My pity party for today:(

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Snowbunny21
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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 7/1/2011 1:56 PM (GMT -6)   
It just hit me like a ton of bricks today as I was driving to the Pharmacy to pick up my medicine...
 
Here it is, a holiday weekend, I was seeing my neighbors packing their car for a fun road trip with bikes, coolers, beach chairs....I was noticing all the people driving around getting last minute things done...And then all the people at Sam's club buying their holiday bbq foods and drinks...as well as seeing all my friends FB statuses about their fun plans for the weekend. (not that they don't invite me...just not able to go)
 
I also was listening to 80's/90's music in the car on the 20 minute drive there and that is when I look back and think of 'in my prime'...From after high school through age 30...before any real huge pain issues started to change my entire life...
 
So it was a Van Morrison song that set me over the edge with all these memories that came flooding back...
 
Thinking of all those holiday weekends through the years where it was me feeling great, no pain, lots of energy, tan, healthy, planning my own road trip to go camping or to the beach with friends or a boyfriend...How exciting it was to just have no money worries back then with working at a good job, looking forward to a 3 day weekend knowing I would have so much fun and feeling that giddiness of 'the world is my oyster' type feeling...
 
And then here I am right now...still young at 42, but my body feeling older...driving to go get my medicine, no big plans for the weekend as I certainly don't have any extra money to get away, and it will pretty much be like most other weekends with nothing too exciting...
 
So...I waited until after I got my medicine and was driving back home as I didn't want my face and eyes all puffy after crying walking around the store! LOL....And I don't want my mom to see me so upset at the house....So I had myself a very good 20 minute cry on the way home...Mourning the loss of my 'old self'....wallowing in my own self pity....going through the mad/sad emotions..
 
Then when I sat in the car for a few minutes and got myself together...Knowing that God still has big plans for me....that I'm thankful for a roof over my head, food in my fridge, my wonderful family and friends whom I love and love me back....and that it could always be worse!..LOL..
 
Thanks for letting me share my 'woe unto me' story...I try to only have these every so often to not sit in sadness...as I truly feel blessed in my life..but ya just have to let out those tears at times...
 
I believe in the saying of being never able to appreciate the beauty of the Rainbow without the rain..
 
So...anybody else want to share a pity party moment or a story of picking yourself up and dusting yourself off?
 
This can be the catharsis thread!
 
Hugs to my HW peeps:)

Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 7/1/2011 2:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Well my "big" holiday plan involves taking my 5 year old out to the county airport Monday night to watch the fireworks.

When my oldest was 5 (he just turned 21) the 4th involved going to the beach in the late morning/early afternoon for a few hours, and then driving into town to the park and having a nice picnic lunch/dinner followed by riding the carnival rides until almost dark and then watching the fireworks and then stopping on the way home for an ice cream cone.

Now just going to the fireworks is about all I can manage.

I am the same age you are Snowbunny...well slightly younger...won't be 42 until Nov, but as Indiana Jones said it aint the years, its the mileage.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

straydog
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Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16787
   Posted 7/1/2011 2:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Snowbunny, I am right there with you. Oh, how we planned these long weekend getaways, but for us this weekend meant the big vacation we had been waiting for. Husband always took this time off for two weeks and I did the same. We took off with a group of friends in rv's and went down the road looking like a band of gypsies, lol. I ran across some of the pics from a couple of those vacations not long ago and it was shocking at how much we have aged. It is getting harder to sit around on each of the holidays I know that. On the other hand, I am very grateful for the memories too, those were some wonderful times in our life.

I don't mind getting older a bit, I just wish my body was a little more cooperative. I am not sure what will happen over this long weekend. My son is working out of town now for the summer so he will be in this weekend and I want to spend some time with him.

Perhaps some wine and cheese is in order for us Snowbunny.
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Snowbunny21
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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 7/1/2011 2:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for sharing Jim...I hope I don't bring others down by this thread as that's not my intention...I really do try to stay as positive as I can most days...it just hits you from time to time and out of the blue...that's why I wanted to end it on a good note:)

I'm sure your 5yr old will love just spending time with Daddy!...That's what really matters.....and I'm sure your older one thinks back fondly with those memories too...

