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Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 1/14/2012 7:04 PM (GMT -6)   
I informed my family today that I am going on strike from cooking their meals for them until they choose to step up to the plate and start doing the dishes. Until that day arrives they can live off of TV dinners and cold sandwiches.

I figured it up. Between the food shopping, which I do all of it, and making a meal, no matter what it is I spend the equivalent of at least 45 minutes per meal, and it takes a lot out of me and leaves me hurting. When I have to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen on top of that I am usually hurting so bad that I end up not eating anything.

Of course they all think I am being a jerk right now and not being fair, but when I asked them how fair it was to me to be in so much pain that I can't enjoy the food I make they of course did not have an answer.

I honestly do not think it is being unreasonable for them to spend 20 minutes washing the pots and pans and loading and unloading the dishwasher.

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 1/14/2012 7:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Go for it!!! You are completely right. We are often taken for granted in doing the "home" duties, even if we worked for 20 years and are receiving retirement and SSD. It's like we become the personal maids and keepers of the finanical, the cooks, the childcare, and the family go-to person. If we say no, then we are selfish because we are home all day "doing nothing". Hello....It takes more out of us to do one load of laundry than it does anyone else in the same house, but nobody even appreciates it most of the time. I'm sick of trying to pick up after an unappreciative family every morning when I can barely walk myself. I'm also sick of taking my child to school looking like a dumpster diver when I've had to iron the clothes and let everyone else shower to get ready. Then you help them do their hair or get a quick breakfast and keep the coffee pot made and ready for the next day. You almost never even get a cup of hot coffee yourself for taking care of the "little" tasks. For us, they are generally BIG tasks and take so much effort that we have to sit for hours just to get the pain to lessen for the rest of the day!

I tried the strike too and it worked for a while (still does sometimes) but I hate the smell of nasty dishes so I give in. I also have insisted I have some help around the house and now have a college student come in a day a week to vacuum, mop, sweep, take out some trash, and clean bathrooms. She's certainly not amazing, but it helps keep the house from looking like a bomb exploded after a while.

Let us know how the strike goes, please....and GOOD LUCK!!!!!
TLIF L5-S1/failed, Pituatary disorder w/HGH deficiency, Fibro, Failed Bladder Surgery & Nissen, GERD, OCPD, GAD, MDD, CFS, TMJ, Migraines, HBP, Idiopatic Reactive Hypoglycemia w/Diabetic reaction to HGH, Bi-lateral CTS (surgery related trigger finger), Edema, Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy, Plantar Fascitis, Tibular Tendionitis, Adult Onset Flat Feet, Vision Issues & much more.....

sos007
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 1/14/2012 8:27 PM (GMT -6)   
I do not blame you in the least....I don't have little onesanymore, but I have a son who moved back works and goes to school an a husband...we made a deal along time ago, we all take turns being responsible for supper. So what we do is we each get 2 days and on sunday we fend for ourselves. Now you can cook it, pick it up or order in but if you order it in or pick it up you buy. As far as the house we all pitch 50 amonth and we hired a friend who cleans for a living, we pay her $150 a mth an she comes in for 2 and a half hrs a week and just does the basics, vacumns,dusts,washes floors and cleans our 2 bathrooms. Now are house is always relatively clean as we all work during the day an make little mess...but she just shines it up...lol.. We all feel it is worth approx $200 each a month for suppers and cleaning well worthit for us cause have to eat any way. For laundry my son does his own but my hub and I work out a deal if he throws it in and changes it over I will do folding and hanging...these are some suggestions that I have found worked for us and I don't feel I carry most of the burden...I also would not be able to eat because of pain by the time I was done all the cooking. If you have little ones I am sorry I guess you have to maybe alter things to make things fair. This works for us because my youngest is 26 and he works makes a big difference.

I hope your strike makes them open there eyes and see how much you do for them. All the best to you...

Blessings, Amy yeah

Betsey Ross
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1056
   Posted 1/14/2012 9:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh Jim

Keep to your guns and go on strike!!!! Most of us share your predicament. Family always think that since Im home all day that Im well enough to cook a hot meal. I got news for them, Most of the time I hurt so much that I cant wash up myself. I put clean clothes on and style my hair and rest for hours after that to lessen the pain.

