Hello! Thank you for clicking on my post. I hope you'll take the time to read my story and share your own stories and advice.
I have been dealing with chronic pain and mental health problems for a years now. I'm sixteen now and my pain and depression and anxiety started getting really bad around three years ago.
I did display some symptoms when I was a child though. Sometimes the back of my calves would hurt so bad that I couldn't sleep. I would lay in bed and cry and grab my legs and wish that they would stop hurting. This occurred since I was a child but everyone said it was "growing pains". I've also always been anxious around people. When I was in elementary school, I used to lay in bed the night before school and obsess over silly things. I would worry that my homework wasn't in my bag or that my teacher would call on me a lot to answer questions. I would panic while waiting for the bus in the morning. Once I got to school, my face would turn so red and I felt like I was going to die just because I had to say "here" during attendance. While walking through the hallways, I felt like everyone was staring at me.
My more serious pains started three years ago when I was thirteen. It was a constant ache in my shoulders and neck at first. I also started getting migraines around this time. I visited neurologists and my primary care doctor and specialists but nothing helped. I also began having problems with my mental health later that year. My pain kept getting worse and so did my depression and anxiety. I started turning to negative coping skills, such as self injury, to deal with it. I was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for three days when at the end of that year because I was planning on killing myself. I was also hospitalized three times last year: once in a medical hospital for migraines and twice in a psychiatric hospital- once for self harm and thoughts of suicide and another for an attempt including a large consumption of alcohol and pills. I missed a lot of school that year.
My pain kept getting worse and worse to the point where it is unbearable now. I lay in bed and sob with a heating pack on. I take my "rescue meds" but they don't really help. I've missed this whole week of school. I am starting to get scared that I'm going to do something to hurt myself because I don't know how long I can take this pain. I don't want to live like this. I can't keep going on feeling this way. It is physically impossible for me to do lots of daily tasks. My pain is a ten out of ten and it's all over! My toes and fingers feel like they're cramping, my ankles and wrists ache, the back of my calves always burn, my neck and shoulders hurt so bad, my back aches, and I still get migraines all the time. All of my doctors lately (my therapist, my psychiatrist, and my pain doctor) have said "hang in there". How am I supposed to hang in there?
I've tried physical therapy, therapy, I see a psychiatrist, neurologist, rheumatologist, and a pain doctor. I've received injections, pain meds, advice on coping skills to use. I try to journal, draw, write, exercise, do some deep breathing and imagery, distract myself, pray, listen to music, look up suggestions online, and talk to people, but NOTHING is helping this pain. It's unbearable.
I can't do this anymore.
I don't know what I'm going to do. I literally just sit around and cry all day.
This pain is unbearable. I can not live my life. How can I go on? I am close to overdosing again and just ending the pain.
Please share your stories and advice on anything related to this. I would love to hear stories from people who are going through something similar to what I am and I would also love to get some support and advice.
Thank you. Have a great night!
--I forgot to talk about
my diagnosis! Doctors have thought that I have RND, or amplified pain syndrome, fibromyalgia, or dystonia (The DRD gene. It runs in my family). I need something to help me get through this. I'm starting to think about
just ending this pain. Please help.
Post Edited (♥♫ ώïττÿ εṃεɾαlḋ ♫♥) : 11/10/2011 4:38:10 PM (GMT-7)