I know I don't post much lately so perhaps I have no right to vent today, but I have to "get it out" before I explode. I'm hurting so badly right now that I cannot think. I'm impossible to deal with and grouchy and moody all the time. I can not sleep, I can not function, I can not even get through a day without whining and I'm sick of myself!
It's like my body is my enemy and is finding ways to cause pain at every juncture. My hands and my feet are killing me....then there are the legs and the back...then the headaches and the muscle spasms all over.
I am one who does not take more than prescribed and occasionally less (if I can get away with it) to add to my "just in case" stash. I have to do this to make sure I will have meds if something happens...."just in case".... Anyway, I have to MAKE myself not take what I honestly need to help this pain. Sometimes I feel like I'm taking way too much already (especially when I have a good day) and then I have so much pain that I can't stand it. That is where I am right now. I want to take some of my "just in case" meds and it certainly wouldn't be a problem with having enough to make it through, but I'm afraid that I will become dependant on them and not be able to make it without. I know my PM will NOT prescribe additional or higher dose meds and that he is wanting to drop my dose. Who knows what he will do at the next face to face because he never remembers from one visit to the next and apparently just depends on the nurses to tell him. Also...he has a new PA that I have never seen to help with the "established" patients. I don't like the idea of that at all!!!
Of course, this is just a vent and I know what I should do...which is wait it out and let the body do its thing today. It's just a bad night again and they are getting more and more close together. I'm sure this one is so bad because I bought groceries yesterday and didn't have help (until I got home). My husband unloaded the car, but I had pushed the buggy and loaded it and the car. I am suffering so badly today that I can not think!!! No one is awake to slather me with biofreeze and I can not reach the places that need it most!
I hope all of my HW family members are having a better day or night and that I am alone in this vent right now because I would never wish this pain on anyone. Relief just won't come and it's been several hours since I awoke and took all the normal meds.
Sorry for the rant...I just needed to "get it out" before I screamed!
TLIF L5-S1/failed, Pituatary disorder w/HGH deficiency, Fibro, Failed Bladder Surgery & Nissen, GERD, OCPD, GAD, MDD, CFS, TMJ, Migraines, Pre-glaucomic, HBP, Idiopatic Reactive Hypoglycemia w/Diabetic reaction to HGH, Bi-lateral CTS (surgery related trigger finger), Edema, Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy, Plantar Fascitis, Tibular Tendionitis, Adult Onset Flat Feet & much more.....