My doggy will be curled up on my lap...all 75 pounds of him...LOL...for the Fireworks on Monday as he just hates the noise..it scares him poor thing...:(..But I'll be able to see them from my house where they light them from a Government Center nearby...I love how they can make so many shapes these days...

Glad you also have your bump in pain meds to help out this weekend too!..
SB and "the pup who snores loudly" 
 
ACDF C5-C7, (no hardware), with autograft bone Nov. 2001
(reabsorption of bone 2 years later...still lost in body..expect to burp it out at anytime..haha")) 
ACDF with hardware, allograft bone Nov. 2005 
Anterior and Posterior CDF, allograft bone with BMP, removal of old hardware, use of titanium plates, rods, screws, & kitchen sink (lol) Oct 2006
 
 

Angeleyes13
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 636
   Posted 7/1/2011 2:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Dont think there is much more I can add to your post Snowbunny, well said. That was my car ride yesterday exactly. 36 years old, no parties, no games, no diving in the pool, no nature walks, but i do know when all my meds are scheduled. If i didnt see facebook or supplies at Walmart i would never know its a holiday. Just another day
DX: CRPS/RSD full body, Fibro, CP, DDD, DJD, OSA, Syringomyelia, Arachnoiditis, failed fusion. Fusions C5-6, L5-S1, hardware removal and removal of scar tissue. SCS trial successful awaiting placement.
MEDS:To many to mention, changes every week it seems.

Snowbunny21
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 7/1/2011 2:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Awww...sorry you had the same kind of day Shell:(...Now I'm starting to feel bad that I posted as I don't want to be a Debbie Downer for everyone...

I really hope that your PM Dr. will help you out since the OS is moving on...I know it's been a tough road for you recovering from surgery...

I don't know about others...but for me, I can actually feel a bit better emotionally after I get out my pity party once in awhile....as I mentioned...it's cathartic to cry when I need....and then I feel it's out of my system for the next month or so...LOL...

That just means I need to find some things to make me laugh and smile this weekend and seek out different ways to find joy in my life compared to the ways I did when I was healthier/pain free...

I hope you can do the same and that this weekend is better than your yesterday!..

Sending hugs (( ))
SB and "the pup who snores loudly" 
 
ACDF C5-C7, (no hardware), with autograft bone Nov. 2001
(reabsorption of bone 2 years later...still lost in body..expect to burp it out at anytime..haha")) 
ACDF with hardware, allograft bone Nov. 2005 
Anterior and Posterior CDF, allograft bone with BMP, removal of old hardware, use of titanium plates, rods, screws, & kitchen sink (lol) Oct 2006
 
 

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16787
   Posted 7/1/2011 2:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Snowbunny, pity parties are good for the soul as long as we don't let them lag on for days at a time. Usually once I get mine out there, then I am ok, lol. We always use to say here at the forum we always wanted to be invited to any and all of them, misery loves company you know, at least that is what they say.

No, you are not Debbie Downer either, lol
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Snowbunny21
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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 7/1/2011 3:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Straydog:)...I agree that I feel better once it's over...and yes...I am a pretty darn positive person most of the time...but living with CP gets to all of us and we can have these type of days...and if we pretend or stuff that emotion down...it will come popping up in other ways...

The Debbie Downer skit from SNL always makes me laugh!!

So...at least this thread can be the big 4th of July Pity Party:)

I just wanted to end things on a good note though as I truly am glad I did that this morning and got it out so I can try to enjoy the rest of the weekend...

