How to carry on.

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1205
   Posted 1/19/2012 6:43 AM (GMT -6)   
cry  I'm just so spent,pain levels up and depression thru the roof. Not sure how to keep dragging myself thru each day. I'd really like to find a hole and crawl in it and stay.The death of my father plus all the stresses of life is more than i can bear.

Retired Mom
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 1/19/2012 6:52 AM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my father (several years ago now) and found that it caused so much depression I did not know where to turn. I wish I had this board when that happened.

I don't have any great suggestions for you because time was the only thing that made it better.

If you are not seeing someone for depression and CP, perhaps it would help. You have had a horrible time lately and just finding someone who honestly understands may do a great deal of good.

I hope you will find pain relief soon and that your depression will lift to blue skies and sunshine. I imagine you could use a little sunshine and a little rest.

Peace be with you my friend.
TLIF L5-S1/failed, Pituatary disorder w/HGH deficiency, Fibro, Failed Bladder Surgery & Nissen, GERD, OCPD, GAD, MDD, CFS, TMJ, Migraines, HBP, Idiopatic Reactive Hypoglycemia w/Diabetic reaction to HGH, Bi-lateral CTS (surgery related trigger finger), Edema, Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy, Plantar Fascitis, Tibular Tendionitis, Adult Onset Flat Feet, Vision Issues & much more.....

Screaming Eagle
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Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 1/19/2012 9:56 AM (GMT -6)   


       Morning auntkay!

             Dealing with CP...and especially if it's at the higher end of the pain scale...and then life issues on top of that...can sure be a double whammy! shakehead

     I will agree with retiredmom here....and have found that time is one of the few things that will eventually work. I'ts of little comfort...having to wait on time...because we need phisical and mental relief now. I generally keep a few BT meds put back...and have used them for times such as this...for a little extra comfort. We do have to be careful though...and hop off of them quickly lest we become dependent on the temporary relief.

      I find that stress in any form...can add to the pain being greater for a time.

    I'm not suggesting that we take extra BT meds for our mental health....but am suggesting...that when we bring our pain down to levels of more comfort...we then may be able to deal with lifes troubles a little eaiser.

 Again...I'm sorry for your loss...and do give yourself plenty of time to grieve. Everyone is time line for it either. The best thing is to share as you have done here...we are family of sorts...and care when our members are experiencing pain and suffering...including depression....and so forth.

     Take care,


Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Weekly Quote!

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 1/19/2012 10:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Awe Kay,
You've been thru so much, that your slipping into depression like this
was probably hard to see, maybe seek out help with counseling to help
with all this turmoil, many many sympathies for you of course...
Thinking of you, sending Prayers and comfort...
Keep us posted as we do truly care...
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 1/19/2012 2:14 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sorry for your loss, it takes time to cope with it, little memories here and there will make you remember with a smile, and eventually more good memories. Not to say that you still wont miss your father very much. Seeing someone for the depression is a great idea as said so well above.
Go on one breath at a time, one task at a time. Especially those big long stress relieving deep breaths.
I pray things get better each day.
Abdominal surgeries 7ish (C section x2, Hysterectomy, Laprotomy due to scar tissue, left Colectomy, ventral hernia repair,MRSA, Ventral hernia repair removal, MRSA. Ventral hernia repair laproscopic, last surgery left a hole for months that needed to be packed. The last hernia repair was a placement of a Large abdominal mesh with unusual sensitivity to the tacks.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16770
   Posted 1/19/2012 5:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Kay, my heart just goes out to you. You know somehow you really need to get this pain thing under some type of control, it is also easy to be depressed when dealing with CP. Add in the recent loss of your father, well its just like hitting a brick wall. It was for me when I lost my dad. He was suppose to come home from the hospital the next day, instead I was making funeral arrangements. Get some professional help and do not be ashamed in getting extras help.

