The power of one person

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 3/23/2012 7:21 PM (GMT -6)   
It never ceases to amaze me how many times I hear people say " I am just one person. What can one person do about (insert thing here)?" Well, I am just one person, and the last that I checked, I count, so I can do something right? And something is always better than nothing, or am I wrong?

I used my wheelchair for the first time out in public yesterday. The day before I fought myself and went to my appointments and shopping for new summer clothes at our local goodwill-type store, and just couldn't manage to get the errands and things I needed to do with my family on my feet. So we packed up the wheelchair and I used it. My husband and 2 boys were getting haircuts, so I wheeled myself down the mall to check out the ladies' department at a nice store to buy some of my underthings and the stockings I like, and to check out a shoe sale they were having. I thought I was being all independent, not just sitting and waiting for someone to push me. Well, the women in that intimates department all made me feel as though I had the plague or some catastrophic and contagious disease. One woman could clearly see I was struggling to get something off the rack, but just kept staring at me as though I was stealing. Many turned the other way huffing loudly when they saw they could not simply walk past me. One lady kept pulling her bag closer to her every time I came near, even if I was on the other side of the rack! It was amazing. When my hubby caught up with me and we shopped a little longer, even he noticed the reactions I was getting. I felt like my shame was on display for all to see. It was horrible, embarrassing, and made me angry. Our cashier at the end was kind, but the lady at the Elizabeth Arden counter completely ignored me, as did the Lancome makeover lady. I tried to ask a question and she completely blew me off for an older customer walking by. I waited, hoping to get my question asked, only to have the elderly lady she was helping go ga-ga because she couldn't find her store credit-card. Ladies behind me and the 2 behind the counter asked me if I saw it, as if I could even see behind the counter or the top of it. It was too high for me to see anything much but the display.

I don't think I will ever be shopping at that particular store again, for anything no matter the sale. I will find a new store that carries teh brand that I want. We even stopped at a Lowes home improvement store immediately after, and people were smiling at me and it was totally different atmosphere. I didn't feel looked down on at all.

It just goes to show that one person can make a difference. I apparently ticked off a bunch of nasty old women yesterday just by being myself!
Sorry, I have to make light of it or I will feel worse about myself. My self-esteem is suffering, and the last few days have really taken a toll. I don't want to use the wheelchair. It feels like failure. Extended family have made it clear that my lack of employment is something they don't appreciate, and I don't have the heart to even explore that right now. Just too much all at once.

Apparently I am hell on wheels in my awesome second-hand wheelchair! I have the power to weird out snotty and old women in department stores!

Hoping you are all doing well, with low pain and happy spring days.
Mindy
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw
Pelvic adhesive disease, IBS, SI dysfunction, arthritis, fibromyalgia, depression and anxiety, 11 pelvic surgeries for pain, adhesions, endometriosis, adenomyosis, ovarian cysts, and ovarian remnant syndrome.

momtofourangels
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2265
   Posted 3/23/2012 7:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mindy I'm sorry that those women treated you like that. *hugs* I use my wheelchair when we go out every time because we don't have a car and I can't walk very far. I have snide remarks and people staring at me. It used to bother me as it did you, but now it hardly bothers me any more. If you need that wheelchair, use it. It's none of their business.

I know it hurts. Take care sweety.

love and hugs
Loretta
Dx: osteoarthritis, bursitis in left hip, Osteoarthrits in right hip, compression fracture in thoracic spine due to falling on frozen ground March 2001 , ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, osteoarthritis in spine, osteoarthritis in both knees
Meds: Fentanyl patch, oxycodone, otc: BenGay, Tylenol Arthritis on occasion

flower123
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 856
   Posted 3/24/2012 5:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mindy. I'm sorry you went though that. That is just awful. I have to use a chair occasionally, and I find that people are either really kind, or the opposite. It's a shame. I try to ignore the ones who get huffy and irritated. If they ONLY KNEW!

Sending you hugs,

Flower

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 3/24/2012 11:47 AM (GMT -6)   
…Mindy…a little food for thought!…. If I went to Neiman Marcus in my work cloths, I would get the same reaction you got shopping in your wheelchair. You are going to find both types of people in life…some considerate and others with their nose so high in the air they risk nasal burn from the sun! smilewinkgrin

If you need a wheelchair, then use it, and don't worry about what other people think! You will never change how people react to you, and we can find this in almost every aspect of our lives. I could have tat's all over my body and attend church and get the same reaction. There are things we can do to avoid these encounters, and I agree we should not have to put up with them…however they do exists so don't be so surprised when it happens.

I myself am compassionate, but will not let hateful or indifferent people get me down. They are what they are! Be yourself and survive the best way you know how….keep a smile on your face and go about your business. My grandfather always told me "no matter how high we,... or others are in society …sooner or later we are all brought down to the same level." LOL

…..I'm not sure why you beat yourself up on these types of issues, and I understand the stress you have in your life, but again be yourself, and forget what others think about you.

The other thing I may suggest…is to maybe try the depression forum in learning to deal with some of these issues…and or counseling. The facts are, you suffer from CP and have a need to use the wheelchair…no shame in doing that,... so do as needed. The only person that got their feelings hurt was you…..and only you can allow that to happen. You have already labeled these types of individuals in your post…so you know who is in error here…..will or can you change that?….NO…but YOU!…. can change how you accept it or deal with it.

SE wink
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Weekly Quote!

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."

Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 3/24/2012 11:10:27 AM (GMT-6)


Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 3/24/2012 3:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Very good point SE! Thank you for the kick I needed to have to see the answer! You are awesome!

It also fits in with your quote. I am going to keep getting the counseling....when I take breaks for too long, I just keep slipping back into doubting myself.

Hope you are having a good day!

Screaming Eagle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 3/24/2012 4:16 PM (GMT -6)   
…Mindy….I have been there. Abused as a child….even in foster homes….and adopted with baggage. One of these days hopefully it will finally click for you….and you will live a happy productive life that is well with your soul. Above all….look at the woman in the mirror and deal with her…forget everyone else. Love what you have been given, deal with the burdens….and keep stepping up to higher ground. You will always have quicksand along the way….but stay on the path.

Hope that made sense! LOL

SE wink
Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Weekly Quote!

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 3/24/2012 5:06 PM (GMT -6)   
It does make sense my friend. Thank you for that. The reminders help when I slip up and fall backward. I need to pick myself back up and just keep going. Looking back does nothing but keep me from going forward, and nothing changes that way, just miss what is going on right around you. Quicksand is easy to beat if you stop struggling and relax, right?

You always makes sense silly! turn
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, September 22, 2018 7:21 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,005,753 posts in 329,260 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161800 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Envsciguy.
289 Guest(s), 8 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Darwayne, BossJ, Girlie, Redwing57, Q22, InTheShop, beave, Dodgegrl_02