Hope you have a low pain holiday Straydog and enjoy some yummy summertime food...I'm craving corn on the cob!
SB and "the pup who snores loudly" 
 
ACDF C5-C7, (no hardware), with autograft bone Nov. 2001
(reabsorption of bone 2 years later...still lost in body..expect to burp it out at anytime..haha")) 
ACDF with hardware, allograft bone Nov. 2005 
Anterior and Posterior CDF, allograft bone with BMP, removal of old hardware, use of titanium plates, rods, screws, & kitchen sink (lol) Oct 2006
 
 

Angeleyes13
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 636
   Posted 7/1/2011 3:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Now I am really having a bad day because someone took my frozen twix bar out of the freezer that I have been saving for a treat. I am good at controlling my emotional eating and abstained yesterday. I am feeling much better today after crying a river yesterday, but if i find out who took it i am gonna let them have it for ruining my afternoon, lol.
DX: CRPS/RSD full body, Fibro, CP, DDD, DJD, OSA, Syringomyelia, Arachnoiditis, failed fusion. Fusions C5-6, L5-S1, hardware removal and removal of scar tissue. SCS trial successful awaiting placement.
MEDS:To many to mention, changes every week it seems.

Snowbunny21
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 7/1/2011 4:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh boy...I feel sorry for the person who stole your TWIX!!! LOL...I do that with a mounds bar once in awhile with putting in the freezer..

Speaking of yummy treats...I just had my favorite sandwich of toasted whole wheat, lean roast beef, provolone cheese, chipotle mayonnaise, lettuce and sliced avocado.....pefection:)

Hope they can go get you another one to have this weekend!
SB and "the pup who snores loudly" 
 
ACDF C5-C7, (no hardware), with autograft bone Nov. 2001
(reabsorption of bone 2 years later...still lost in body..expect to burp it out at anytime..haha")) 
ACDF with hardware, allograft bone Nov. 2005 
Anterior and Posterior CDF, allograft bone with BMP, removal of old hardware, use of titanium plates, rods, screws, & kitchen sink (lol) Oct 2006
 
 

Angeleyes13
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 636
   Posted 7/1/2011 4:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Snowbunny21 said...

Speaking of yummy treats...I just had my favorite sandwich of toasted whole wheat, lean roast beef, provolone cheese, chipotle mayonnaise, lettuce and sliced avocado.....pefection:)

Hope they can go get you another one to have this weekend!


Now that sandwich sounds much, much yummier than my Twix,lol. Wow, now i am hungry! I have some thin sliced dark rye out there that would make that perfect for my taste!

I bet hubby is going to put hot dogs on the grill and make macaronni and cheese. I just remind myself that at least he is cooking,lol! I cant wait to get back out to the grocery store and do the shopping!
DX: CRPS/RSD full body, Fibro, CP, DDD, DJD, OSA, Syringomyelia, Arachnoiditis, failed fusion. Fusions C5-6, L5-S1, hardware removal and removal of scar tissue. SCS trial successful awaiting placement.
MEDS:To many to mention, changes every week it seems.

Snowbunny21
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 7/1/2011 4:15 PM (GMT -6)   
The Rye sounds good too!!...And mac and cheese....one of my favorites!!!!

But I understand what you are saying that you want to get back out and pick the things that you want to cook...

The last man I dated used to be a chef....so I got to eat some amazing meals:)
SB and "the pup who snores loudly" 
 
ACDF C5-C7, (no hardware), with autograft bone Nov. 2001
(reabsorption of bone 2 years later...still lost in body..expect to burp it out at anytime..haha")) 
ACDF with hardware, allograft bone Nov. 2005 
Anterior and Posterior CDF, allograft bone with BMP, removal of old hardware, use of titanium plates, rods, screws, & kitchen sink (lol) Oct 2006
 
 

momtofourangels
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2265
   Posted 7/1/2011 9:05 PM (GMT -6)   
I have pity parties about once every month too. Maybe I should put them on here and get them out there and then I will feel better.

For once in a long time, Jerome and I are having some fun on the 4th. We're going to the waterfront in Buffalo (just next door to us) They are having a free live concert, fireworks, and I don't know what else. I have my wheelchair, so I won't have to walk, and make sure I have everything I need.

It's been quite a few years since we have went out for a holiday. We always stay home because we have no family here and only one friend that keeps in touch.

I hope you get some of that corn on the cob Snowbunny. It's always the best when you're craving it yum.

