Hey BadHeart, welcome to Healing Well's chronic pain forum. While I am glad that you found us, I am very sorry that you have to be here.
First off, please, please don't be so hard on yourself, it is not like you did something that caused all of these problems. It is difficult enough as you know trying to survive the chronic pain, but I assure you, you are not finished and you just need some help in getting yourself back to an acceptable functioning level. Now granted, you may have to lower your standards a little in that area, because we do tend to put standards up there a little higher than they should be. We have a way of expecting more out of ourselves than is possible sometimes.
You are going to learn with CP you go through so many different emotions and feelings about
things. It is really a step by step process to get through it and you will. You can learn to do things differently than you use to, thats ok, it is not written stone that it has to be one way only.
I remember when first I became disabled, the first year was the pits and that was pretty much where I stayed. I realized that I needed to get my head back above the water or I was going to drown. Depression had me down in a black hole. I ended up getting put on medication for the depression which helped a lot. Then at my PCP's recommendation, I found a psychologist to go to that helped me sort this mess out.
One of the first emotions we usually feel is the loss of everything, our jobs, financial hardship, self worth and loss of friends are just some of the things that hit hard and fast. Through the help of my psychologist I learned I was actually grieving for the loss all of these things and of course many other things I felt that I had lost. With her help I learned it was ok to grieve for these things, but I also learned life was not over.
Acceptance is the hardest thing of all, to accept yourself as you are. You have to make peace with yourself and your new life. This did not happen over night and in some ways its still a work in progress with me. I have been at this since 2004.
Coming here and getting things off your chest is a very good thing to do too. No one here will be judgmental at all. We understand how you feel better than anyone because so many of us have been there or still are there.
I have heard of your condition before, but I just cannot remember much about
it. But, I will look into it and see what I can learn about
it. if I am remembering correctly it can be a very debilitating type of pain too.
If you are not getting much relief with your current medication perhaps your dr needs to consider putting you on a long acting pain medication with something else for break through pain, instead of chasing your pain the way you are now. There is a lot of different pain medications out there that can be tried along those lines. The thing with pain is you have to stay on top of it instead of under it.
Anyway, I wanted to pop on and tell you welcome aboard. But, most of all, don't be so hard on yourself, this is not something you did to cause it. Take care and keep us posted on how you are coming along.
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum
Post Edited (straydog) : 9/8/2011 1:21:00 PM (GMT-6)