New to the forum - chronic pain sufferer

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 3/22/2011 1:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, My name is Noelle Leslie.  Everyone calls me Leslie because I was named after my grandmother and my mother so it's less confusing for my family that way.  I however prefer Noelle.  I was asked by Ms. Dani to introduce myself and explain in a little more detail about my life and what my problems were.  I'm going to try my best to do that and I appolgize in advance if I ramble I tend to do that when I'm nervous.  So here goes.   I have suffered with chronic pain  both emotional and physical more than half my life from different reasons.  When I was 13, I was molested by my uncle.  Then raped by a high school mate when I was 15.  Both of which I blame myself for allowing these things to happen and being so stupid as to not see it coming before it was too late.  So I tried to commit suicide.  Obviously, it didn't work.  My sister found me in time.  I had swallowed more than 100 pills, but seeing as my mother worked at the local hospital and didn't want to be embarrassed by my actions they did not take me to the hospital.  I was given a bottle of ipicac to help me throw up the pills and they just hoped for the best.  I was not taken for any therapy or anything. It was never even discussed.  My parents knew nothing about my uncle or the rape, and yet they never even asked me why I did it.  I just was never spoken of. 
Then when I turned 18 I had a steady boyfried, who later became my husband, and I wanted to get birth control pills, so I went to the clinic and they did an examination and found out that I had cervical cancer.  I was terrified and yet I couldn't tell anyone in my family because they would somehow just blame me.  And when I say they I mean my mother.  For some reason unbeknownst to me, my mother dislikes me.  I am one of nine children.  When I was an infant she gave me to my aunt to raise and I didn't come home again until I was 16.  I saw her on family gatherings or occasionally when she came over, but I always wondered and still do as to why  I was the only one she gave away.  I think I was an embarrassment to her in some way.  I don't know and probably never will.
Anyway, after my surgery to remove the cancer and a few months of  chemotherapy, I was given a clean bill of health and discharged.  I lived with my boyfriend at the time, so it was easy to hide my condition from my family.
Then at 20, right before my wedding day, I became pregnant.  I wanted the baby, but my new husband did not, so I had an abortion to please him.  Something I have never gotten over.  Then at after my son was born, when I was 24, I had severe abdominal pain which turned out to me having my gallbladder removed.   Oh, I neglected to mention that because I am only 5 foot 3 inches and maybe 105 pounds and my son was almost 11 pounds, he did not fit down the birth canal, but because I had an HMO and the baby was in no distress I had to just wait it out.  I was in labor for four days.  Then finally a nurse took pity on me and she came in, closed the curtain and said start pushing even though I was only at 8cm.  She said just please trust me.  And I did.  And thank God my son was born 45 minutes later.   Afterwards, they took me to the recovery room which you should be moved out of within an hour, but since they had the room and I as so exhausted the nurses let me sleep in recovery for four hours.  When they came in to take me to my room, I had hemorrhaged and lost a lot of blood and I was unconscious.  I had to have 3 blood tranfusions to save my life.
Okay.  Let's see after my gallbladder, I accidently put the cleaning solution to my contacts instead of the lubricating drops in my eyes and burned the outter layer of my eyes off.  So for two weeks I could only see shadows and to make maters worse it was Christmas Eve. 
There are so many illnesses and injuries that I could write a novel, but I will try and spare you all of that and just go over the worst ones.  I became pregnant again with a little girl and when I went to the doctor, he said I was about four to five months along.  I knew that wasn't possible because my husband was out of town then.  So you can only imagine what he thought.  Until they did an ultrasound and found a grapefruit-size tumor in my unterus.   They told me my only chance of saving my baby  was to have it removed before the baby got any bigger.  They assured me that this procedure had been done successfully in the past, but of course there are always risks.  I had the procedure and continued on with my pregnancy.  In my 6th almost 7th month, I started bleeding and my baby girl died.  After they removed her from me, my husband had them get rid of her remains before I woke up.  He thought it would be easier for me that way.  I could have killed him.  I just wanted to hold my baby girl just once, but it was too late.  Then at my check up several weeks later, I was told I could not have any more children.  And that the tumor could come back or even a bunch of small tumors they did and I had to have several more surgeries to remove them and then to remove the adhesions that formed from those surgeries.  After the last surgery to remove adhesions, I began to experience more and more pain.  I called the doctor and he said just keep taking the pain meds.  Finally, my husband took me to the ER just in the nick of time as they say, I had a huge infection in my uterus that would have killed me with in 48 hours if left untreated.  I spent 3 weeks in the hospital on intravenous antibotics to finally get rid of the infecftion.
Then came the car accident.  I was riding in the back seat.  I took my seat belt off for a minute to tell my boyfriend - my husband had left me by then, he couldn't take all my illnesses - something and before I could lean back and put the seat belt back on he hit an oil slick in the road and the truck we were in flipped six times and landed on top of me.  I required a full spinal fusion and six years of healing and therapy to reach MMI  I still suffer from chronic pain every day of my life.  Not just my back, but unexplained abdominal pain, constant infections and now my teeth from all the stomach acid getting below the gum line from being sick are breaking below the gum line and there is nothing they can do except dentures or implants.  Neither of which I can afford even with my insurance.  
I used to be a court reporter and I loved my job, but with all my health issues I had to quit and file for disability
since I was only 32 when I filled, I don't get very much every month.  I am trying to find some kind of typing job that I can do from home.  Since I had a grand mal seizure my driver's license was taken away.  So I have no transportation to and from a job.  It's hard enough getting friends to take me to my doctors appointments. 
And on a final note,  six months ago my son was diagnosed with Spina Bifida.  I was so wrapped up in my own health issues I failed to see just how sick my son was.  Try and live with that guilt.  I am doing everything I can to help him, but he also suffers in severe chronic pain and can't get his medications either.  
So we take it one day at a time and just pray that somewhere out there somethings gotta give and things will get better. 
Well, Ms. Dani, I'm sure that's much more information than you planned on, but there it is.  And I would just like to say thank you for asking.  So few people ask about me these days, it's kind of nice to know someone was interested enough and cared enough to even ask.
Thank you and God Bless, Noelle68 

