I got my date for my SCS surgery last week; Wednesday, May 11th. This friday I will get all the nitty gritty details of where and when, what I must do before hand, what I can't do the night before. Aside from my surgeon my fantastic pain management doc will be there, as well as my sweet rep. At least this time I'll get to be out for the procedure, given they're taking off part of a vertibrae as well as everything else.
I've hit excited and scared as I try to wrap things up. I have three projects I want finished and out the door before the date but I fear I have lost motivation to work on them. The summer heat is coming and it not only saps my energy, but it causes my CRPS to flare to levels that make me question if I've taken my pain meds or not given they don't seem to help.
My pain was pretty bad over the weekend, back up to an 8/9 which forced me to spend most of it on the couch. I've been trying to stay positive and distracted from my pain by helping my friend with all her critters, but I fear my silence here is a reflection of the depression and pain I'm battling; it all seems so hopeless. Tears in my eyes on a regular basis. I keep hoping it's just my body getting used to my anti-depressants I started taking last week, but if not. I'm sure it doesn't help that tomorrow is my birthday, a day I have come to dispise. Plus of course the degenerative status of my relationship. When it rains it pours.
I know I have no reason to whine and complain, there are so many here who battle with worse issues then I do. I just feel overwhelmed and can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. My life has settled back into a predictible rythem and though it's comforting in that regard I feel as far as life is concerned I am just going through the motions.
Gah, I read this and realize I should not submit it. I do not want to overly worry anyone here, yet I know I need to vent how I feel instead of bottling it up. So please, do not worry about me.
Originally injured 10/26/2007 - Initial diagnosis; Tendonitis
Have seen several specialists; Bone, Muscle, Hand, Neurologist, Chriopractor, Physical Therapist...
Went through a battery of tests, multiple MRI's
11/16/09 finally diagnosed CRPS - Stage 2
Permanently disabled, on Oxycodone and Celexa.
February 2011 successful SCSU trial
May 2011 SCSU implant surgery