Reach out to the people that are there for you, do not let yourself get sucked into that dark hole, its too hard of a climb getting out of it. If you can find a book to help with your grief this one literally saved me with the loss of both parents. The name of the book is called Good Grief, its was a tiny little thing, I passed it on to a friend that lost her son. I read that little book over and over so many times, especially on the days when I thought I could not go on. Please take care of yourself, hugs..Susie
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 615
   Posted 1/19/2012 7:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Kay....I am so sorry for your loss, keep your memories close to the heart. I think Straydog has some good suggestions I know here were I live we have what is called grief counceling. I also think the book she suggested might just help you take some steps forward. I will keep you in my prayers....

Blessings, Amy
Chronic Pain(nerve), fibro, mild depression and a few others

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 1/20/2012 9:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear Kay

It was 1 year after Katrina, when we lost everything but our lives when I lost my Dad...I was 54 and felt lost, orphaned, without an anchor in my world...I understand your pain but have little wisdom to pass that hasn't been said.

Please know that as time goes by, he is always near me, I feel his prescence and I talk to him and know he is proud of me. At first, all we remember is the death. in time, we honor and remember the life and all they gave us.

Sending healing thoughts and prayers
"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 179
   Posted 1/21/2012 10:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm so sorry auntkay about the loss of your father.

I lost my dad 1 1/2 years ago from small cell lung cancer. From the time of his diagnosis to death was 3 weeks.

There are times it still hurts but I have to keep telling myself he's in a much better place. I spent 3 weeks driving from Maine to Boston to spend time with him Beth Israel and then Maine Med. Sat with him while he went through chemo. Watched him suffer.

I can't say it hurts any less as time goes on however I can say it does get easier to deal with. {{{{Hugs}}}}

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 440
   Posted 1/21/2012 10:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Helloo Kay!
Gosh...I feel for ya! I haven't been around in awhile but Char stopped in chat one day and caught me up with you.
Sounds like you've been through the mill latley! cry
I lost my Mom in 95' and 2 years later my Dad. I sooooo know the feeling of slipping into a dark depression. Doesn't matter if you were close to your parents or's your parent!  Not to mention all our pain with Crohns..and other issues. Be nice to yourself and take it easy! Don't make any big decisions in the next year. Take time to grieve and everyone is different. I think I used to put it off in the back of my mind and push it down ...then I ended up having to mourn later...which was really denial. I did keep a diary of my feelings. It helped. I could go back and see that I was getting better.  I agree with RetiredMom though...go see someone to talk about stuff...  if you feel really crummy. Your biggy right? Well deary take care and pop into chat sometime. Hugs!

Betsey Ross
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Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1056
   Posted 1/22/2012 10:07 AM (GMT -6)   
My Dear Aunt Kay

It is so normal to grieve the loss of a parent no matter how old you are when it happens. Like other members stated only time lessens the pain .

I am an orphan with losing both parents and we should start an orphan club. Yes I am married but losing both parents is awful.

Kay, I will pray for you to find the comfort and strength that is needed to get you through the coming days, weeks, months.

Warm Hugs(((((((Kay)))))

Age to a woman is like krypronite to Superman.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 2861
   Posted 1/22/2012 11:04 AM (GMT -6)   
thinking of you...stay strong and let the tears come too''

"We never realize how strong we are, until being strong is the only thing left"
Major Depressive Disorder, ptsd, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, l3/4, L4/5 gone, bursitis arthritis sciatica

seroquel, hydrocodone clonazepam norvasc multi vitamin and magnesium

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 1/22/2012 1:00 PM (GMT -6)   

I, too, am so sorry for the loss of your father. I think grief counseling would be a good thing as well. That and continuing to reach out to those around you.

I've been in the "depression hole" one too many times.... it's a horrible place to be. And - really - unless you've been there, it's hard to understand how crappy it is.

I am an only child and both my parents are living, but aren't in the greatest health. I know that day will come for me as well.....

Please know you can come here and vent about your feelings - and that people care.

Thinking of you, Kay.... --Tina
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