Just a pain vent...

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Retired Mom
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 11/21/2011 5:17 AM (GMT -6)   
I know I don't post much lately so perhaps I have no right to vent today, but I have to "get it out" before I explode.  I'm hurting so badly right now that I cannot think.  I'm impossible to deal with and grouchy and moody all the time.  I can not sleep, I can not function, I can not even get through a day without whining and I'm sick of myself! 
It's like my body is my enemy and is finding ways to cause pain at every juncture.  My hands and my feet are killing me....then there are the legs and the back...then the headaches and the muscle spasms all over. 
I am one who does not take more than prescribed and occasionally less (if I can get away with it) to add to my "just in case" stash.  I have to do this to make sure I will have meds if something happens...."just in case"....  Anyway, I have to MAKE myself not take what I honestly need to help this pain.  Sometimes I feel like I'm taking way too much already (especially when I have a good day) and then I have so much pain that I can't stand it.  That is where I am right now.  I want to take some of my "just in case" meds and it certainly wouldn't be a problem with having enough to make it through, but I'm afraid that I will become dependant on them and not be able to make it without.  I know my PM will NOT prescribe additional or higher dose meds and that he is wanting to drop my dose.  Who knows what he will do at the next face to face because he never remembers from one visit to the next and apparently just depends on the nurses to tell him.  Also...he has a new PA that I have never seen to help with the "established" patients.  I don't like the idea of that at all!!!
Of course, this is just a vent and I know what I should do...which is wait it out and let the body do its thing today.  It's just a bad night again and they are getting more and more close together.  I'm sure this one is so bad because I bought groceries yesterday and didn't have help (until I got home). My husband unloaded the car, but I had pushed the buggy and loaded it and the car.  I am suffering so badly today that I can not think!!!  No one is awake to slather me with biofreeze and I can not reach the places that need it most!
I hope all of my HW family members are having a better day or night and that I am alone in this vent right now because I would never wish this pain on anyone.  Relief just won't come and it's been several hours since I awoke and took all the normal meds. 
Sorry for the rant...I just needed to "get it out" before I screamed!
TLIF L5-S1/failed, Pituatary disorder w/HGH deficiency, Fibro, Failed Bladder Surgery & Nissen, GERD, OCPD, GAD, MDD, CFS, TMJ, Migraines, Pre-glaucomic, HBP, Idiopatic Reactive Hypoglycemia w/Diabetic reaction to HGH, Bi-lateral CTS (surgery related trigger finger), Edema, Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy, Plantar Fascitis, Tibular Tendionitis, Adult Onset Flat Feet & much more.....

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 5028
   Posted 11/21/2011 8:59 AM (GMT -6)   
So sorry you are having extra pain, RM.  I can sympathize because I've been having a hard time recently too.
I got a long-handled pad for applying lotions at Bed Bath and Beyond, although you should be able to find them elsewhere and online.  It's a soft pad with a sealed outside so it doesn't absorb anything.
Maybe you will do better with the PA, but if she doesn't work out ask to see the doc right on the spot or ask for another appointment.  My doc wants me to cut down on pain meds too, and he's had me trying all sorts of non-opiates, which so far all have had awful side effects.  I always start with a half or quarter dose.  I've learned that  am sensitive to lots of meds.  Everyone is different, so try what they give you - I presume he is giving you something to replace what he takes away!  Just cutting off us CP'rs is cruel.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2011
Total Posts : 374
   Posted 11/21/2011 10:23 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry you're dealing with so much pain! Same as Alcie said, I've been feeling extra cruddy lately too.

And yeah, maybe the new PA could actually be a good thing. I only say that due to how unreliable the doctor seems to be. I have had better experiences with PAs than the actual doctor sometimes. I do understand the point, though--you're signed up to see the PM Doctor. You should be able to expect to, well, actually see him and not just his nurses or a PA every time. As Alcie said, maybe you should try the PA and then ask the doc if you're unsatisfied.

Keep us posted!
--Patrick, aka Misterkatamari

I'm active on several boards. Main issues are: Chronic Pain due to Scoliosis & 2 Herniated Discs, possible DDD and arthritic facet joints. Also active in the Depression/Anxiety boards. Meds include: Prozac 40mg, Xanax .5 mg, Tramadol 50mg

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16775
   Posted 11/21/2011 2:14 PM (GMT -6)   
RM I am sorry that you are so miserable. Usually around October of every year most people that suffer with CP start seeing increases in their pain, thanks to the old barometer jacking with us. I am glad you decided to come here and vent, everyone needs a good healthy vent every now & then.

Yes, it is a real roller coaster to have a good day and then have the rug yanked out from under you. The old inward battle of I really am on way too much medication to begins to start in and then you are on your kneeling crawling around because of pain and it seems like we can't just get enough pain meds in us to make it stop, then we think maybe this once I will take a little extra. It just screws with our heads so much no wonder we feel like we are on a run away mine train.

