tears for my son right now...

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kittycreation
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 7/15/2011 3:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I have had major swelling in my feet and other joints (unknown reasons...waiting for results from more blood work and chest X-ray) and was finally put on a diuretic for it. The swelling is coming down but my left foot is sooo sore and my general pain is not good (honestly - around an 8/10). I can barely move today without crying from hip and stabbing down my left leg. I have been taking my meds as prescribed. I think it is probably extra bad from the swelling coming down?
 
I feel really bad because I have been cranky with my just turned 13 year old. Writing that just brought tears because I really hate it when pain brings extreme changes to my personality. He knows that it is my pain (at least he says he knows) but I think he still blames himself when I get angry with him over really silly things. It brings about a lot of guilt within myself. He is still too young to really understand what I have to go through (really as are most adults) and he really is a wonderful young person.   sad
 
The pain itself can get so bad and then this is almost like another symptom. I know mood swings are part of  living with pain and I sometimes think it is one of the worse parts. Being a single-parent adds to it - my folks help sometimes but I am pretty much on my own.
 
Hopefully tomorrow will be better....
 
 

momtofourangels
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2261
   Posted 7/15/2011 5:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Kittycreation I'm so sorry that you are going thru so much pain today. I know I feel guilty when I get short with my husband and he hasn't done anything to really be griped at. I hope that you feel better really soon. Take care and try to get some rest.

hugs
Loretta
Dx: osteoarthritis, bursitis in left hip, Osteoarthrits in right hip, compression fracture in thoracic spine due to falling on frozen ground March 2001 , ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, osteoarthritis in spine, osteoarthritis in both knees
Meds: Fentanyl patch, oxycodone, otc: BenGay, Tylenol Arthritis on occasion

kittycreation
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 7/15/2011 6:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Loretta, it is frustrating...to top off my pain day my brother told me he may have to move pretty far away for work....he is someone I count on when things get really bad...I tried to be positive for him but started sobbing...it will be good when today is finished although I try not to wish away my days. It can be difficult to be positive when pain is screaming.

Kitty
I pray and wait for God to do His thing in His time...til then I am waiting with chronic pain...

momtofourangels
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2261
   Posted 7/15/2011 6:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitty I'm sorry that your brother is having to move so far away. Does he have the internet? If so, you could write emails, make phone calls and even talk on yahoo messenger or skype (if you know how to use it). I was just trying to think of ways to help you feel better.

I hope your pain gets better really soon.

hugs
Loretta
Dx: osteoarthritis, bursitis in left hip, Osteoarthrits in right hip, compression fracture in thoracic spine due to falling on frozen ground March 2001 , ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, osteoarthritis in spine, osteoarthritis in both knees
Meds: Fentanyl patch, oxycodone, otc: BenGay, Tylenol Arthritis on occasion

CRPSpatient
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1276
   Posted 7/15/2011 7:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitty, I'm sorry for what happened. Constant pain is wearing - I know that I've snapped at my family more than once and it's not nice for anyone.

Thinking of you *hugs*

Laura
CRPS since 1999, diagnosed in 2005 and since spread to full body, spasms, dystonia & contractures, gastroparesis, orthostatic hypotension,bradycardia/tachycardia, bone spurs, bursitis, carpal tunnel syndrome.

On Oxycontin/Endone, Topamax, Mobic, Magnesium, Florinef, Somac, Cipramil. Have a spinal cord stimulator, intrathecal pump with baclofen & bupivacaine and doing physio.

grandmaroses
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 1355
   Posted 7/15/2011 8:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitty, I also snap at family members and then when I think about things I feel so darn bad but my family all say they understand I don't mean to be snappy. I'm sure your son knows how deeply you love him and would not want you feeling so blue. Take care I hope tomorrow is a better day : )
Take care
Rose



Insulin Dependant Diabetic, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, IBS, Sleep Apnea, COPD, Spondylolistesis, Diabetic Neuropathy, Fatty Liver, High Cholesterol

Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted Yesterday 1:22 AM (GMT -6)   
I wish I had an answer for you Kitty. But I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and saying extra prayers for pain relief for you..and to heal your heart. I understand how children can take on blame they have nothing to do with but I think often that are fears aren't realized where they are concerned.

You might try asking your son to help take your mind off of the pain. Maybe he likes to play some types of game...card games, computer games or whatever and the two of you can sit quietly together and play. If you have a laptop maybe you can lay back on your bed while your son sits with you playing some game or doing some craft. Maybe read a fun book together or do puzzles. I think that what children want most from us is our time. It doesn't matter if we are an invalid, works 12 hours a day or is a 'missing parent'. What kids want is time with us when we give them our undivided attention. It might not relieve your pain but concentrating on something else will surely help.

