I feel how overwhelmed you are - and I'm there w/ ya on many days. I don't have all the answers, by any means.
I grew up in a neurotically-clean, perfectionist household. I have been an "over-achiever" all of my life....until I got sick. This is still my biggest internal battle. I try to change the thoughts in my mind.... For instance, yesterday - I had a small amount of energy. It was take the kids to the park or do some things that really needed to get done. A few years back - we wouldn't have gone unless I got my stuff done. Now - I have to make choices - and really? What are the kids going to remember?? The chores I did - or that I did something w/ them? (Probably neither :) - but I digress!)... Anyway, to the park we went. I sat w/ the babies and the kiddos played.
But life does go on and things do need to get done. I do things when I feel my "best".... which is usually late into the night. Mornings are my worst. For every good day I have (yesterday), I have a "bad" day like today...where I'm just surviving here, still in my PJ's. But I still try to throw in a load of laundry, etc etc.
I do make my kids do things. They have to - or we'd be in a HUGE mess. One - they need to learn for their own life/future. Next, they need to learn that when there are family issues - ie, mom has health issues - you gotta help out. We have lots of people here, so the load IS shared among lots of people. But I still get the grumbling, moan and groans, etc. But they still gotta do things. Clean their room, sweep floors, vacuum, windex mirrors/doors, bring down laundry, etc.
Things are still - by no means - how I used to live. I want to say - "and that's ok".... but those inner thoughts are still there. When my parents come over - I still cringe. I don't know if that will ever change :) But they raised one child. I have eight. I have a chronic illness. And really? I don't want to instill any sort of "have to be perfect" in my kids. We should strive to be/do our best....but perfection is unattainable. Trust me - I wasted too many years trying to make things look a certain way, and feeling like I was failing....
Oh, one thing we also do is have someone come in 1x per month for deep, deep cleaning - things I just can't do w/ my heart issues. She is here for several hours and it costs about $75 to $100, depending on our needs. I know some can't do this..... really, we can't technically afford it either w/ a family of 10.... but we pull back in other areas.
There are others here who will probably have more concrete ideas. I have 1000 other thoughts, too, but I gotta run for now. But I just don't want you to feel so hard on yourself. Do the best you can....that's really all you can do. That's all any of us can do, right?
Take good care. --Tina
Many, many health and pain issues.
Many meds - including Atenolol, Effexor, MS Contin, Dilaudid, Actiq (oral Fentanyl), Soma, Vitamin D, Iron (for anemia), Synthroid...and on the list goes.
Personal: I'm a Christian wife and mother; I have six sons and identical twin daughters.