over many years.

1. No disrespectful judgments.
This means no curse words. Not even supplemental curse words.

2. There is no "I" in "Team".
You absolutely cannot start out any sentence with "You never..." "You always..." "Your the one who...".
You MUST say "We need.." "We should change..."

3. No shouting. No yelling.
You will both break down the moment either of you feels threatened. If you cant talk in a somewhat normal tone then leave and try again at a later time.

4. ..speaking of times. No one likes being hit out of the blue.
Make an appointment. Designate a time to talk about uncomfortable things. This way you both know that it will be a hard conversation.

5. Write out your concerns and goal(s).
Think about what you are needing and wanting to change before the "talk". Write it down or go over it in your mind. You need the subject. The problem. So together you can reach solution(s) you can both agree on.

6. No reruns!
If the conversation is not going anywhere.... retreat from the conversation. Be sure he knows you will need to talk about it again later (next day). Usually with a clear head you can both come up with good ideas to try to solve the problem(s).

7. Hug once the conversation is done. Even if you decided to end the conversation to try again later with clear minds. The hard conversations are always very draining and it is important that you both come together once it is done.

Aaahhh...sexual fulfillment....  I am going to email you a link to a site that is Christian in nature but it has great tips and step by step guide on these vary aspects about marriage. If it isn't something you are interested in just delete it. Also, I don't know if you know this or not, but you can also receive valuable marriage counseling online too. You don't have to travel down to someone's office. You can do homework assignments from home and discussions from home. Of course marriage counseling can be done even with a combination of home and office settings too. You don't have to go strictly from an office setting.

      I really hope you are doing okay tonight. Be sure to rest when you can. Know you are in our hearts here!

*warm hugg*
  dani


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Chronic Pain Moderator
Mail

mama6
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 2/27/2011 12:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Dani,
Your wonderful advice really touched my heart. It hit me and rang true on so many levels. I cried when I read it. It is everything that I would have done in the past but had just lost my way somewhere. It was a good wake up call that I need to get back to.
He apologized to me last night and said he was sorry he said that to me the minute he said it. I have heard a whole lot of babe are you ok, do you need something, and all that since last night. He woke up this morning and rubbed my hands and shoulders because they were so stiff and painful. I have to try too, I know.
I hate the way we fight when we do. We are mean, as you have read, and uncaring. When things are good they are great. I am sure he does feel some type of resentmeant, maybe not so much towards me, but towards the disease, I figure since he can't hurt it well I'm here. Not so much on purpose, but he does. idea I would love a link that will help with the sexual issues. I hope he can at least make an effort. He says he is still attracted to me but..well actions speak louder than words. I know I can't control his response, but continue trying.
So that's where I am at today. It was imbarrassing to put it out there and say this is what I am going through but as many times as I have came here and left for awhile everyone here has always been so supportive, and non-judge mental. I knew of anyone I could be honest and lay my heart out there it would be with all of you. As usual you have all came through for me. I thank you, and send big hugs your way. Heather
Big Hugs, Mama6

DX. with Fibromyalgia, Narcolepsy, Rhuematoid arthritis and Osteoarthritis, Herniated disc 3x in last 7 months
Meds: , Cymbalta, , Hydrocodone 5/350,Hydrocodone 7.5/Nabumetone,thyroid med, vitamin D, Iron,methocarbamol,muscle relaxer,

Mother to 5 wonderfull kids.
Allow me to be strong just another day.

BadDay
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 1067
   Posted 2/27/2011 5:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mama6 thanks for directing me here and for sharing , i know where you are coming from even tho my Husband and i do have a Very Good relationship we have our bad days as all do his famous hurtful saying to me is "Don't help what can You do just go sit down" makes me feel more Useless we have been together 18yrs iv'e had RA Diagnosis for 17 so it's pretty much been the 3rd person in our relationship,he has been faithful and we do do most things together the RA has taken my "Closeness" from me we have not been "Close" for over 3 yrs first it was pain then heart then Disc prolapses  sometimes i look at him and wonder why he's still here but he just says there's more to marriage than that. don't get me wrong he's no saint he will still leave clothes all over the floor and his hobby is repairing push bikes so i have to dodge bicycle wheels in my living room. i try to do what i can but must admit some times will go 3 days without bath as just too sore by time i get in get Hubby to help get me out get dried - that's the hard bit by then i'm totaly exhausted then because i'm exhausted and in pain i have what i call a hot attack where i sweat, well waste of time having a bath wasn't it. and i too have gained weight with steroids and face has that round look i think Dr called it cushings and my eyes are puffy, real Beauty arn't i so i throw on sweat pants and fall into the couch.
         skull
Rhumatoid Arthritis 17Yrs.(that is Diagnosed-but had symptoms since teenage) Asthma,Osteoperosis,Cervical Spondalosos,Degenerative Disc Disese,Diabetes,Heart svt
Cimzia, Metheltrexate,Tramal 200mg(twice Day),Prednisone,Diabetes.
- - -
* We are Born Crying We Die Crying Try to Laugh inbetween,None of us are Getting out of here Alive *

