I'm up to my old trick again...."Awake in the middle of the night"
You and I have had several discussions on this topic before, and I know that your still struggling with this family issue. It will be a slow process, but then again, one of these days a little light may click on, and you will see and understand the help and tools we have been offering here.
As I have said before, life is about
relationships.... and how we react them. A person would like to think or at least believe that we are worthy of acceptance in some form or fashion, and the ultimate goal is to feel loved. The bitter truth is,... that,... will always be a struggle, because everyones values are different. CP.... certainly, can bring about
, what may seem to be a disadvantage, but there are many other factors to be considered here as well.
As I read through several of your post...and I truly see a cycle going on here!.....you are in bondage! You will never be free of that, until you decide you have had enough. It is one thing to say you have separated yourself from your family...but your mind is still wrapped in the chains of guilt and really...a sort of fear. Yes, we can add words like "Disappointment", "Anger"...and so on...but I really suspect "guilt" and "fear" are your mental enemies, at this point...because of the relationship to your mother. I have no doubt here, that your mother has gone way beyond her parental duty...(what ever that is)...and is really,..... and has become, a very controlling... self convicting, self righteous spirit if you will.
It is one thing to encounter a member of society like this, but it is so much easier to deal with them on an emotional level, than it is with a family member.
I also wanted to say that I have seen adult children spend a life time seeking approval from a parent, and never getting it in the end. Don't waste your time, or your families time doing this! I have actually witnessed cases where a parent passed before a child was released from this type of abuse, and sometimes, even then, they still suffered some sort of trauma from it. As long as you are stuck in this rut...they have control over you. You are sick...and don't need to add this problem to the mix. In many ways, it can be physically unhealthy for you as well. I personally have zero tolerance for anyone who belittles or berates a physically sick person.
Mindy, your mother going behind your back and bad mouthing you to your children, would be the last straw for most people. What kind of person would do something like that! I certainly would not take kindly to it, and again....I myself would end the relationship right then and there. Period! It speaks reams of her character! That type of person is mean spirited to the very core! You cannot change people either...you can hope all you want, but it is a choice they will have to make...you cannot force it.
Mindy you are on your own, and an adult. You have the privilege, and right to make up your own mind, and live life the way you want to. Here is one last little quote for you
Eleanor Roosevelt's famous self-esteem quote: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Take care, always a pleasure to visit with you! Bless you!...Bless you!
Hope you get to feeling better!
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum
"Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look at what they can do when they stick together"
Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 6/22/2011 3:28:42 AM (GMT-6)