I hope everyone has a good 4th no matter what you are doing.

love and hugs
Loretta
Dx: osteoarthritis, bursitis in left hip, Osteoarthrits in right hip, compression fracture in thoracic spine due to falling on frozen ground March 2001 , ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, osteoarthritis in spine, osteoarthritis in both knees
Meds: Fentanyl patch, oxycodone, otc: BenGay, Tylenol Arthritis on occasion

Snowbunny21
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 7/1/2011 9:34 PM (GMT -6)   
I just read your other post and SO happy you have your medicine!! And thanks for sharing your pity party schedule...LOL...I think we should have a monthly pity party on here for us to get it all out...

I am happy to see that you all have some fun plans for the 4th...It sounds like a very nice afternoon/evening...and it's good you have the wheelchair to use to stay comfortable...

Sending you some hugs (( ))
SB and "the pup who snores loudly" 
 
ACDF C5-C7, (no hardware), with autograft bone Nov. 2001
(reabsorption of bone 2 years later...still lost in body..expect to burp it out at anytime..haha")) 
ACDF with hardware, allograft bone Nov. 2005 
Anterior and Posterior CDF, allograft bone with BMP, removal of old hardware, use of titanium plates, rods, screws, & kitchen sink (lol) Oct 2006
 
 

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 7/1/2011 10:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Dani used to host a weekly vent thread where we would get off our chests whatever had been bothering us. I think she had it on Monday's along with the weekly check in thread.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

luckyflowers
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 7/2/2011 6:41 PM (GMT -6)   
WOW, SB you picked a perfect day for this party. I just got done sending an email to a friend crying my eyes out. I am 43 and I have gone from going out any where from once to twice a week dancing and having a few beers to being home alone (kids here of course) just a bunch of nothing in my life! I really have only had my diagnosis and chronic pain for less than a year. So its still some what new for me. I had pain before but on and off.

Anyhow, I have even deactivated my FB account, and I was addicted to that. I have no need for any of it. I just came out of two bad relationships and also suffer from the pain of a broken heart, not just once, but twice. Now I'm just rambling but ya, doing nothing for the holiday, could careless.
Dx: Herniated disk in my neck C6-C7, Degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my neck, sciatica, RLS, migraines and post-op RNY gastric by pass and depression.

Meds: Oxy, Nucynta, percocet, norco, xanax(as needed), sinement, topamax, imitrex, and paxil

Personal: Single mom 43yrs old to three children- two girls 6 and 13 and my son 16yrs old. I work fulltime.

Angeleyes13
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 636
   Posted 7/3/2011 2:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Snowbunny21 said...
The Rye sounds good too!!...And mac and cheese....one of my favorites!!!!

But I understand what you are saying that you want to get back out and pick the things that you want to cook...

The last man I dated used to be a chef....so I got to eat some amazing meals:)


Oh my that must have been nice! My hubby is a good cook, but right now he is stuck with simple things since he is covering everything, cleaning,kids, cooking, work. I like mac and cheese, but i think hes making it 3nights a week!

I need propane too, need to get the grill going! At the grocery store they wont load it for you, so i have been out for 3 weeks, hubby keeps foregtting it,lol.
DX: CRPS/RSD full body, Fibro, CP, DDD, DJD, OSA, Syringomyelia, Arachnoiditis, failed fusion. Fusions C5-6, L5-S1, hardware removal and removal of scar tissue. SCS trial successful awaiting placement.
MEDS:To many to mention, changes every week it seems.

tmjpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2024
   Posted 7/3/2011 3:00 PM (GMT -6)   

Aww Snowbunny, i hear you girl. I have been there many times, many tears, wondering where has my life gone to. Hubby took me camping this past week, but i have so little energy or increased workload makes my headache worse so he does everything mostly. I use to talk the tent trailer and go camping by myself, set up the whole thing and enjoy some relaxation when he could not come. Who am I now? Why, why me, why suffer so long, why can't one medication work, will this end or this is the way it will be. Thank goodness for my hubby as he is my rock and my salvation. Snowbunny, do you live at home, do you have children, hubby etc. I bet your mom helps you get thru things everyday right. I just had my mom come stay with me for a week because my depression was so bad. Moms make everything better.

