first, hello everyone. I'm new here..
This is akward. so I'm just going to post it. Please bear with me.
From the day I was born, I've had some sort of problem. Any time anything touches me anywhere, it causes extreme pain. This includes anybody else's touch anywhere on me, my own touch on most places, and even things as absurd as my hair being gently blown against my face. These things are painful, to the point where my muscles will start to convulse if i move my hand anywhere on my torso (though especially the sides.) only subsiding when i remove my hand.
Some time last year, I suddenly comprehended the consequences of this in a single moment: I will enver be able to enjoy even something as simple as a hug. Because thats how immensely painful it is.
I'm worried. I know howi mportant human contact is, and I know how much I desire it but..it causes intense physical pain, always. Without exception. Painkillers do absolutely nothing for this. Nothing does anything for this. I dont even have a name for it, all I know is, its not going away. And that makes me feel like my future is meaningless. I cant afford either a neurologist or a therapist to help me cope. I have no money because, well really, working is next to impossible. It feels pointless.
And thats it basically. pain over 100% of my body, for my entire life, all touch feels like glass or gravel or something. it hurts so badly.
I try to stay optimistic. really, I do. I never hate my life, though I do hate this thing thats screwing it up. I should say, things. Ive also been diagnosed with a minor mitral valve prolapse (Which makes me nervous about a heart problem which induces panic attacks which make me tense and strain which causes chest pain which...yeah. The problem itself does not cause pain to a notable degree.), some sort of bowel disorder, and something thats in one of those autism specturm dealies.
so, as for my question... "What now?" What do I do now? This question has kept me in stasis for over a year, and it shows no sign of letting up. And its just so exhausting.