"The Rules" and Alternate Universes

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/22/2012 3:06 PM (GMT -6)   
This is IowaBrian's wife. Here is the reply he received to his post begging for help with his chronic pain problem:

"Please read the forum rules about talk of self harm...If you are in trouble and feeling like this...please contact the national suicide hotline...

As well as we do not allow talk of illegal drug use...

It sounds like the THC was not prescribed to you by a Dr. as you say you got "caught" using this....

Unfortunately, if you are being prescribed narcotics by a Dr. and you choose to use illegal drugs...than yes, a drug test can catch this and it is their right to immediately take you off all medicine.

And now, the even more difficult part is that this will be on your medical records and make it very hard for any new Dr. to trust you with narcotics...

We are all on this site because we live with chronic pain....However, we have to abide by laws, as well as make life choices to do everything that a Dr. prescribes....

If you didn't feel that your pain was being controlled properly...than your choice is to talk with the Dr....or decide to leave that practice and find another.

What other things are you doing besides the medication to help with your pain?

Again...this is a great forum...but we do have rules to follow that are pretty easy....so if you would like to stay and share more of your story...it's important to read them over. We aren't Dr.s here...but other pain patients who can empathize with living in daily pain..."

The thread was locked so I couldn't reply there.

My husband (who doesn't do computers) asked me to find a place he could get some help. I found this forum and signed him up. He didn't know he was supposed to read "the rules" first. Unfortunately, it seem the person who replied to his plea for help lives in an alternate universe to the one we live in.

In our universe, working class people can't afford health insurance and so they rely on federally-funded, sliding scale fee health clinics. They don't have the luxury of changing doctors if they don't like the one they have.

In our universe, people living with chronic pain sometimes entertain the idea of ending their lives to end their misery. And sometimes when their medication isn't effective they look for alternatives, which are sometimes illegal (shocking!).

We don't need a forum where reality is ignored and one must hide the truth to get any help. We need a forum where people in pain can honestly share their struggles. This obviously isn't it.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 816
   Posted 2/22/2012 3:19 PM (GMT -6)   
The rules of this forum are exactly like people like you and your husband, I would venture to say, if you read any of the post, we are all working class people, some on disability with one income that barely pays the rent, let alone doctor shop.
I for one am offended by your presumption that we are all living with millions of dollars to throw around, you are correct though, this is not the place for people like you who judge without knowledge.
degenerative disc disease, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, neuropathy, lumbar laminectomy july 1998 no help, rechargeable neurostimulator unit low right back w/lead wires to left side and right leg unit not working just sitting there.i am 57 years young in may will turn 58. i have 2 grown daughters, 25 and 29. i have 2 grandchildren, 9 year old grandaughter and 5 yr. old grandson

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16760
   Posted 2/22/2012 3:27 PM (GMT -6)   
The member that responded to your husband was indeed trying to be as helpful as possible. Yes, this forum does have rules that has been set out by the administrator of this web site. The rules are enforced, that is what helps keep this a friendly and safe environment for people to come to and visit. With it being a public forum we never know the ages of people that come here and read these posts either and it is a family oriented site.

Your husband is more than welcome at this forum, however, he would be expected to honor the forum rules like everyone else here.
Moderator-Chronic Pain Forum

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 2/22/2012 3:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry that this isn't the board for you... the rules are put in place for a reason.

It doesn't mean we are living in an alternate universe. As Kathy said before me, I don't know where you got the idea that we are living in any other "world" than reality... and, by the way, most of us are "working class" people. There are many here w/out insurance.... and so forth.

Reality isn't hidden here... we talk about our reality every day. That being said, there are certain rules for posting that keeps it a safe, healthy place for everyone. One of the reasons (among others) is that there are minors that visit these forums....

I wish you luck in finding a forum that fits your needs better.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 3557
   Posted 2/22/2012 3:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, considering that reply was from me....(and thanks to my peeps for knowing my intentions!)....yes....I was absolutely trying to welcome him to the boards but show that he needed to follow the forum rules that are set for all of us to follow...

I have lived with pain for the last 11 years so that is why I said that I empathize with his pain...

I also do not have any health insurance....haven't for many years as I cannot work full time due to my health, and the price they quoted for me because of all my surgeries was close to $2000 a month...

So...I know you didn't care to find out but, I live in your universe....we all do on here...

And as I said...it's a wonderful forum...but it seems like you don't care for it here for your husband so I hope you all find a place that suits what you are looking for better...

And a BIG hug to my peeps on here for jumping in...you rock!
SB and "the pup who snores loudly" 
ACDF C5-C7, (no hardware), with autograft bone Nov. 2001
(reabsorption of bone 2 years later...still lost in body..expect to burp it out at anytime..haha")) 
ACDF with hardware, allograft bone Nov. 2005 
Anterior and Posterior CDF, allograft bone with BMP, removal of old hardware, use of titanium plates, rods, screws, & kitchen sink (lol) Oct 2006

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 2/22/2012 3:57 PM (GMT -6)   
IowaBrian's wife,

Sadly, the rules concerning medical marijuana on this forum reflect the frightening reality that the U.S. government pretends to be liberty.

