close to breaking point :(

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 6/23/2011 10:12 AM (GMT -6)   
sorry to complain!

i just don't know what to do, i'm probably just having a bad night! i've had 8 hours sleep over the last 5 nights so pretty tired been to school everyday aswell for 2 hours a day so i am ready to pass out but i still can't sleep!

everything just seems to hard, the pain makes me so dazed and out of it yet i stilll have to sit in class otherwise i get frustrated at home and i just feel i have to do everything normally when i am not capable of it but it's not possible to stop because when i do i completely break down :(

it just doesnt seem fair i am sick of feeling like this! and everything is too much!

sorry to complain so much just need to get it out

Betsey Ross
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1056
   Posted 6/23/2011 10:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh My Dear Little Buttercup

If I was close to you I would drive over and give you a wonderful soft hug. Oh honey, I am so sorry you are having a rough time. Can you talk to a guidance counsler at your school?

Are your parents aware of your feelings and that your not sleeping.? i am worried about you, my little sweetpea,, that if you arent getting enough sleep you will really get more ill, I dont want that to happen to you.

Your health is very important, and maybe you should cut back on schooling until you gain more strength.

I think about you often, and I am still praying for you.

crushed lower knee and vertical fx of yibia/external fixator placed/plates and screws and tried to place big pieces of cartiledge under knee cap/tremendous pain in affected legcontinously without improving/allergic to metal in left leg/leg isnt straight/need metal removed in July/wait 6 months for healing/then toatal knee replacement/straighten out leg/more phsyxical therapy/take opana er

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 6/23/2011 11:26 AM (GMT -6)   
I so understand how you feel and I've been there.

Just keep telling yourself you can only do what you can do. Your health is #1 and like Betsey said, maybe you could consider cutting back on school for a little while? I know it's not what you want to do..but sometimes the body needs to rest and be at a lower stress level for awhile.

Have you talked to your doctor about your sleeping issues and asked for something to help you sleep? I know it's not ideal..but if you are in pain and hurting, sleep can be next to impossible!! And of course, it's one of the most important get some rest when you are in pain.

And definately talk to a counselor or someone trained in chronic pain issues. Sometimes just talking to someone and bawling your eyes out if you need to helps relieve some of the stress so you can go on again.

I hope you feel better soon..

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 856
   Posted 6/23/2011 11:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Buttercup, don't ever feel like you are complaining. I'm so sorry that you are going through so much. Like Betsey and Jess there any possible way that you could cut down on school? It sounds like maybe your body is telling you to rest.

Thinking of you, and I hope that you get some deserved relief soon.

Lots of hugs,


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 6/23/2011 11:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry to hear you are having some tough days/nights...

Is your Oncologist handling all your pain issues right now? Or do you see a Pain Mgmt. well?...

I would think either one of them (or both) would be helping make sure your pain levels are low to let you heal from the last Chemotherapy welll as make sure you are getting good sleep...

I certainly recommend calling your main Dr. today to tell them of your issues about pain and lack of sleep and ask what they can do to help...If you can't get help by phone, then make an emergency appt. with them to discuss this...Your parents should be able to do this for you...

As you's imperative that you not be in both emotional or physical stress during and in between your cancer treatments...As well as getting good sleep is crucial...
I agree with others that you may just have to cut back on school right now as your health is more important than anything else...if it takes you longer to get through some classes...then so be need to take care of yourself...

I am praying for you and let us know what the Dr. says...

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 636
   Posted 6/23/2011 12:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Please Buttercup think about what we talked about yesterday. I know you value the socialization end of going to school, but you may need the homebound instruction to get you past the rough patches.

During homebound instruction the teachers condense material and just give you the bare bones of what you need. Frequently they will only come a couple hours a few days a week, and it counts as full time. The dr must prescribe this. Forgive me if it's totally different in AU.

Maybe your friends could make study dates with you too so you don't feel left out. Going to school is more tring than just sitting in class. Getting up when you have only slept a couple hours, getting presentable, packing things up, carrying your books, walking the halls. It is exhausting.

I admire you tremendously for keeping at it but maybe it's time to relax and have them come to you. My daughter was homebound and she had her instruction in her hospital bed for 3 months. I just made sure her meds allowed her to be awake during those times. We had the teacher come 3 days a week for 2 hours in the afternoon. She stayedin her jammies all day when she needed too. She did have minimal homework as well. Nothing like the regular expectations of the other students though.

I know you can do it! You are one tough cookie!!

