Panic Attacks, Surgeons, and Confussion

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Rhaevin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 3/18/2011 9:30 AM (GMT -6)   
So as some of you may know my sleep habbits have been really off lately. Unable to get to sleep at a reasonable hour, up early to take care of my son, and then frequently I nap in the middle of the day. It's become a vicious cycle that I am attempting to break. I've been lighting scented candles or fragerencent oil in my room at night, practising my meditation, trying to find my center, my calm place, to quiet everything around me.
 
Of course then my pain gets in the way and that kinda shatters any attempt at peace and quiet. One night I remember I had to grab a spare pillow to rest my arm on. Normally I can drape it up over my head, but with my shoulder becoming such an issue I took to draping it over my body. Well, that didn't work either, again the shoulder, so I had to keep it out and relatively strait so the elbow didn't start in either; feather pillows are wonderful for this. I may have to invest in a body pillow at this rate. tongue
 
I saw my PM doc on Monday, and we've got the meds back under control as far as my pain is concerned. He gave me some reassuring words of advice about the surgeon he's found me, and I'm actually a little excited to meet with him as a result. I may yet get that SCS unit I want. He asked how my pain was since I had the trial removed last month and I just shook my head; "Night and Day, doc... night and day."
 
So the night before last was worse then usual. I haven't had pannic attacks in forever, but I remember what they feel like. I'd done my meditation before I went to sleep, got my arm comfortable, and started to drift off, my hand resting atop my cat, her purr soothing to my pain. I don't know how long I was asleep till the first panic attack hit, but it woke me up; my temp spiked, my heart started galloping... I got myself relaxed and went back to sleep. It happened probably a half dozen times that night those panic attacks. confused   I couldn't figure out why, and the lack of sleep put me on the verge of a major migraine. So I tried to catch a nap, tried being the word. In the span of an hour I had 3 more panic attacks. I gave up at that point; what's the point of trying to sleep if your body won't let you? And the nap was taken on my favorite couch with a blanket, as the weather was cold yesterday, and my hand was in agony from the biting weather.
 
Last night I tried to put the panic attacks out of my head, doing my relaxation exercises as usual. I had talked with my boyfriend online before going to bed, and this is the part where I hit confussion. He asked how I was, I mentioned about the panic attacks, wishing he was here to hold me; aside from that night when I had the bad pain flare up I almost always sleep better when he's around. I told him this, told him I missed him, that I wished he was here. So I asked if he was coming out this weekend, (he lives an hour away) especially given I'd be going to stay with him mid-week when I went to meet with my surgeon. He said no, that he'd be out the following weekend. I was confused and expressed my confussion, he replied that he was planning on cleaning his house this weekend. I was utterly confussed at this point. Currently he's unemployed, and our weekends are usually our time. I had even asked him what was going on this weekend that he wasn't coming out, and when he told me because of cleaning I just boggled. Technically he could clean any day of the week if he would just motivate himself to do so, he knows I'm not sleeping well and that I'd really love to have him here. The only thing that prevents me from going there instead is the fact that I can't afford the gas to make two trips out there given I have to go to to his town on Wednesday for an early Thursday morning appointment. I guess I'm just being selfish and need to suck it up, understand and accept it. It's hard from the stand point that he has somewhat championed his cause to get me to open up and depend on him more, to learn to lean on him, that he's there for me, and now when I need him, he's not there... and this is exactly _why_ I didn't want to get dependant on anyone other then my family. My own fault, I guess. I just need to stop whining about it and cope.
 
And yes, I did have another panic attack last night shortly after I went to sleep, but I only remember having one, and near enough I can figure the only real source of possible stress to be causing them so suddenly is the fact that I am meeting with this new doctor for the first time next week, the man who could, or could not, end up doing my SCS implant for me.
 
Sorry for the rant and the whining... guess I need some cheese to go with this post.
Originally injured 10/26/2007 - Initial diagnosis; Tendonitis
Spent next year seeing specialist after specialist; Bone, Muscle, Hand, Neurologist, Chriopractor, Physical Therapist...
Went through a battery of tests, multiple MRI's
11/16/09 I was finally diagnosed CRPS - Stage 2
Permanently disabled, on Percoset.
February 2011 successful SCSU trial
No surgeon willing to do my SCSU Implant

CRPSpatient
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1276
   Posted 3/18/2011 12:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Rhaevin, you've nothing to apologise for that I can see. Thinking of you *HUGS*
CRPS since 1999, diagnosed in 2005 and since spread to full body, spasms, dystonia & contractures, gastroparesis, orthostatic hypotension.

