Has anybody had anything close to this situation? Hypnotic diability

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 1/10/2012 4:31 AM (GMT -6)   
I became sick in 2005 with a severe pulmonary disorder that required a 30 day stay in my local hospital and during this time I had thoracic surgery and an unknown amount of invasive testing done on my lungs and G.I. system. when I came home within 2 weeks I was back in the hospital with pleurisy and pneumonia .This went on for almost 2 yr's. I was in and out of the hospital 20 plus times. I  do know that this was a big burden on my family. But it was  family and this is what family does. The problem started when I was approved for SSDI and received the maximum allowed. I worked for 25+yr's and every year I received a letter from Social Security that I had reached the maximum points needed for retirement or disability. To shorten the story I moved to North Carolina with my retired mother and older brother who stopped working and came down with his own disability (neuropathy of the feet)and on a daily basis I am told how much pain he is in and in the near future he won't be able walk if the doctors don't find a cure or help him out in some way. So in the meantime he uses 1/3 of my pain meds for his problem, Because no doctor will prescribe him a strong pain med. and now my mother is having back problems (bulging disks and stenosis) So my house has become a nursing facility that on a daily basis I have to listen to every bodies bad night and how much pain they are in. My mother is 70 and retired when she was 65 to help me when I was very sick. Then my brother stopped working because of his feet.. idea I do know he has Peripheral
 neuropathy and does have pain but not that bad to have to use a wheelchair, Because of this I am behind in my mortgage payments because he is not working at all and has used all of savings. It's a crazy situation.
I moved to North Carolina in 2007 to be near certain orthopedics and pulmonologists at Duke and UNC hospitals..

AVASCULAR-NECROSIS (AVN) in 6 joints. HIPS,KNEE'S and SHOULDERS-Replaced RT shoulder.New left hip 9/8/11 LT shoulder next-then RT hip and both knee's together
Bilateral Empyema-Thoracotomy with Decordication.(Removed the Lining of left lung)Bilat Pneumothorax (2005-2008)
Methadone 90mg's-oxycodone 15mg's Qid-Nucynta 100mg's Tid
Former Respiratory Therapist/Perfusionist

Betsey Ross
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1056
   Posted 1/10/2012 6:15 AM (GMT -6)   

Welcome to the Healing well Forum. I am so sorry that your relatives are living off of you. You shouldnt be giving away your pain meds. Even if you sold the meds to him...you shouldnt be doing that. Alot of docs have their patients sign a contract stating that the office can discharge you from the practice if you dont keep your own meds to yourself.

Your brother needs to go back to his own doctor and tell him that his current meds are to weak and his pain is keeping him from doing his daily activities. He should go to a pain clinic. There are meds out there that works on nerve pain and meds
that work on pain elsewhere in a body.

Does your brother collect SS Disability income and is your mother getting medicare?

Call your mortage lender and make them aware of your situation. Can you refinance with a lower percentage?

Please keep in touch with us. More members will be stopping by at some point.

Nice to meet you
Soft Hugs
crushed lower knee and vertical fx of tibia/external fixator placed/plates and screws and tried to place big pieces of cartiledge under knee cap/tremendous pain in affected leg continously without improving/allergic to metal in left leg/leg isnt straight/ metal removed in July//then total knee replacement/straighten out leg/more phsyxical therapy/take oxycontin,flexeril,cymbalta,vicadin for BT

Retired Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 1/10/2012 6:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Randy,
I'd like to welcome you to Healing Well and to our chronic pain group, however, what you are doing is illegal.  You simply cannot give pain meds to those to whom they are not prescribed.  I know you are trying to help, but there is a reason that the Dr's won't give him any of his own......again, it is illegal to do this on your own and you could end up not only loosing your meds, but locked up!
I don't mean to be so very harsh, but I don't think the seriousness of this situation has really hit and believe me, it will hit when you tell him NO MORE!  He's gonna be mad!!  Stop giving this person meds immediately and tell him/her to go to a Dr for help!  If the person is already to the point of addiction, they will need medical intervention to stop using meds they were not supposed to have to start with and you may be named as the person who supplied it to them. 
Please take care of this situation this immediately!! 
As far as the other situation.....perhaps you should seek out mental health assistance to help you handle the stress of chronic pain and chronic illness.  You seem to feel guilty about having things they don't and to have difficulty removing yourself from this position.  You are not alone in this!  I think all of us feel some guilt sometimes and a very large number (including myself) use a psychologist or psychiatrist to help us deal with the stress of our conditions.
You may also want to go in to the rules and read about your post and then change few things.  You can make the changes by clicking on the pencil in the corner.  That way you can continue to post, but will be in compliance with the rules.
I hope you find the answers you seek.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 1/10/2012 7:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Do NOT give him a single pill!!!! Make an appt for him at a pain management clinic. They have alot of meds that help with neropathy only and are non-narcotic. I don't mean to sound mean, but what kind of bro takees meds from his siste.

My husband has a very bad back and used to glom my meds too, until I said if your pain is that bad, go yourself. I have been thru painful procedures, contemptuous staff and pharmacists, unbelieving docs and I earned those meds-LOL!!

My husband said "I'm not getting shots" and i said "Then I guess you are not in enough pain then!!" It makes me sooo mad when people say you have plenty...yeah, cause Doc said I needed them.

Anyway, you could lose your pain doc and get arrested and then you will never ever see a pain pill again...they will blackball you...

I am so sorry you have turned into the caretaker when YOU are so sick...can you get any in home assistance from somewhere...if not paid help, maybe a church or volunteers...is there a senior center where they pick her up for activities?? Give you a break-you desperately need one.