I hope your strike works for you.

Soft encouraging hugs
Betsey
crushed lower knee and vertical fx of tibia/external fixator placed/plates and screws and tried to place big pieces of cartiledge under knee cap/tremendous pain in affected leg continously without improving/allergic to metal in left leg/leg isnt straight/ metal removed in July//then total knee replacement/straighten out leg/more phsyxical therapy/take oxycontin,flexeril,cymbalta,vicadin for BT

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 1/15/2012 12:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Who knows if it will work or not. I am almost to a point that I don't care.

I have lost 40 lbs in the past year because I have been hurting too much to eat at times. While I needed to drop that weight (and prob another 20 or so) it is not a diet I would suggest.

Since I am the one who does the shopping anyway I am not even going to bother to buy anything other than those TV dinners and sandwich fixings so they won't even have the option of cooking something for themselves. On top of that the other 2 "adults" in this house have a hard time making Hamburger Helper and cooking the dishes that they love are beyond them.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16794
   Posted 1/15/2012 5:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Good for you Jim. I totally understand where you are at with this and I do not blame you a bit. I have had my strikes around here in the past. It is just myself & my husband here but, since he retired, omg, the messes this man makes in this house is unbelievable. Does he clean up after himself, NO! I have threatened to go out in his garage which is his workshop and totally level it, lol. IF he cooks something its with the burner turned up as high as it will go and he makes the biggest mess on the stove you can imagine & never cleans it up. I have a black flat top stove that is fairly new & you cannot imagine what he has done to the top of it burning food on it, just makes me sick. I do all of the grocery shopping too, he will go to the store & spend $200 and come home if we are lucky with a enough food for one meal, the rest of the stuff is nothing but junk. He has no clue how to look at prices of anything either. We are both now on a fixed income money wise and he just does not get it. He is stuck in the if I want it, I will get it mode.

I am with you on the weight loss, some of mine is because of crohns disease and some of it is by the time I get done cooking, I feel so bad I can't eat. In fact, I had my pump refill done a week ago Friday and they weigh me every time I go in. My nurse said well so far all of us have gained weight after the holidays from eating too much and eating sweet stuff. I said well I am quite sure I have gained because of all the sweets I ate, I lost another 2 1/2 pounds to my surprise. Standing is a real problem for me, I use a cane and I am bent over, I cannot stand up straight even with a cane. I have tried every trick in the book to help with this problem when trying to stand & cook, so far nothing has helped.

I am trying to find help to come in and clean my house. We live in a 2 story and it overwhelms me trying to clean all of it. I can't do the entire house, its just too much. Its takes me 3 days to just clean the downstairs, I have a lot mopping since I got rid of carpet except in the bedrooms.

I did not realize you had 2 other adults in your house, thought it was just the three of you. Stick to your strike mode, they did not realize what a good thing they had going, did they??? Take care.
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 1/15/2012 9:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Jim, when you get them inline…send them over to my house!…nobody washes dishes here! shocked

Deborah does a pretty good job, especially since I lay in bed most of the time. I do work a full time job 40hr per week, and she does not work, so the least she can do is a few dishes for the two of us. I also clean house on the weekends, so I feel that I do my part here.

Good luck to you, and let us know who wins the war! Only suggestion would be "Team Work".

SE wink
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Weekly Quote!

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 1/15/2012 12:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Susie.... I had to laugh at your husband comment - and spending $200 on one meal. Good night - that's the truth here, too.

Jim - I'm w/ you. My philosophy is that whoever cooks - especially if he/she has health/pain issues - should not be doing the cleaning! I cook about 85% of the time - and I try to clean up as I go... but I'm NOT going to clean for a family of 10 after cooking. The boys rotate chores.

Hope your strike is short-lived... and you get some help!