On Oxycontin/Endone, Topamax, Mobic, Magnesium, Florinef, Somac, Cipramil. Have a spinal cord stimulator, intrathecal pump with baclofen & bupivacaine and doing physio.

spinal soldier
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 687
   Posted 3/18/2011 1:37 PM (GMT -6)   
hello, my name is Nick. i get phases of anxiety and nervousness also. i take a xanax1mg or ativan 1mg but i am trying to find ways to meditate/relax, i am pretty highstrung so it is tough. QUESTION: what is your technique to the meditation?

Rhaevin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 3/19/2011 1:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Nick,
I use several different techniques that I have both learned, and been taught over the years. Position of my body is generally seated cross leggd, whether floor, couch, chair, bed, it doesn't matter. I'll use a single candle flame at times and just focus on it, emptying my mind into the flame as if fueling it. This works best in low lighting, or no lighting... maybe a few other candles positioned one to each point of the compass. Also then I will frequently hold something.
 
I also like to sit outside, either on the ground (dirt or on a towel), or on the deck just to get the protection from the sun. There I like to fold my hands in my lap (or if I'm sitting on the ground place palms down to the earth), close my eyes, and focus more on the things around me. The gentle stir of the breeze and the sound it produces, the rythmic splashing of the water in my pond, the fish splashing the surface to chase bugs, the chirping of the birds, and all the other sounds of life around me. It makes me feel small, but also in place with the rest of nature. Stray thoughts are "washed" through my system, leaving through my palms and into the ground, or radiated outwards if my hands are in my lap. Everything is taken in stride, moment to moment in nature.
 
The one I use the most those is the one before bed time. Once the lights are out and I'm in bed, and comfortable, I like to relax every part of my body, starting with my toes, just concentrating on feeling the muscles relax and stretch, working my way back to my head as I mentally "sweep" and "stretch" my mind, settling it to stillness and silence till I almost feel as if I'm floating. But for some reason even after doing this the last few nights, and with my bad arm resting atop one of my cats, soothed by her rumbling purr, I've still found myself floating off to sleep, only to be jolted awake by the frantic beating of my heart.
I know a few other relaxing and calming, centering, techniques, they're hard to explain, and even these I think are poorly worded on how and what I do. Alot of stuff I learned from my time in martial arts, and from when I trained to be a massage therapist, as well as time with a friend of mine who practised ReiKei. Sometimes I use incense just to help provide a clean, comforting smell to my enviroment. And frequently my meditation is done to the soothing sound of a cat's purr as my girls like to be close to me. Some of the one I do when I "commune" with nature was an exercise a very dear friend taught me. Rick had lost his eyesight, and when I was young he taught me to "see" the world as he did. I found focusing my mind so much on everything else around me forced it to be quiet internally while it strained to pick out the faintest of sounds and identify them.
 
I'm not sure if that adequately answered your question or not. If not, please feel free to ask for some more detail and I will do the best I can.
Originally injured 10/26/2007 - Initial diagnosis; Tendonitis
Spent next year seeing specialist after specialist; Bone, Muscle, Hand, Neurologist, Chriopractor, Physical Therapist...
Went through a battery of tests, multiple MRI's
11/16/09 I was finally diagnosed CRPS - Stage 2
Permanently disabled, on Percoset.
February 2011 successful SCSU trial
No surgeon willing to do my SCSU Implant

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 3/19/2011 1:27 PM (GMT -6)   

 

Dear Rhaevin,

 
   You might want to get with a psychologist that can teach your biofeedback. It is somewhat like meditation... but drastically different. The goal in biofeedback is to turn it in to an automatic response when a series of factors begins to happen. Then of course to get you BPM down to 5.0 or lower within a minute. Since you are hooked up while you are going through a battery of triggers, teaching your body to respond with the automatic response to begin biofeedback... there is no need to make a huge fuss about meditating.
 