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1560
   Posted 2/27/2011 6:09 PM (GMT -6)   
This is a really good subject. I think as a married woman myself that we that are living through this CP nightmare have a tendency of expecting too much from our better halves. I know I do. Then I'll ask him "why do you stick it out with me?" and his reply is always "for better or worse baby." Then I will cry.

With my marriage its a bit different. I was married twice; the first being physcally abusive and the second being verbally. This one is different though. Hubby is one of those guys that would give a friend the shirt off of his back if he thought it would help. And even though he is trying real hard to stick to his diet, he loves to come home with chocolates for me and help me eat them LOL!

Okay so back to my original thought here, my husband is a very easy going, quiet guy. He rarely blows his top and never with me. I don't think I have ever seen him mad in the 14 years we have been married. But, he has been through what I am going through. A week after I hurt my back he hurt his at work. He was a mechanic at the time and the doctors say that he herniated his lower back. But what really makes me wonder is the fact that his got better and mine got worse.

Anyway, since I have a hubby that has felt that much pain, I think it has made him a little more sympethic to my pain. But, he does have his downfalls....he does get tired of staying home and watching me try to distract myself from the pain. I can't really blame him cause I know I am not exactly the catch of the day or the century since my inital injury.

I sure hope this hasn't been one of my ramblings and ya'll understand my conversation. Have a low pain night friends.

Hugs

Scarred
I live to "Tame My Pain!"

mama6
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 2/27/2011 6:29 PM (GMT -6)   
BADDAY,
I'm glad you came here. As you can see it was just to much of my BLAH BLAH Blah to repeat to your post. It is hard I must admit for me to consider being "close" to my husband. A part of me(the pain and stiffness part) is semi-thankful he doesn't try. I think it's the lack of attempt that hurts me. It just makes me feel like..unwanted. I understand the useless part. My husband offers, since he is gone when i am home all week, to go to the store or whatever and if I say i'll go instead he just says: no, no you can't carry the stuff anyways, right?" Then other
times he acts like I'm she-woman. Heck the only reason i do all the heavy lifting at work and stuff is because i have to work. We can't afford anything else. It is so difficult all the way around to be a wife, mother, try to work, and stay attractive. It's so good that your husband helps you with all of those things, you are lucky in that respect.
Scarred,
Wow it was so brave of you to talk about what you have been through with your other marriages. I too think I expect to much. I expect life to just continue, after all i still work, and take care of the kids, the house, the cooking. By the end of the day I am wiped out but it has to be done. I wake every morning at 5:00 in continuos pain and stiffness and do it again. Much like all of you do. It is good when you find that support. Today my husband is in the kiss up mode but at least i know he know's it hurt me. It doesn't make it better. He did tell me it hurt him too with what I said. I knew it did, and felt bad after I said it. I guess just staying strong and trying to work through it, but it is hard to do. One hour at a time? Maybe?
Thanks for both of your support, Heather :-)
Big Hugs, Mama6

DX. with Fibromyalgia, Narcolepsy, Rhuematoid arthritis and Osteoarthritis, Herniated disc 3x in last 7 months
Meds: , Cymbalta, , Hydrocodone 5/350,Hydrocodone 7.5/Nabumetone,thyroid med, vitamin D, Iron,methocarbamol,muscle relaxer,

Mother to 5 wonderfull kids.
Allow me to be strong just another day.

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16295
   Posted 2/28/2011 2:33 AM (GMT -6)   
Heather is steroids the only medication your dr is treating your RA with? Has he ever tried you on any of the newer meds like the biologics, Enbrel, Remicade, or Humira? I know they seem to be getting some very good results with the biologics. I was on steroids for three and a half years and at the time I did not know they were not for long term use. I had my head stuck in the sand because I thought my dr knew what he was doing. It was not until I was hospitalized that I found out that you can only have so much of it and not for long term use. As a result of the long term use I now have osteoporosis my lumbar spine.

