You know, it takes a lot to come and be open about such a personal part of you life. It couldn't have been easy. *warm hugg* I think on some level we can all relate. Lets face it, our bodies are changing. Our life is changing. Who we are on the inside is being shaken to our very cores. Shaken in ways that no one in this day and age should ever have to suffer through. But we do it. We live it. We are surviving the only way we know how.
I think at times our loved ones feel as hopeless as we do. Powerless as we do. As angry as we are, that everything is being taken away..... But somewhere, deep inside, we are all just scared of the future. Scared of what will happen next. Our loved ones are scared too. It isn't just us. Because of that deep fear, communication often begins to fail.
So, what to do about it? First and foremost you MUST learn how to fight. There are ground rules. You will need to keep up the ground rules even when your husband does not. We all must lead by example. Change comes slowly. Change will never come until someone is brave enough to set change in motion. Especially when something has been done the same way over many years.
1. No disrespectful judgments.
This means no curse words. Not even supplemental curse words.
2. There is no "I" in "Team".
You absolutely cannot start out any sentence with "You never..." "You always..." "Your the one who...".
You MUST say "We need.." "We should change..."
3. No shouting. No yelling.
You will both break down the moment either of you feels threatened. If you cant talk in a somewhat normal tone then leave and try again at a later time.
4. ..speaking of times. No one likes being hit out of the blue.
Make an appointment. Designate a time to talk about uncomfortable things. This way you both know that it will be a hard conversation.
5. Write out your concerns and goal(s).
Think about what you are needing and wanting to change before the "talk". Write it down or go over it in your mind. You need the subject. The problem. So together you can reach solution(s) you can both agree on.
6. No reruns!
If the conversation is not going anywhere.... retreat from the conversation. Be sure he knows you will need to talk about it again later (next day). Usually with a clear head you can both come up with good ideas to try to solve the problem(s).
7. Hug once the conversation is done. Even if you decided to end the conversation to try again later with clear minds. The hard conversations are always very draining and it is important that you both come together once it is done.
Aaahhh...sexual fulfillment.... I am going to email you a link to a site that is Christian in nature but it has great tips and step by step guide on these vary aspects about marriage. If it isn't something you are interested in just delete it. Also, I don't know if you know this or not, but you can also receive valuable marriage counseling online too. You don't have to travel down to someone's office. You can do homework assignments from home and discussions from home. Of course marriage counseling can be done even with a combination of home and office settings too. You don't have to go strictly from an office setting.
I really hope you are doing okay tonight. Be sure to rest when you can. Know you are in our hearts here!