I am so depressed. I am over this RA stuff. I start methotrexate for the first time tomorrow. It gets to go with the plaquenil and predisone I have been on. I did not want to ever start this. I had heard bad things and read bad things over the last year about
it. I posted on the RA Forum and they gave me such good advice about
it and how it may make me sick and when to take it so I can keep working an taking care of my kids. Even though I just woke up today and threw my diet out the window. I am so tired. I know it's depression. I haven't felt it in a long time even with everything I have been through. I dreaded this day. The day before du du duhhhhh..that's how I feel. like I'm in a bad horror film that I know the killer is right around the corner lurking and yet I knowingly am walking right into it.(pretty dramatic I know) I want to scream at myself " Hey you don't walk around that corner." I have to though. the other meds aren't stopping the RA enough. So I have to. I hate being in a situation like this. My body aches, and hurts, doesn't move right, is to fat. I'm a let down to my family..they don't have to say it, i feel it. I am not me anymore and it sucks!!!
Some of my fear started with everything I saw my mom go through this year.
Background info, some may remember that my mother went through a double mastectomy this last November after dx with breast cancer. I have seen what the meds have done to her. She is so drained and not herself. The only good thing in her case is she doesn't work and has no-one at home. It's depressing in one sense but not having those responsabilities if she gets sick from the meds she can go back to bed. Does that make sense? No it sounds mean. I don't mean it like that. I love my mom and miss her everyday. 2000 miles away from me makes me ache. Even though we talk4-5 times a week I want my mommy.
UHGG I am just rambling at this point. I just wanted to vent. I know all of you have so much more than this going on, and that makes me sad and depressed too.
My hubby is taking me out tonight for dinner and drinks or something as a last call type of thing?
Which is nice but i don't feel like it. I am going since he is being so thoughtful and am going to try to enjoy myself before D Day. Hope all is well. take care. Heather
Big Hugs, Mama6
DX. w/ Low thyroid, Low Vit. D, Low Iron, Fibromyalgia, Narcolepsy, Rhuematoid arthritis , Osteoarthritis, Torn rotator cuff(2 year old work injury)
Meds: , Cymbalta, , Hydrocodone 5/350,Hydrocodone 7.5/Nabumetone,thyroid med, vitamin D, Iron,methocarbamol,muscle relaxer, Methotrexate, Plaquenil, Predisone
Mom to 5 great kids,who give me the strength to fight another day!