I meant to ask you this in my previous post and forgot.
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Rhaevin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 2/28/2011 9:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Dani -- Thank you so very much for such wonderful advice!
 
Heather -- *hugs*  You are a beautiful and wonderful woman, and don't you forget that! I'm glad Dani posted such wonderful advice for not just you, but for all of us. I know alot of my married friends, with their hectic schedules, try to set a Date Night ... if the kids are young they shuffle them off to the Grandparents or hire a babysitter. It gives them a chance to rekindle some of that lost fire from the early courtship years. Dress up! Put on something that makes you feel sexy wear some of your favorite jewelry, get your hair and nails done. If for no other reason then to do it for yourself! I discovered pedicares when I was pregnant ... now I get them done once in awhile cause it's easier to let someone else trim and file (as well as paint) my toes for me. Even just lounging around in jammies there is something about painted toes that's just cute.
 
I'm sorry your having a rough patch with your husband, but there's been so many people giving such wonderful suggestions and advice. As everyone has said, CP is hard, not just on the person dealing with it, but it also affects those around us. My family used to be concerned about when I was moving out... now my Mother would rather have me here where she can be there for me when I'm having a bad day; and the bad days are starting to out number the good. My Ex-Husband said he understood what he was getting into when we got into our relationship, and eventually married, but it would appear it'd all been a lie. The first time my pain really became an issue there was no support or caring from him, only harsh words about how my pain interfered with his happiness. But folks are right, what's in the past has to stay there, and you /both/ have to let it go. Reliving that sort of hurt and pain doesn't promote healing and understanding.
 
I really hope the best for you. *hugs* Remember, you ARE beautiful! smilewinkgrin
Originally injured 10/26/2007 - Initial diagnosis; Tendonitis
Spent next year seeing specialist after specialist; Bone, Muscle, Hand, Chriopractor, Physical Therapist...
Went through a battery of tests, multiple MRI's
11/16/09 I was finally diagnosed CRPS - Stage 2
Permanently disabled and on Percoset for pain.
Hoping 2011 will see my spinal cord stimulator unit finally implanted.

mama6
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 2/28/2011 2:39 PM (GMT -6)   
StrayDog,
My Rhuemy has me on Plaquenil and the predisone. I have been on pred. off and on for the last year. Continuously since November. I wondered if I should be on it long term.i already have OA as well and with something like predisone it is always scary. I do see him On the 7th of March. My meds only worked for the first couple of months. I started noticing back in the first of January that my pain and stiffness started increasing again, almost daily. Now I feel like we have to do something different. I was on the plaquenil actually in October but kept getting migraines so he put me on sulfar..something or other and i knew right away(I know they take time but not this one) after a month i had no change. With the plaquenil I slowly started to feel better but all of a sudden not. It's funny you aked that because I was thinking earlier about asking what better meds are out there. Thanks for any info!

Rhaevin,
Yes hats off to DANI!! Well everyone for that matter!!
Our kids rang from 18-8. The older ones will watch the kids. All the family lives in Cali. So we can't take them there but we can get the older ones to watch them.
I appreciate your kind words! You are so sweet. That's the main problem...we have lost our way and let all the stuff just mount up. We need to get back to us. I tell him all the time that soon the kids will all leave home and we will have to know how to just be together. He agrees but it's a matter of taking the time out of our schedules to do it. It is important enough and should be something we spend time on.
Everyone here, ALL OF YOU, are amazing people that are so supportive whenever and for whatever the issue may be. I thank GOD for having been lucky enough to have came here, way back when.
Thanks again Heather
Big Hugs, Mama6

DX. with Fibromyalgia, Narcolepsy, Rhuematoid arthritis and Osteoarthritis, Herniated disc 3x in last 7 months
Meds: , Cymbalta, , Hydrocodone 5/350,Hydrocodone 7.5/Nabumetone,thyroid med, vitamin D, Iron,methocarbamol,muscle relaxer,

Mother to 5 wonderfull kids.
Allow me to be strong just another day.

Songwriter
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 3/1/2011 9:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Heather, well this is my first post on this forum that you suggested. I saw your name so tried this thread first.
 