Hang in there girl. We will all support each other and somehow we will get thru each day.

Hugs

Suzane


Snowbunny21
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 7/4/2011 6:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Suzane for your sweet words!....I am divorced for about 5 years now...and just ended a 6 month relationship with a wonderful man...thankfully we ended amicably and we are still great friends...

I wasn't blessed to have children of my own because of health issues...but I have man nieces/nephews and great nieces/nephews and 'kids'..(all grown up now)...that I love and spend time with from my church youth group that I helped lead..

I am very close to my mom and I moved back home late last year to help take care of her as well as figure out my financial situation in regards to work or disability...

I love camping too!! I totally empathize with going by yourself and being independent that way...I'm glad your hubby looks after you and you can at least enjoy some time together doing that even though it's different than before...

Thanks again for your post!...

Pebbles....I'm so sorry you are having a really tough day...I understand what you mean about just 'leaning' into it...and letting yourself have a bad day....

Just PLEASE don't let that depression get too far that you would even think one second of harming yourself...I pray that it isn't that bad for you and you would call for help immediately if so.....We are always here for you...and we know what it's like to live each day in pain...

I hope that you can either call some friends to come over to spend some time...or if you are in the mood to just put on some jammies and cuddle up in bed with a good book or movie on tv...

I am sending you some BIG hugs (( ))
SB and "the pup who snores loudly" 
 
ACDF C5-C7, (no hardware), with autograft bone Nov. 2001
(reabsorption of bone 2 years later...still lost in body..expect to burp it out at anytime..haha")) 
ACDF with hardware, allograft bone Nov. 2005 
Anterior and Posterior CDF, allograft bone with BMP, removal of old hardware, use of titanium plates, rods, screws, & kitchen sink (lol) Oct 2006
 
 

sore42long
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 235
   Posted 7/4/2011 8:36 PM (GMT -6)   
hope your feeling better sb also paula,you both been great sorce of help and encouragement to me ,so stay strong !growing older is hard enough to face without the pain and all .One way I keep myself from getting down ,is realizing everyone goes thur good and bad and my turn will come around again ,but for now the number 1 thing is looking after myself now ,so I am at some point able to enjoy life more !I hope this is somewhat comforting to you!Ialso think comedy movies help and knowing you have support and caring from others here ,who are in similar situations.Even though it hard to see the bright side sometimes,its best to count your blessings.take care both of you

tmjpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2024
   Posted 7/4/2011 8:46 PM (GMT -6)   
You're welcome SB! The support from everyone here really makes a difference, doesn't it.

Pebbs, I am so sorry you are feeling so badly but I certainly understand. My depression has been

getting the best of me for a while, and it's quite a struggle to get thru each day. Hang in there girl

and you know how to reach me.

hugs
suzane

sore42long
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 235
   Posted 7/4/2011 8:56 PM (GMT -6)   
I saw the movie Cedar Rapids ,I guess at my age I seen so many shows ,I kinda predict what will happen next !Cedar rapids was pretty funny!If you need a good dvd to rent ,I figure this should make most people laugh at least once .take care everyone,time to get my walk in for the day,from 2sore

JulietteSuzanne
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 7/4/2011 11:58 PM (GMT -6)   
I believe we deserve pity parties. I am in CONSTANT pain that others without CP cannot even begin to imagine, so therefore, I allow myself a release once in awhile. If we held all the emotional pain in...the results would be catastrophic to some. While my pain 'agitates' me, sometimes it is too much to bear so I simply HAVE to have a good cry, lengthy prayer, anything to get me under control and not spiral into a frenzy (which makes the pain worse!) So a simple "why me" is better than a trip to the emergency room!

Snowbunny21 --- we are the same age and my pain started in 1999 when I was 30 yrs. old. I look back of HS, College pics of me and wish I could time travel back and change an event or instant in my life that caused the pain. Memories during my 30's are nothing but trips to endless doctors and not understanding why my life took this daunting turn for me.

Only God knows...for I know there lies an answer to this pain somewhere in HIM. And that gives me hope for the future.
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