--Tina

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 1/15/2012 12:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Jim,
I totally agree with you, keep up on strike, they need to help you out more.
here to support you on this 120%...
My daughter has become lazy around the house too and will only help after I
have to tell her 10+ times and while she was home on break from University,
I didn't allow her to sleep to noon, had her but up by 8 am most days, but I was
mad that she would come into the kitchen to learn to cook, she needs it...
she'll bake cookies, but won't learn to cook chili...that's a staple for most
guys on football Sunday....I think I might have to get her into a University
cooking class...it ain't that hard to load a dishwasher either...My daughter did that much...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

bsjaguar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 974
   Posted 1/16/2012 6:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Jim, it does seem that those of us that stay at home due to whatever reason end up with the majority of the household chores plus some. I have alot of days when I am either sick or just hurting so bad all I can do is sit in the recliner. My husband always says to take it easy and don't do anything today. Only problem is that he doesn't do anything around the house either so by the time I am feeling better there are no groceries left, laundry needs done, the list goes on. So far I haven't said anything but my mind sure is working overtime.

I hope you get your point across and they start stepping up to the plate more. Has your son started school yet? That should help some when he is in school during the entire day.
---Jag---


DDD, osteoarthritis, facet syndrome, fusion surgeries C-5/7 & L-4/5 both in 2006, torn meniscus surgeries left knee 2000 & 2002, buldging disc L-2/3 & L-3/4, fibromyalgia, polymyalgia rheumatica

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 1/16/2012 9:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Jim, I am with you on this too. Stick to your guns.
My husband and sons are learning to cook, but more often than not will not do the dishes unless nagged and reminded many times. We have a portable dishwasher now, which helps, but the nagging to get the boys to load it is unreal.
I am very lucky with my husband who helps with everything that may need done, but since he works 10 hours a day with an hour to commute back and forth, he is limited in his time to clean. I am lucky though. My sons now have chores that are daily requirements, and we keep track with a schedule. If they don't do the chores, they don't get the fun stuff like video games, TV, and outside play. It makes me feel mean when they are helping and I am laying down resting, but life isn't fair or even. If it was, I wouldn't be hurting and could do it myself.
Grocery shopping is an art I am teaching to my family. The boys will be able to shop for themselves in a smart way, and my husband is already able to do it for me if I can not come along. He is so good at it he comes home under budget and without the junk that doesn't cook up well.

I hope it gets better for you sooner rather than later. I know my family hated my cooking and cleaning strike. It lasted 2 days.

Mindy
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw
Pelvic adhesive disease, IBS, SI dysfunction, arthritis, fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety, 11 pelvic surgeries for pain, adhesions, endometriosis, adenomyosis, ovarian cysts, and ovarian remnant syndrome.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 1/16/2012 5:29 PM (GMT -6)   
If my 21 year old son doesn't get the hint and get with the program he is going to have to find himself another place to live.

Right now we are supporting him "rent free" until he can find a job, and like many here money was already tight before we added another mouth to feed not to mention the increase in utility costs and other expenses.

When he first moved in here back in early December he actually did pitch in and helped quite a bit, but the last few weeks he really seems to be taking advantage of the situation.

Anytime I get onto him about anything I get this "I am 21 and an adult" bit out of him and my reply is something to the tune of "Then act like one and do what you are suppose to do without being told."
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 1/16/2012 9:25 PM (GMT -6)   
…..Whew!….that makes my blood boil instantly Jim! I agree with you….in fact they would not have five sec's to make up their mind! My wife's daughter found that out quickly when she turned 18!…out she went…instantly!

She has since grown up…and now knows better, and that I mean business….and I don't like telling them twice either. One thing I cannot stand is disrespect, and that is a form of it.

Good luck as you stand your ground!

SE wink
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Weekly Quote!

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."

Pharm Girl
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 1/17/2012 5:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jim,

I have been a chronic pain patient for 30 years now, and raised 6 children during this time. One thing that worked for me is that I absolutely refuse to cook if the kitchen is not clean. If you do the shopping do not buy anthing that requires cooking until this is resolved. Cereal and Milk or Sandwiches. I have even taken all of the pots and pans out of my kitchen and hiddent them.

I used to think it required a college education to make ice cubes, since I was the only one that ever did that. Finally, with 4 teenagers in the house I developed a list system. I had 4 lists posted on my refrigerator: Dishes, Trash, Ice Cubes, and Tea. Each teen was responsible for signing there name and dating it when they did any of these small taks. A quick perusal of the lists would generally indicate who's head needing to be on the chopping block (figuratively speaking here). .