So sorry to hear about your troubles. You have been given some wonderful suggestions that I cannot improve on. Though married 34 years, we have had our fights in the past and did not follow those nice rules someone posted. The bad fights often deteriorated into really hurtful old stuff.
 
Too bad about the weight monster. I have been really overweight most of my married life, but the husband is not put off by it. Guess I am fortunage about that, but when I was younger, I was put off by it. The only thing I have successfully done to lose weight (I would be wealthy if I had a $1 for every pound I have lost and gained back over and over again!) is Weight Watchers. I do not go to meetings, just follow their point system.
 
Recently, with my increased pain issues, the husband tells me I am irritable or he will use the word "testy" . Well duh, "I am in pain!" I tell him and then he backs off.
 
I would be realing from the hurt things that your husband has said to you.  Hopefully he will go to counseling or talk things out with you without lashing out. Besides his weight problem, does he have things not going right for him also, like pain, job, health issues, finances? I think sometimes the spouse is easiest to lash out against, but is the person who should be our best friend and comforter!
 
 

mama6
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 3/1/2011 2:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Songwriter,
I'm glad you found this forum as well. It stays pretty active here.
My husband finally sat down and said I didn't deserve this. Not his words, his treatment or any of it. I was glad to hear it but I was cautious, or I am now. It is so difficult to know if he's sorry now because I was so angry with him, or because he gets it. I guess for now I just take it as it is and be happy for his turn around.
My husband doesn't usually talk about the weight but he has brought it up maybe 2 x in the last 20 something years. Enough that I still remember what was said and how it hurt. Of course that was midst of an arguement. He says we love like no other and fight worse than anyone we know. That is true. He does many things for me daily because he was thinking of me. Including getting this new computer chair that does all kinds of things. I use to get headaches after being on here for awhile. He encourages me to get on here and vent..boy if he only knew, right?
he does have high cholesterol and low testosterone, that he takes meds for. I know both of those can cause issues with being close, but with taking the meds it is supposed to help. Maybe it still effects him, but when things are said like he did in the heat of an argument it makes you question all of it.
It's so good that your husband doesn't judge you or put you down for the weight. That's what I mean by supportive husband. You are lucky. I know what you mean about the duh I'm in pain. When mine first got real bad he would constantly ask if I was ok. When I would keep saying no I hurt, he'd say I was just asking.I thought how many ways can I tell you I'm hurting? Ugh gotta love them..I suppose turn smilewinkgrin Heather
Big Hugs, Mama6

DX. with Fibromyalgia, Narcolepsy, Rhuematoid arthritis and Osteoarthritis, Herniated disc 3x in last 7 months
Meds: , Cymbalta, , Hydrocodone 5/350,Hydrocodone 7.5/Nabumetone,thyroid med, vitamin D, Iron,methocarbamol,muscle relaxer,

Mother to 5 wonderfull kids.
Allow me to be strong just another day.

Songwriter
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 3/1/2011 10:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Heather, Oh I can relate to the constant asking if you are OK. I know he means well, but no I am not OK. Now my asthma has kicked up and I am fighting a constant cough. When I am exhausted with the few things that I do to get ready for bed, he thinks something is wrong because I am exhausted and a little breathless. I keep reminding him that this is my usual pattern now, not that I like it, but it happens every night and I am able to get my breath and relax after only a few minutes. I guess I have to keep reassuring him that I am ok since this is all relatively new for us.

I know I am lucky having my husband (Just dont feel lucky when he is having an off day and driving me nuts).

So glad you were able to talk. But I know what you mean about not knowing if he is sorry because he gets it or that you got so angry. Again, this was more common in our earlier years together, but when he would push me too much and I did get angry, then he wanted to apologize right away and have that make everything all better. I never realized I could hold on to something, but I can and did. It just did not go away (the hurtful things said) with a poof of an apology. I needed some time to see him in a good light again.

One day at a time I guess. Glad you are able to take it as it is now and be happy for his turnaround.
Mother of 3, grandmother of 4. I have OA, FM, and now possibly RA or polymyalgia rheumatica (January 2011) Taking Predisone, tapering.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Thursday, June 21, 2018 2:18 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,974,187 posts in 326,158 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161234 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, hennaheather.
408 Guest(s), 16 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
super20dan, hennaheather, mattamx, Katerina-b, LucyDog, opugirl, Gismo94, The Dude Abides, ntzguy, Pratoman, UC_from_39, Pauly198, mtm1704, roczebra, U.C.Me?, elvin