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 3/22/2011 1:52 PM (GMT -6)   
       Noelle, I cannot begin to tell you how my heart sank while I began reading your post here.WOW! You have been through quite enough in life.
          It makes me sad that you have gone through all of this, and it is evident you are still struggling with the emoitional scars as well.
      If there is one thing about this forum, it is that the support is for everyone, and the members here do a great job of it.
       Really at this point I'm speechless after reading your post, but I do want you to know, that we are here for you.
        Our hearts go out to you in all sincerity! Thank you for posting and we look forward visiting with you more.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 795
   Posted 3/22/2011 9:59 PM (GMT -6)   

You are a survivor. You have been through so, so much pain and sadness. You are still standing, and doing your best to make a good life for yourself and your son. Emotional and physical healing take time. I, too, wish the members here could take turns running you to the doctor, the store, etc. Is there any kind of a support group where you live? I cannot offer you much help getting to places, but I can say that I am moved by your situation, and I am here to listen anytime you want or need to talk. May God bless you and your son.

Fibromyalgia, Inflammatory Arthritis, Osteoarthritis, Asthma, High BP, DDD, Bulging Discs in Cervical & Lumbar Spine, GERD, Prediabetic
Prednisone, Lexapro, Cardizem, Lisinopril, Advair, Lipitor, Vit D, Joint Supplements, Soma, Tramadol, Fish Oil Supplements
I take one day at a time, and try to save my energy for the joy in life.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1276
   Posted 3/22/2011 10:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Noelle, my heart goes out to you. You've been through so much and been hurt so badly. I'm very glad that you found us - there are wonderful people here and we are here for you.