Does your bro or Mom receive $ and are they pitching in? I hope so...please let us knwo...we care and stop enabling your brother...he needs to complain to HIS doc not his sis

Take care...let us know
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 1/10/2012 8:46 AM (GMT -6)   


       Good morning Randy!

             I don't have a lot more to add to what has already been advised here, but just wanted to mention that a friend and or family member that is using you will also rat you out. There are so many possibilities...of things that can go wrong with this situation. Bottom line is, that you need to take care of you!

    I understand family helping those with finanical hardships for various reasons....I have done the same for my family. However they were not users...and dishonest.

       Do the best you can to right the situation. Maybe a little tough love? rolleyes

     I'm interested in a little more information about your brother....does he have insurance?...and is he now seeing a Dr since you all have moved? Is he on SSD? or other? Do you go to his Dr appointmenmts with him? ...could he possibly see your DR?

   ...also Thanks for the FDA update! Appreciated!

       Take care,

      SE wink

Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Weekly Quote!

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."

Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 1/10/2012 9:28:27 AM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9661
   Posted 1/10/2012 10:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Get a good strong lock box and lock your medicines up, they are for your use only
and hide the lock box...Count your pills and make sure nothing more gets taken...
get help for yourself and your family, maybe look into psychologists one
that can do you all as a group and then one for just you, that should help with
what your going thru...talk to your bank about the mortgage before things
go bad, maybe they can work something out, but call and look around for
help from church, meals on wheels might help with food...
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 1/10/2012 1:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the feedback. I think I just needed to see it in writing. The funny thing about the whole situation is that my brother holds onto my meds in a lock box and distributes my meds as the doctor ordered minus the 2 he takes,He has never taken more than the 2 a day.But I know he shouldn't be taking anything.I think I agreed to it because for several yr's I had to depend on him for everything outside of the house..Then in 2009 we both bought a new house in N.C. so my mother and I wouldn't have to worry about moving again.But in June 2011 his obsession with the nerve pain became so bad he stopped working. So now my mother and I have to use both of our monthly checks to support the house. It just seems to me that as my disability increases so does there's..
My mother has Medicare and my brother doesn't have insurance
Thanks again Randy

AVASCULAR-NECROSIS (AVN) in 6 joints. HIPS,KNEE'S and SHOULDERS-Replaced RT shoulder.New left hip 9/8/11 LT shoulder next-then RT hip and both knee's together
Bilateral Empyema-Thoracotomy with Decordication.(Removed the Lining of left lung)Bilat Pneumothorax (2005-2008)
Methadone 90mg's-oxycodone 15mg's Qid-Nucynta 100mg's Tid
Former Respiratory Therapist/Perfusionist

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 1/10/2012 1:29 PM (GMT -6)   

No offense is intended here, but your brother needs to be stopped. Who takes a person's meds to distribute them, and then abuses the person's trust? The best thing you can do for yourself is to get a new lock box and take control of the situation. He is abusing your trust, your relationship with him and only you and your mother can stop it.
I don't understand why he has the access to the lock box and you do not. Is there past history of addiction for him or in your family?

Your brother could get assistance from N.C. for insurance, especially if he is not working and you are both receiving income support. If his pain is that bad, he needs to seek his own medical treatment for it, insurance or no insurance. What you are doing is illegal, and I agree with RetiredMom and others that you must stop allowing him to take your meds asap. You run the risk of your doctor cutting you off with no help, and making it impossible to get any doctor to give you the pain medication you need because of this.

The only other thing I have to say is that it takes a certain kind of person to take advantage of someone with a disability, be it physical or mental, and abuse their trust, take their medications, and hold their efforts over them as a tool to get more of what they want. Your brother seems to be using you for medications and a free ride. Taking care of the outside of your home is not worth your medications and possibly losing them.

Sorry if that is too harsh, but you have gotten into a very dangerous situation. Some tough love looks to be needed here.

I hope things improve for you soon. Please keep us posted.
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw
Pelvic adhesive disease, IBS, SI dysfunction, arthritis, fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety, 11 pelvic surgeries for pain, adhesions, endometriosis, adenomyosis, ovarian cysts, and ovarian remnant syndrome.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 15852
   Posted 1/10/2012 2:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Randy and welcome aboard. Wow, you have a mess on your hands. I am assuming the three of you live together, is that correct? If the three of you live together then that mortgage payment should be split three ways and same with the utilities. Everyone should pay their part because they will not be able to live anywhere rent free. Get in touch with the bank or who ever has the loan on the house and see what kind of arrangements can be made to keep you from losing the place.

As far as the brother goes, you need to know that pain medication has little effect on nerve pain. When a person has nerve pain then he/she needs to be on one of the medications that targets nerve pain, there are several out there. So your brother is taking your pain medication pretty much for nothing. Like someone else said, if you are under the care of pain mgt dr and he finds out about this brother taking your meds not only will the dr fire you as a patient but you will have a very difficult time finding another dr willing to take you on as a patient. The way the dr is going to see things is you are as guilty as your brother because you know he is not suppose to be taking your medication. Get yourself a lock box and don't let anyone know your combination to the lock and hide it. Have you witnessed the dr telling your brother he is not going to give him strong medication, the dr may have a good reason for not doing so. Apparently you have not been in PM very long or else you would know the great difficulty patients are having finding a dr that is willing to rx pain meds that work.

Take care of yourself and keep us posted on how you are doing.
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Post Edited (straydog) : 1/10/2012 4:57:07 PM (GMT-7)

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