Reading some of the posts on this site really makes me feel better. For the first time I feel as if I am not the only one dealing with chronic pain all day everyday. Consuming and completely taking over my life. I have tried every type of pain medication in the book. I can not seem to find ANYTHING that can releive my pain. I was born with Arnold chiari malformation and as a little girl 8,9,10 I would go to the ER with severe migraines and I am a tiny girl now at the age of 30 (5'7 and 102 lbs) but when I was young in the ER they would give me Demerol and it wouldn't work I was still in pain.
The doctors were amazed. They were giving me enough to kill a baby horse and I was getting no pain relief. I had surgery to correct my malformation in 1999. After I had occasional migraines but not as bad and I was no longer visiting the ER 5x a week. At 19 I was finally able to start living my life. Then 8 years ago I got diagnosed with lupus. I had to take so much oral steroids for about a year because my first flare up when diagnosed was so bad. I developed severe osteoprosis and while trying to lift my mattress my back snapped.
I fell to the floor couldn't move my legs or arms I thought I was paralyzed. The pop/crack I heard was so loud I though my friend sitting pretty close to me at the time could hear it, but she couldn't. After about 5 min a was able to slowly get up. I fractured L-4 and L-5. I wore a back brace for 9 months. Surgery was not an option because my bones were so weak doctor said I had the bones of an 85 year old lady. Since that day my life has never been the same.
I was prescribed vicodin and I could take 30 with no effect. I had genetic testing done because pain medications were not working and doctors treated me like a drug addict. He refused to change my medication to anything higher than the vicodin. Come to find out the CYP2D6 pathway which is the path that almost all pain medications use to be effective I was given the metabolizing trait from only 1 of my parents. So I have half the receptors needed for pain medications to attach to for pain releif.
With such a small amount of receptors by the time the drug gets in my system and finds the few receptors I have and attach to block my pain the drug has already gone through my system. There are a couple other pathways I have issues with that my genetic testing showed. I can take 15 pain killers doesnt matter which one, 5 ambien, 5 Valium, 2 trazadone, 6 soma all at one time and not sleep or get pain relief. I have tried fentynal patches nothing, morphine, all the oxys, the codones, morphones, and I get little relief. I don't know what to do anymore.
My pain management dr tells me I shouldn't work. I can't do that. I have been going to school for my P.A for the last 6 years part time. There are some days I feel as if I can't go on anymore like this. I am just about to turn 30. I can't live the rest of my life like this. I have goals and dreams. I work 40 hours a week and go to school part time and I cry everyday. So far methadone I think has worked the best for me to give me toterable relief.
I am on morphine too I take 3 times a day for breakthrough pain. I feel like I have to switch my medications every month because the first 2-3 days once switching up my medications is the only time I really seem to get any type of descent releif. My pain man dr says that there's no way my body can get used to these medications and start to become ineffective. I know that can not be true ??? Isn't that what tolerance is?? I want every physician that has treated me like I am a drug addict there seeking drugs to spend a day in my body. I want to see them cry like little babies. I don't know what to do anymore. I refuse to give up my life, my future, my dreams. I just don't know seriously how much longer I can take this!!!
I have thought about suicide more times then I can count. With my lupus I am sooo tired I hurt everywhere and my spine feels like it's only an inch tall. I have shrunk in my height by 5 inches and I feel like I am unable to hold my body up. Anyone have any suggestions? Words of inspiration, hope, encouragement? I need something to help me continue to try to make it through each day. I think I need to change my morphine Immediate release for my breakthrough pain to something else to take in between my methadone.
I used the fentynal patch for about a month I was given 25 mcg. At one point I had 5 patches on and was still hurting. If I cut open the patches and eat the gel inside I would get some releif. I've tried opana did nothing. You name it I have tried it. But never have done illegal street drugs. Hope you guys can be that support I need. People just like me going through what I am going through.
I know I wrote a lot I have been dealing with this for way too long. Dr wants me to quit my job and school because he doesn't want to up my dosages. I will not live the rest of my life in a small apartment laying on a couch all day living off disability!! I REFUSE!!!
Please take note:(edited for eaiser reading) Thanks! SE
Post Edited By Moderator (Screaming Eagle) : 6/1/2011 7:36:48 AM (GMT-6)