CRPS since 1999, diagnosed in 2005 and since spread to full body, spasms, dystonia & contractures, gastroparesis, orthostatic hypotension.

On Oxycontin/Endone, Topamax, Mobic, Magnesium, Florinef, Somac, Cipramil. Have a spinal cord stimulator, intrathecal pump with baclofen & bupivacaine and doing physio.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2265
   Posted 3/23/2011 1:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Noelle. Welcome to the chronic pain forum. I'm so sorry for all the things you have gone thru and are still going thru. My heart goes out to you. I'm really really sorry that you never got to hold your baby girl. (((((((((hugs))))))))). That subject really cuts right thru me because I have lost all four of my babies and it hurts like no other hurt to lose a child. You have come to a great place of wonderfully supportive people. We are all here for you. Please come and vent or whatever you need to do. Take care. Bless your heart.

love and hugs
Dx: osteoarthritis, bursitis in left hip, Osteoarthrits in right hip, compression fracture in thoracic spine due to falling on frozen ground March 2001 , ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, osteoarthritis in spine, osteoarthritis in both knees

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 3/23/2011 2:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Noelle, your story is so heart wrenching... I didn't know when I would be able to stop crying for your pain. You are such a strong, incredible woman to have lived through all of that and still be with us, to be doing the best you can for your son. You are a survivor, in more then one way. I wish I lived close to where you are so I could help, but I fear I can do not much more then be a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, words of support and encouragement, and a hug to remind you you're cared for.
Welcome to the Healing Well forum, dearest Noelle, welcome to your new family. May you find some comfort in your time here. *hugs* Know that we'll always be here for you, and remember ... you're not alone.
Originally injured 10/26/2007 - Initial diagnosis; Tendonitis
Spent next year seeing specialist after specialist; Bone, Muscle, Hand, Neurologist, Chriopractor, Physical Therapist...
Went through a battery of tests, multiple MRI's
11/16/09 I was finally diagnosed CRPS - Stage 2
Permanently disabled, on Percoset.
February 2011 successful SCSU trial
No surgeon willing to do my SCSU Implant

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 663
   Posted 3/23/2011 6:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Noelle, wow, I am at a loss for words reading your story. As all the others have said, you have been through it girl! I am so sorry that things are so rough for you right now, but I am glad you found Healing Well.

We have a great "family" here. I think you will find some much needed support here. It's also a great place to come and vent. Please keep coming back and keep us updated. You and your son will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.
Gentle Hugs,

Fibromyalgia, Chronic daily headaches, Migraines, Possible Graves Disease, GERD, High blood pressure, Depression and Anxiety

Oxycontin, Percocet, Lopressor, Lexapro, Omeprazole, Promethazine as needed for nausea, Ventolin inhaler and Vitamin D3

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 3/23/2011 7:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Your story brings me to tears. I am sorry that you have suffered so, but glad you found this forum. There are many caring and loving people here that can help each day.

Your abdominal pain sounds just like mine. I met many doctors who said adhesions or scars from my surgeries can't cause pain, and many doctors know that those scars on organs and muscles can cause tremendous pain and mobility issues.

You are in my prayers. Hoping for some relief for you,
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw

Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, arthritis, kidney stones, depression, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, adhesions. Fentanyl patch, Vicodin, remeron, trazodone, dicyclomine, Miralax, Colace, Multivitamin

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 1355
   Posted 3/23/2011 9:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Noelle, thank you for sharing your story it takes alot of courage to open yourself up to strangers.

Reading your story I could tell as you mentioned there was so much more which you left unsaid but the pain you feel came through loud and clear. You definitely are a survivor and because you are so strong you are going to share your strength and never give up attitude with your son.

I like many others wish we could help in your battle with everyday things like driving you to drs but because logistically it would be impossible we can only offer our friendship and hope that will be enough.

