I posted for the first time about
a month or two ago , I am not sure how to include the link of that post to this post but my story is way too long to type out again. I guess I am just feeling down really down. I have been sick in bed for the last month one thing after the other and to be honest rejoining the world is so scary. Luckily my mil was able to stay until today to help with our three children. Does that sound weird or crazy to anyone who suffers from chronic pain, weakened immune, severe depression and PTSD or anyone at all? I know enough about
my conditions and self to know I am reaching out for support because unless you have taken a step in our shoes you won't get it and you will be judged. If I am completely honest I never "got it" before it happened to me. The quick summary of my condition is that
I had a emergency thoracotomy ten years ago after a er csection at 36 weeks due to a ruptured splenic artery aneurysm. I went into a full code blue and as a last ditch effort had my chest cracked
opened to clamp the aorta to buy time to find the source of the bleeding. I received our 34 units of blood, plasma and cell products.
I also had a distal pancreatectomy and splenectomy. The road to recovery was rough and I fought taking any pain killers for a few years opting for sterold injections, epidurals and a tens unit. We consulted and considered cryro surgery thoracotmy pain and heat ablation procedure which were ruled out. I was told by the doctors who did my life saving surgeries that they "tore me up" but it did not set in right away. I finally gave into pain medications starting with Oxy 40 mg four times a day, liquid Oxy for break through pain my current regiment is a 100 mg Fentanyl patch changed every 48 hours and Hydromorphone 4 mg and or Actiq 600 mg for break thru pain. As well as wearing a Lidoderm patch over the incision that I change every 12 hours. My thoracotomy and ruptured aneurysm were ten years ago but the pain is with me at every step.
I hate the medications but will concede they have given me some life back. I have also take Welbutrin 300 xl and Xanax? The side effects of the medications are strong drowsiness, confusion, along with nausea severe constipation then colon spams. The severe depression and PTSD from the events I went through are always with me. To complicate things I find myself 22 weeks pregnant last year. To say I was in shock or hysterical was an understatement. The last time I had a baby I had died. The shame and guilt were overwhelming and locally I had no support from my doctors except one. All of the others wanted me to go to GA for a late term abortion. This after I had seen this innocent 21 week baby on a 3D ultrasound he was real. The guilt of the medications I had been on, the risk and worries.........not to mention I was now 40 years old.
Finally at UNC CHill they helped me and guided me. Our son was born 6 weeks early when my placenta abrupted and after a terrifying 911 call, ambulance ride and er csection he was born and was able tocome home after a month in the NICU. I am in a rough patch now. I have been bed bound for five weeks, my insurance company will not cover my pain dr of nine years or pay for any prescript
ions he writess anymore due to legal issues his former staff put him in. I have a hard time trusting doctors because one I saw before my current pain dr just had a way of making ou feel embarrassed about
these meds. I was and am already embarrassed and would not want anyone to know what I take.
My ltd insurance the Hartford after ten years has been following me and I think they will try to stop paying me. My dr gave me a survelliance tape they sent to him and it makes me so upset to seethe tactics they use. I feel lost, in pain, scared........I have tried to start cutting back on the pain meds on my own just because I won't be able to keep paying for my meds with out insurance covering this dr. I don't know how to find a new dr and am scared too after having the same dr for so long. Any ideas or suggestions anything? I will be so grateful! I found myself thinking dark thoughts again, the worst thoughts because I am facing so much and feel so weak.
I must find a new pain doctor which I dread, I worry about
money because of what the Hartford is doing...........I feel overwhelmed and just needed to get it out sorry if this pity party offends anyone. I know others have it worse but I must face life and I am so scared! I have been surprised about
how quickly I regressed it just goes to show these issues are always right below the surface. ...Here is the original link that you introduced yourself. The members can click on it to view it.
SE I also split up your post into paragraphs for easier reading for our members. Please take note and try to do the same in the future.
Post Edited By Moderator (Screaming Eagle) : 1/29/2012 7:48:08 PM (GMT-7)