My advice is to stand your ground. I no doubt exacerbated my back and neck injuries with all of the housework I did for many years. The herniated disks are now deteriorating and my doctor says my spine is in great shape for a 65 year old woman. I am 48. I can not undo the damage I caused by my perhaps obsessive need to maintain a clean home. I think perhaps I put such high regard on the cleanliness of my home as I felt it was something I could control, unlike the unrelenting daily pain. Still, I wish now I had just let some of the housework go and allowed my body to heal as much as possible. However, the children are now grown and I live alone now. I enjoy not having to clean up after unthinking and unfeeling offspring. I do love them, but I will never again be anyone's personal maid.

Hope it works out for you!
A higly intelligent, highly pissed-off college graduate with a lot of free time on her hands, now advocating for change to current pain laws and policies, who suffers with TMJ, Cervical Displacement, Degenerative Disk Disease, Hip Bursitis, Herniated Lumbar Disks, and a Pinched Nerve with associated neuropathy.

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 1/19/2012 7:14 AM (GMT -6)   
I like this idea Pharm Girl. No cooked food unless it's clean :)

I have never been able to cook in a dirty kitchen either, so I always clean up first, then cook, then clean again, then have the mess they leave behind.

I found some products though and have been using them lately (and inisting on help, by the way)... The oven bags for cooking meat are amazing! They keep everything (including liquid) inside until you cut them open and they cook the meat faster and better than even my best cookware. Also, the slow cooker liners are wonderful if you like to use the crock-pot. The whole mess can be picked up and tossed away after you are finished. I also use foil to line my baking pans for bisquits, breads, pizza's, or anything I can. It helps so much to have the largest cooking items already (mostly) clean and then you can use the dishwasher (if you have one) for the rest. We also have a local store that carries those throw away pans for about a dollar. I have to use a hard metal pan under them (since they aren't the best quality) but it makes for a great help if you are cooking very large (or even small) casseroles or desert dishes.

I know these things are not for everyone, but they do help me and are pretty inexpensive. If they keep me from hurting myself more doing large baked on dishes, then it's worth the few cents I'm basically throwing away to get them. I can often find the products at discount stores too.

Good luck everyone!
TLIF L5-S1/failed, Pituatary disorder w/HGH deficiency, Fibro, Failed Bladder Surgery & Nissen, GERD, OCPD, GAD, MDD, CFS, TMJ, Migraines, HBP, Idiopatic Reactive Hypoglycemia w/Diabetic reaction to HGH, Bi-lateral CTS (surgery related trigger finger), Edema, Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy, Plantar Fascitis, Tibular Tendionitis, Adult Onset Flat Feet, Vision Issues & much more.....

bayoub2
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 1/19/2012 9:31 AM (GMT -6)   
What great ideas!! My shrink told me I was a "caretaker" and would kill myself looking after others and pay no mind to myself, in other words a "martyr"-lol.

Hubby is great cook but as mentioned above, he dirties every pot, every surface, floor etc. I was raised to clean as you go. First, fill sink with hot soapy water and then start cooking. I always make LARGE batches so freeze one meal. That really helps on those nights (OK, every night) that I feel too crappy to cook.

My hubby does help but is also main culprit...my teenage daughter's mess is confined to her room-I choose not to fight that battle and close the door, she does her laundry and cleans her bathroom.

Hubby is a little anal about cleaning(grew up in military family) so when he complains, I tell him "if it bothers you that much, clean it up. (mainly clutter or clean laundry they refuse to put away) and my tombstone is not going to say "she kept a spotless home" it will read " aloving mother, daughter amnd friend"

How is the strike going?

Maggie
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 1/20/2012 1:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Those are all great ideas!

Jim, How is the strike going? Have they caved yet?

Mindy
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw
Pelvic adhesive disease, IBS, SI dysfunction, arthritis, fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety, 11 pelvic surgeries for pain, adhesions, endometriosis, adenomyosis, ovarian cysts, and ovarian remnant syndrome.
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