Good morning Flower123!
Hey!....planning for little ones is one of the greatest highlights in life. Not much more exciting than that!
I can see right now you will make a great mother as you are preplanning and giving this some careful consideration to this life long responsibility. (yes even after they have flown the coop, they still need some guidance)
You know....my children are gone and I now have grandchildren, but I inherited 3 more since I married wonder woman here!
I have a terrible time remembering members DX's and for some reason your's slips my mind, but if you are dealing with constant pain, and I'm sure you are, or you would not be here with us, it could very well rob you of some of the little joys that a healthy mother might experience. However, there are quite a few success stories, and I would think Tina could write a book on it. Of course as was written above, everyones experience can be different and for several reasons, one of which is, the difference in DX's and pain scales.
My grandson is right at 25lbs and it is the max weight that I can lift. Soon, I will not be able to pick him up anymore, and I hate that, as these are the bonding months and years. However, adjustments can be made in leu of this disappointment.
Your fear, and concerns are justified rightfully so! It is a hard decision that only you and your husband can make, and you will have to weigh the pros and cons of this difficult decision. Without sounding negative, one thing you might keep in mind is that many of, if not all of us, have degeneration type conditions, being... that over time we will get worse. How much worse and how fast is anybody's guess!
Aaaaaaahhhh!...lets stay positive though! Flower as a parent myself, there is no greater joy than raising a child from birth, or even adopting, as some do! I have no doubt that you will make a fine mother, because of the careful planning you are doing at this time. Children are resilient and will make the adjustment with their parents as changes occur with your health, so I'm guessing you are seeking some answers as to how YOU will deal with raising a child and living in pain all the time. Of course you are!...it was you're original question! :)
How do you take care of your husband? Are you able to care for him? Well that's not really a fair question is it? Why? Well..this I do know!....a mother will often mustered up a lot more strength when it concerns her children and family. Us Dads feel we are pulling our weight by working a full time job and bringing home the bacon, but I have learned over the years, just how hard a mother really works. Dads don't ever try to compare yourself with a working mother! Trust me! I have a few scars from this silly notion! :)
Many moms work a full time job and then come home to again work their tails off, taking care of the children and their husbands. Cooking , cleaning, up all night with sick kids, changing diapers, grocery shopping, tending a calendar full of school activities, washing cloths..and hubby's cloths as well!.....and the list goes on and on!
Now I don;t want to rob the modern husband here! (Yes, I'm from the old school!) There are an awful lot of stay home dad's playing Mr. Mom these days, and they need to be commended as well, and many do a very fine job of it. Quite a role reversal isn't it!
Now we also have single parents too!..... and of both genders! We certainly can't leave them out. This is one of the most difficult jobs on earth as far as I'm concerned.
Here is the deal though for you Flower123!....you have a husband, and I'm assuming he is a great guy as you stated he wants children as well. In my book we call that a team! A marriage should be a team, acting as one entity.
One thing I have learned over the years is that a marriage is not always a 50/50 proposition. There are days that one or the other spouse can give 30% and then other days 80%. Marriage is rarely a 50/50 effort for each other.
One thing to bare in mind as your health worsens, your husband may find himself giving quite a bit more than 50% most of the time. It's possible, but not a given, and as I said before a mother will muster up a lot of strength when concerning her children. Dani made this point, and we all know she has very serious health conditions.
Out of curiosity, I asked my wife, to get her view on this ever so important question of yours. Her answer was similar to Dani's in that you have to find the strength and somehow you will in most cases. My wife did bring one thing up that I over looked though, in that....when we are in pain we can become pretty cranky...not only with our spouses, but with our children as well. Her quote is "Its hard to be Happy when your Hurting" I guess it would be well worth taking a peek at our demeanor when we are in a lot of pain. This can effect your children greatly and might affect several aspects of their lives. (Schooling) If this is the case, then I would suggest addressing this issue.
Flower123, I sure hope you you have found some useful answers here in all of our reply's, and I know how important this is for you. We wish the very best for you, and I'm confident you will succeed just fine. Just keep in mind that everyone is different and we cannot really determine what is right for you and your husband. All we can do is support and share our experiences.
Here is one last little thought for the both of you.... "We do not make life! It is a gift" ....receive it with great appreciation...nurture, protect and and above all.... "Love what is given to you!"
Good luck and bless you both!
Note: I will certainly see to it that Catz4 gets your message! Thank you!
"The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 4/17/2011 10:12:12 AM (GMT-6)