Take Care
Insulin Dependant Diabetic, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, IBS, Sleep Apnea, COPD, Spondylolistesis, Diabetic Neuropathy, Fatty Liver, High Cholesterol
Meds, NovoRapid, Novolin ge, Oxycodene, Zopiclone, Amitriptyline, Crestor
Suppliments Kyo-Dophilus 3 billion cells, Calcium/Magnesium/Vit D3 700/350/200mg, Vit D3 1000ui, Dig Enz (x3), Magnesium 1670mg, Vit C 1000mg, Milk Thistle 500mg, Malic Acid 3300mg

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 3/24/2011 10:30 AM (GMT -6)   

   Dear Noelle,

   Good morning *warm hugg* I am ever so glad you posted an introduction! It is so important that we get the chance to really learn about who you are what you have been through. I know it may have been frightening to post so much about yourself. So many personal and intimate details. I am so glad you were able to trust us. To take a chance with us.

     Your life has been filled with tragedy, heartache, loss and even despair. With a life where it is obvious that all you have ever wanted was a chance to be truly happy. To have to fight cervical cancer alone, afraid. Only to be left with heartless family members who would just as soon forget about you, than to acknowledge you. I can see that was a very hard time in your life. A very dear friend of mine had to fight the same cancer. Even with me tending to her and her children. Cleaning her home. The endless doctor visits and chemo. Working extra to help pay bills... Still it was difficult for her. I simply cannot imagine how hard it must have been to fight alone.

     I remember going into surgery while I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. I was anxious inside. Then all I remember was finally being home. Where I belong. Something wrong, and hurtful kept pulling me back to unbearable pain over and over. All I wanted was to stay home, where I belong. I finally woke after a week in the hospital. My chest hurt badly to breathe. My whole body was in tremendous pain. Apparently I had stopped breathing during the operation. I had to be resuscitated. Aed. Then intubated extended period of time. All I knew was that I missed that place. I was angry I had to come back to so much pain. My daughter was born a few months later. Much smaller than usual but other wise okay.

    Your little one is truly a miracle. I simply cannot fathom how heavy you must feel in your heart over your sons diagnosis. I can tell plain as day he is your heart and soul. If he is anything like his mother he will do his very best in life. Do you have a good medical team for him? Do you have a support group with other mothers in your area? If not I would ask about one with his doctor. *hugg*

     I am terribly sorry that through all that you have been through. All that you have survived through, that your marriage ended in divorce. Sometimes it takes a few tries for perfection. If ever there was anyone more deserving of love and acceptance, it is you. I do hope that your BF is that person to you. You deserve a chance to just Be.

     The auto accident could very well have killed you. You have been brought back from the brink of death many many times. That alone takes it toll on persons life. Let alone all your had to endure through just to be left with so much pain. So much loss. An yet.. here you are. Reaching out to others. Giving your all and taking a chance with us. We just cannot thank you enough. That action alone speaks volumes.

     We are an odd bunch here. We come from all walks of life. Often we all share the same or similar ups and downs in life. It is heart breaking that pain is what brought us together. It is heart warming that a kind souls and open ears are what makes each of us special. Makes you special. We are here anytime you need support, a quiet ear or open mind.


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

Chronic Pain Moderator

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 293
   Posted 3/24/2011 8:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Noelle... I am touched by your storie and speachless.YOu have gone through alot in your life and you are a STRONG women.. I just want to say godbless you and your son and may good things come your way soon. We are all here for you ;)
lyme disease, chronic pain, kneck spasms, anxiety, and ADHD


Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 3/24/2011 9:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Noelle, wow like the other's I'm touched by your story...I wish I knew what to say, to help but your
such a strong loving young women, remember that and give yourself credit for everything
you've over come, your so strong a fighter...Sure hope you'll consider us family, as we try to be one,
helping each other out or trying and offering up support....
We'll do our best to be here for you too....
well wishes and healing hugz
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
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