My thoughts on what I would do is take what I am suppose to and even on the days I feel real good and back off. I have always had a very healthy respect for medication of any kind. I know there are people that take more than how its written on their bottles but I am not one of them. Call me a chicken, but thats just the way I am. Nor, would I ever tell anyone to take more than they are suppose to either. I would never go more than one day of lowering my dose of them either to help prevent scenes like where you are now. I do know this is not what caused this to happen but it can. The problem is our bodies become accustomed to a certain amount of medications every day, when we don't feed them that amount they rebel in every way possible.

I am a surprised to see that you are still with the PM dr that you are currently seeing. I thought several months ago you were in search of someone new because the one you see now is such a flake. Always wanting to decrease your meds but has no clue who you are and what you take. Those kind scare me to death and make me wonder if they are dipping into the medicine cabinet at the office where all the samples are at. I could not tolerate a dr that acted the way yours does simply because I would be a bundle of nerves worrying if the ax is going to be dropped this month or not. I have way too much to worry about and having to worry about my squirrelly dr is never going to be one of those worries. Now you say a PA is on the horizon, oh, I would so be out of there and with a new dr.

RM I hope that somehow you can get your pain level down, I can tell you are suffering badly and thats so unfair. Take care of yourself and try not to be a stranger. Hugs.
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 11/21/2011 4:22 PM (GMT -6)   
So very sorry that your having a hard time, I hope things get better
for you soon...rant anytime you need to...it's good to rant...many
many well wishes for a low pain day soon..
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 11/21/2011 10:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there RM...I am so sorry you are suffering, there is not anything worse. Chronic Pain is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. I know what you mean about having a stash, something I think all of us worry about is getting cut off of our meds. I have heard so many horror stories about peoples doctors cutting their pain meds. That is so unfair so many do not understand what chronic pain is. I hope things get better for you and you have a better day tommorrow.

Take care, amy

Elite Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 25393
   Posted 11/22/2011 12:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Your "vent"is well justified and understood. I feel for you, but its good for you to get it out of your system. Wishing you better days ahead.

david in sc
Age: 58, 56 dx, PSA: 7/07 5.8, 10/08 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/08 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, Gleason 4+3
open RP: 11/08, on catheters for 101 days
Path Rpt: Gleason 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% cancer, 1 pos margin
Incont & ED: None
Post Surgery PSA: 2/09 .05,5/09 .1, 6/09 .11. 8/09 .16
Post SRT PSA: 1/10 .12, 4/8 .04, 8/6 .06, 2/11 1.24, 4/11 3.81, 6/11 5.8
Latest: 6 Corr Surgeries to Bladder Neck, SP Catheter since 10/1/9, SRT 39 Sess/72 gy ended 11/09, 21 Catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/10

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 11/22/2011 11:20 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi RetiredMom,

Sorry you were having extra pain. I was having a day like that yesterday, too. My carpal tunnel is flaring like crazy and my back has been in spasms. Very, very frustrating.... I hope today is a better day for you....

I, too, hope you can find a new doctor. A good pain management doctor shouldn't be a luxury to any of us. We all deserve a doctor that knows and remembers us.... isn't constantly trying to decrease/mess w/ our meds.... isn't overprescribing, either (I know that's not common - but I've had this type of doctor, too)..... Anyway, I pray that you can find a doctor that you justly deserve.

Until then, hang in there and know we are here for those bad days.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2024
   Posted 11/23/2011 7:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Sure hope you get to feeling better very soon RM. Good luck in your search for a new PM doc.


Retired Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 11/23/2011 8:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much for all of your kind words.  I really appreciate all of my friends here.
I also appreciate you guys remembering how many problems I have had with my PM and how wishy-washy he has been with me and my care.   I WISH the new PM search were going somewhere, but there are so few choices here and I have to make some serious decisions before I burn a bridge....I'm sure you all understand.
At least for the last three months, I have had no problem getting the correct meds.  Of course, that could change very quickly at the next appointment.  That's why I do the stash.  I've done quite well with it except the days (like the one I made this post) and today.  Those days get worse and worse and more and more often.....I'm sad to say.
It was so very good to hear from you guys though and I've been checking in.  I think depression has been playing a role too and it makes it a little more difficult to log on and "chat".
I hope all of you wonderful people will find a pain free and happy Thanksgiving holiday with family or friends and a nice rest from whatever stresses you on a normal day.
All my best!!
TLIF L5-S1/failed, Pituatary disorder w/HGH deficiency, Fibro, Failed Bladder Surgery & Nissen, GERD, OCPD, GAD, MDD, CFS, TMJ, Migraines, Pre-glaucomic, HBP, Idiopatic Reactive Hypoglycemia w/Diabetic reaction to HGH, Bi-lateral CTS (surgery related trigger finger), Edema, Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy, Plantar Fascitis, Tibular Tendionitis, Adult Onset Flat Feet & much more.....
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