Big hugs, Shell
DX: CRPS/RSD full body, Fibro, CP, DDD, DJD, OSA, Syringomyelia, Arachnoiditis, failed fusion non union with hardware issues. Fusions C5-6, L5-S1. SCS trial successful awaiting placement after fusion revison 6/11.
MEDS:Fentanyl Patch 25 & 12.5 mcg, Fentora 100mcg, Oxyfast 10mg, Morphine Sulfate 15mg, AtacandHCT32/12.5mg, Clonidine, Zofran.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 6/23/2011 1:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Please forgive me for asking *repeat* questions... but my memory is shot! 
You are 15, is that correct?  Actually, I'm sorry - you had a 16th b-day, didn't you?  What grade are you in?  I just don't remember the whole back story.  Please don't take it personally.... sometimes, I can hardly keep up with my own family :)
Weren't you just in a coma, at least an induced coma, just a short time ago?? 
While I admire your ambition, I just don't see how it's possible for you to be doing the things you are doing.  With all your health issues - have you considered home instruction?  I homeschool my oldest four kids - grades 11, 10, 7 and 6.  It's tough.... but it's the best thing for them.  They love it, in fact.  There's great flexibility.... they get plenty of socialization - in fact, right now, I think they are involved in TOO many things.  But I would definitely go this route if any of them were suffering health issues... we do it now because we want to raise the kids in our faith, with our morals and values - and that's hard to do when the kids are gone 8+ hours per day. 
It's a MAJOR challenge w/ all my health issues....but it's something that we deem of utmost importance - so - somehow, we make it work.
I've been reading some of your posts... and I have a 16 and 15 year old who are actually quite mature.  You have an incredibly deep maturity about you.... are you sure you are only 16?? (Just kidding!).  I was reading your response to Monty's Mom (Mindy) - and it sounds like it was written by someone w/ vast life experience. 
Anyway, I'd really think of putting your health first.... even school - which I know is important - will be there.... but you need to concentrate on keeping your health strong and so forth.
I wish you nothing but good luck w/ all you've got going.  Hang in there.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2265
   Posted 6/23/2011 11:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Buttercup I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time. (((((((((hugs))))))) I agree that your body is telling you to rest. You really should give homeschooling a serious thought. Sweetheart, you've been thru so much with going thru the chemo and having the chronic pain, not to mention the coma that you were in a few days ago. You really need to make your health number one.

Your parents should know how you're feeling so that you can get help to get some sleep. It's not good for you to go without sleep. I know I'm repeating the others, but we're all concerned about you. We all care.

Please consider what we all are saying. I know it would be hard for someone your age to not have the socialization that school gives, but you're not in good health. Like someone said, maybe your friends could come over and spend time with you doing homework and other things like watching movies, etc.

There's no need for you to apologize for complaining. Lord knows we all go thru chronic pain everyday, and we all understand. That's what we are here for, to listen, give advise, give hugs, etc.

Well, I guess you've got enough to think about. I hope you are having a low pain night and are getting some good sleep.

love and very soft hugs
Dx: osteoarthritis, bursitis in left hip, Osteoarthrits in right hip, compression fracture in thoracic spine due to falling on frozen ground March 2001 , ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, osteoarthritis in spine, osteoarthritis in both knees
Meds: Fentanyl patch, oxycodone, otc: BenGay, Tylenol Arthritis on occasion

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 6/24/2011 10:47 AM (GMT -6)   
with all that you've been thru, you do need a good nights rest, can you take melatonin???
maybe tell your mom your not sleeping good...maybe time to go and see your doctor.
I'm so worried about you hun, you do need your sleep to fully recover, try getting
a good nights rest...Prayers and well wishes to you...the others said things a whole lot better
than me, but I am concerned about you...more well wishes to you...
keep us posted when you can...
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 6/25/2011 1:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for all your replies, it honestly means so so much to have you all here for me!

I think the treatment for the infections I have is wearing me out even more and just making me feel so down!

Mum spoke to all my teachers the other day and they were all SO good about it and said don't worry about work my grades are strong enough not to do any for as long as i need to take, so thats less stress.

I'm gonna still keep going to school but only for as long as i can and i'll try not to push myself as much, the school psych called me in on friday and said she was gonna also call all my teachers to make sure i'm only doing the bare minimum and only essential assessments.

i have a teacher at school who is so so amazing and good to talk to and has been so helpful with everything and shes very young so easy to talk to and yeah shes just been good helping me through it and said not to worry about school.

Again thankyou all xoxoxox
15 years old,
Chronic stomach pain with no diagnosis yet and lots of other things.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
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