Hugs,
Chutz
Moderator on the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain forums
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Daily Donnybrook: Fibromyalgia, Insulin Dependent Diabetes. Ulcerative Colitis, Rare form of Dermatitis, Collapsed Disk, Osteoarthritis (especially in right hand and neck) and a couple of other adjunct agitations.
~~~~~
Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted Yesterday 2:12 AM (GMT -6)   
I can certainly empathize with you over this. I fight the same thing every day, the only difference is mine is only 5 1/2.

I had one of those days myself today. I did not get hardly any sleep last night, maybe 2 hours, so I was tired and my pain levels were way up too which had me is a lousy mood all day long. All I wanted was some peace and quiet but my kid had other plans. He was having one of those days where he was wanting extra attention. He wanted me to play with him, take him to the park, talk non stop, etc. Well his wants and needs collided with mine and it was not pretty.

I was very terse with him, yelled at him a lot today, so forth and so on. (No I did not spank him, hit him, call him names or anything like that).

Most of the time he is very understanding, a lot more so than many adults I know, and when I am having a really bad day he is content to play by himself or with his dog, but in the end he is still only 5 1/2. I know this, understand this but there are days that all this does is make me feel worse because I do feel guilty for becoming upset with him, not being able to do a lot of the physical stuff with him.

In retrospect I think that a big part of the problem today, on his side, is that he seen me mowing the yard this morning and thought if I felt good enough to do that I probably was up to doing more with him. Believe me I didn't feel like doing it today, but considering from Sunday on we are under a heat advisory with predicted heat indexes of up to 115 I had to get it done, and what sucks is I still have 1/2 the yard to do.

NiNi53
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 816
   Posted Yesterday 9:50 AM (GMT -6)   
I to have days like that, only my curtness goes to my grandchildren,  my girls had a mother for many years that was not a cp patient.  Even when it came time that I was completely disabled, my girls were teenagers, they did not require they type of care little ones do.
 
My grandchildren have only known a grandma, who has a "bad back" although from birth they know no other me that at least my own girls did get to spend most of there lives with.  Now I am "poor grandma" and are you feeling good today grandma?, do you have your medicine today grandma?  It breaks my heart, they look at pictures of what they call the olden days.  OMG, am I there, the old days!
 
But we do what we can, and certainly some days are better than others,  they have the added weight of me trying to quit smoking, which is really making me twitch, and say things I dont mean.  I am so tired of saying Im sorry.  But I have to keep saying it, until I learn another way to have some outlet.
 
Take care all.  Hope all are having a low pain day.
degenerative disc disease, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, neuropathy, lumbar laminectomy july 1998 no help, rechargeable neurostimulator unit low right back w/lead wires to left side and right leg unit not working just sitting there.i am 57 years young in may will turn 58. i have 2 grown daughters, 25 and 29. i have 2 grandchildren, 9 year old grandaughter and 5 yr. old grandson

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted Today 12:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Kitty,
 
I, too, can empathize w/ you on this one.  Many a time - I've had to return and apologize to my children for not being patient.... for snapping at them.... overreacting.... something - because of my pain issues or that I wasn't feeling well.  I really try not to do this.... but I'm human and it happens from time to time. 
 
I find it easier w/ my older ones - because they know by now (because I've talked w/ them at length and they've just seen how it goes) - that I don't mean to get grumpy and such.  It's harder w/ the younger ones and they are the ones that really test my patience. 
 
Like all of us - I have moments of guilt, too.... mostly, because my kids ARE so understanding.  I wish they didn't have to know any of this kind of stuff....like chronic illnesses and pain; seeing a mom that has to use a wheelchair occasionally; use a disability placard; etc.  I've accepted things for the most part.... but still have moments where it's hard.
 
Hang in there..... and I hope today was a better day for you, Kitty.
--Tina

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted Today 1:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitty,
have you maybe thought about getting counseling, as that can help. I see a pm psychologists
which has help a lot, maybe counseling could be of help for you. Seek out a
psychologist that has experienced chronic pain, mine has and I'm learning relaxation techniques
which you might be able to use when you know anger is going to break thru...
I hope this helps, it's meant in a good way...
well wishes
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

kittycreation
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 36
   Posted Today 6:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your kind words and constructive suggestions. I guess it is is really a matter of taking it "day by day" or even hour by hour depending on the day. My son is off on missions trip for a week and so that gives me a break and him a fun week for him where he will help others.

I too recommend counselling for everyone - Chartreux, I don't know think there is anyone where I live who specializes in pm but it does help to talk with someone and the counsellor I see has helped. I admit that I find relaxation techniques hard because of my anxiety but I am working on it as I know of so many who find it beneficial.

Jim, I can relate to your comment about your little one seeing you mow the lawn and assuming you could handle more. I see that with my employer, family and friends often. You are right, sometimes things are done because they have to, not because we can really handle it.

Thanks again...it helped to hear from all of you.
I pray and wait for God to do His thing in His time...til then I am waiting with chronic pain...
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