In an alternate reality, where the U.S. government truly believed in personal liberty, the population in general as well as those with CP would not have to fear speaking about the introduction of various chemicals into their bodies.

But in this actual reality, with its particular bundle of hypocrisies and prejudices, personal liberty does not extend to how we might alter our brain chemistry, or whether in pursuit of happiness, we seek to reduce pain or other medical symptoms through the ingestion of certain plants.

In this actual reality, it is deemed good that we spend hundreds if not thousands a month to various corporate entities to find the relief that a plant anyone could grow might also offer.

The problem is not with this very helpful, welcoming, and informative forum. The problem is with our elected officials and their corporate masters. This forum, like our pain management doctors, must make sure that they steer clear of the DEA's power-mad thugs.

Your anger is legitimate, but misdirected. I'm sure that this forum can offer your husband support within its defined purview. However, there are many other places on the web for those other issues, which do deserve respect and attention.

So, let me suggest that you sign your husband up to a few different discussion forums. Insofar as he wants to talk about medical marijuana, there are forums for it; and forums for depression and suicide; but for other issues related to chronic pain, please don't discount this one. I've tried out three or four and find this to be the most active and most caring.
C4-T4 Scoliosis (disk degeneration, stenosis, narrowed neuroforamen, bone spurs), RT hip and SI joint damage from car accident. Also, pectus excavatum, supraventricular tacycardia and mitral valve prolapse syndrome.
Current meds: Ultram ER 300mg daily, breakthrough - hydrocodone 10-15mg, or oxycodone 5-7.5mg. .25-.5mg ativan as needed for sleep, Verapamil 240mg SR (for tachycardia). [/gray

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 816
   Posted 2/22/2012 5:15 PM (GMT -6)   
After reading everyone else's response to your post, I felt bad, I was angry that you insulted someplace that has been a lifeline for myself and many others.  But that being said, I was a bit harsh, and for that I am sorry, if your husband truly needs support with his many problems, and chronic pain is truly an awful disease to live with 24-7.  If there is any relief at all, its mostly fleeting.
But we are all living with it and when my daughter found this site for me last March, I felt like I had come home.  There was no constand explaining to anyone why I couldnt do this or that, or many of the things that I had enjoyed doing prior to becoming disabled.  I spent almost 2 years in bed getting up only to go to my doctor.  We all know how he feels.
So once again, I am sorry I was so harsh, I felt ashamed of myself after reading everyone else's post, which is the way I should have come across in the beginning.
Please take care, and I hope your husband will give the forum another chance.  The rules are not that difficult, I myself have the most problems with the rule about using well bad language.
degenerative disc disease, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, neuropathy, lumbar laminectomy july 1998 no help, rechargeable neurostimulator unit low right back w/lead wires to left side and right leg unit not working just sitting there.i am 57 years young in may will turn 58. i have 2 grown daughters, 25 and 29. i have 2 grandchildren, 9 year old grandaughter and 5 yr. old grandson

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 2/22/2012 5:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't want to add more fuel to the fire, so I will try to keep this as polite as possible.

I am sorry that this forum is not a good fit for you or your husband, simply because I know how informative, friendly, and caring the many members are here.

The many members here are all dealing with various health issues, chronic pain, health insurance woes, disability, financial troubles, and family issues. We are all humans here, and definitely not living in an alternate universe.

The reality is that the rules are clearly stated, along with the request for new members to take a moment and read the rules so that this specific type of event would not occur. It is not the fault of any one member here that the post did not follow the rules, and we are not responsible for the rules in place. It is no different than a doctor's office, where if it is found that you are using illegal drugs you can be discharged from the doctors care. You break a rule, there are consequences. Thinking that the rules don't apply is the alternate universe. Rules apply to everyone, and rules are everywhere.

I think Snowbunny did a great job at making sure the rules were clear and give some suggestions for places he can receive help for the emotional issues he is facing right now. I am sorry that it was taken badly. Many of us struggle with depression, anxiety, and thoughts of self harm, but this is not the place to receive help for thoughts of harming oneself.

Again, I am sorry that you were offended by the rules of this site. If that is something you cannot get past, then I pray you find what you are looking for. If it is something you can move beyond and agree to follow rules for posting, then I welcome you to this very informative, helpful, friendly and working class group of people suffering from chronic pain.

Retired Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 2/22/2012 6:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Rules are rules....good or bad. They make no exceptions for "special friends" and that is as it should be.

Our moderators and our members are some of the best you will find anywhere! We are always willing and eager to accept new members and would love to have you and/or your husband as long as you are eager and willing to follow the rules of the board.

If not, then you have made the decision to leave something you do not agree with and we respect that.

I hope you will find a good fit either here or with whatever forum you decide to join.
Failed TLIF L5-S1, Miltiple Bulges/Herniations, Scoliosis, Pituatary Disorder, Fibro, Failed Bladder Surgery, Failed Nissen, GERD, OCPD, GAD, MDD, CFS, TMJ, Migraines, HBP, Idiopatic Reactive Hypoglycemia w/Diabetic reaction to HGH, Bi-lateral CTS (now trigger finger), Edema, Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy, Plantar Fascitis, Tibular Tendonitis, Adult Onset Flat Feet, & Vision Issues
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