 
   This is far different from "meditation" though sadly it is confused with meditation. It is NOT. It is training your body to respond immediately to go into biofeedback no matter where you are or what you are doing. Driving, walking, sitting in bed. There is no need to stop your life and find a quiet place. It will become an automatic response that you go into while still going about your tasks. It takes a few months to learn the automatic response. So many sessions while hooked up to the machinery. It is worth it. Trust me. I know.
 
*hugg*
   dani

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Chronic Pain Moderator
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Rhaevin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 3/20/2011 12:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Wow, Dani, that sounds really cool! I'll have to ask my PM doc next time I see him what he thinks about that as a viable option for treatment. I mean he's aware I've taken pain management classes to help block out the sensation of pain ... part of the reason I have such a high threshhold for pain ... and that's all natural; a mind over matter thing.
 
Thankfully the only things I have the jepordize my driving ability, other then my pain, are the ocassional vertigo spells. But much like my panic attacks those have recently been a thing of the past. Not normally brought on by my medication, they're usually triggered by blood pressure or sugar levels. Those I can usually get under control right away and "ground" myself and get my body back in order. If not, then it's simply a matter of pulling over and waiting for the spell to pass. Two things that run in the family genetic tree I guess. My mother thinks my panic attacks were a combination of stress of the unknown and a late night soda. I barely drink soda, maybe have one a day in the afternoon, but for a couple nights in  a row I had one late in the evening; a couple hours before bedtime. So last night I tried no soda, but did cheat and had half a beer (about all I can tolerate since I quit drinking) and I slept like a rock; first time in nights! So tonight I had another soda again just to test the theory. Darned scientific, logical brain.  tongue
 
The thoughest part about the biofeedback is finding a psychologist I am comfortable with and trust. The few in my area I have come to dislike thanks to false reports they wrote up about me, and astronomical fees for their services. If my PM doc can recommend one I'd be willing to make the hour drive (one way) to go in for the treatments. Also it merely fascinates me to have yet that much more control over my body. Thank you so much, for the info!! *gentle hugs* You are such a wonderful woman, and so helpful to all of us here. We are so blessed by your presence.

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 3/20/2011 2:21 AM (GMT -6)   

 

   Oh yes. Your PM will know exactly where to send you. All pain psychologists are trained in Biofeedback  :-)    And hey! I cant blame you for not wanting to mess with a psychologist that is looking for a long term patient. Let him or her know up front that you are seeking assistance with biofeedback, so you can begin right away.  I am 6.6 BPM in one minute flat. smilewinkgrin

*hugg*
  dani


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Chronic Pain Moderator
Mail

JCG32
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 62
   Posted 3/21/2011 7:04 AM (GMT -6)   
I did biofeedback. I have major sleep issues and anxiety as well. I have a trust factor too with doctors in general. Most mental health professionals will come to the phone and you can ask questions and see how you feel. I would also tell that person about your trust issues etc.

Rhaevin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 3/22/2011 12:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you again, Dani! You are too wonderful for words!
 
Thank you also, JCG! It's always nice to here from multiple people that have tried certain things.
 
Well I had a couple sodas prior to bed time last night and no panic attacks, so I ruled out the "to much caffinee before bed" thought, and I haven't had any since those few days. The odd thing was they didn't happen while I was awake, only while I was asleep ... at my most vunerable when all my shields and walls are down. It didn't matter if it was night or day, even my afternoon naps had been interupted. However it's been several days since I've had one, or even the inkling of one; I know what they feel like before they become full blown. I actually got complimented by one of my techs during my trial about how aware I was of my body, and could distinguish the slightest change in things, much like when I was delivering my son and stopped mid-contraction completely when my OBGYN said I needed to so he could free my son's shoulder. I did it twice infact. Both he and the nurse were blown away by my control. So the biofeedback should come pretty easily once I get some formal training. Besides, it'd be nice to have some sort of control over my body. tongue
Originally injured 10/26/2007 - Initial diagnosis; Tendonitis
Spent next year seeing specialist after specialist; Bone, Muscle, Hand, Neurologist, Chriopractor, Physical Therapist...
Went through a battery of tests, multiple MRI's
11/16/09 I was finally diagnosed CRPS - Stage 2
Permanently disabled, on Percoset.
February 2011 successful SCSU trial
No surgeon willing to do my SCSU Implant
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