Just wanted to let you know that you are really not alone. There are a lot of us out here that know where you are and feel the same way. I'm 45, divorced, a chronic pain sufferer, and always thought I would have a family at this point in my life.
Unfortunately, the time was never right for me to have children and I basically ran out of time and ability. Unless I get lucky(which I'm usually not), and end up marrying someone with family, I'll end up the lonely old lady with the cats. The thing that has been the most devastating to me has been that I've always been hyper-sensive to my monthly reproductive cycle, as it has always given me problems. A couple of years ago, I had to have my female "plumbing" disconnected to resolve some medical issues. Thus, any remote chance that existed for me, any remaining hope I held onto was finally and forever snuffed out by a surgeon's scalpel.
At the time, I was at least in a committed relationship, but unfortunately, that has now gone by the wayside as well. So now I am completely alone, except for my cats, and am back trying to find someone to share my life with, a prospect that seems to get more daunting as time goes by. So you see, you are not the only who is struggling with these issues. I often wonder what my life would have been like if things had been different, but I remind myself that it's pointless to spend time on the "what ifs" since the past can't be changed. I can only look foward and try to be positive that I can't have suffered all this time in vain. I'm a firm believer in KARMA, and by all counts, my number is due to come up soon. Life has certainly got to get better for me. I have to believe that and I choose to do so. I hope you can do the same, and I'll keep you in my prayers.
Hang in there.
•On Disability for: Chronic Migraines, serious Back and Knee problems (will need surgery eventually), moderate Depression, Anxiety/Panic disorder, TMJ, stomach problems
•Divorced, 45, spawn-free
"THE WEATHER IS HERE, I WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL." -Jimmy Buffett