Dumbest things Medical Professionals say... ALL IN GOOD FUN

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Retired Mom
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 4/6/2012 5:14 AM (GMT -6)   
First, I am not a moderator and if this is inappropriate, please remove it and I won't repost.  I just thought it might be fun to do a dumbest things list.
 
Another member posted something her "new" dr said that was honestly very dumb IMHO....It got me to thinking of the "lighter" side of our medical situations and I thought I'd start a thread .....all in good fun.... about the dumbest things our medical professionals have done/said so we could get a good laugh.
 
Probably one of the dumbest things for me was when they PM nurse told the whole office how I was really nervous about giving "that sample" for my drug screen when I had just had bladder surgery 3 days before.  I coudn't have hit a 5 gallon bucket....let alone a 2 inch cup.  I told her after that she was welcome to hold the cup for me if she thought it would help shocked but she didn't take me up on it.  Needless to say, the Dr disposed of the sample and waited a while...since he had been the anestisiologist (sp?) for the procedure.  They also got bigger cups after that smilewinkgrin

sjkly
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2113
   Posted 4/6/2012 6:00 AM (GMT -6)   
My dumbest one requires way too much back story to fully appreciate it but, basically, my GP told me I almost certainly had RA so she sent me to a rhuematology clinic. Spent an hour with a med student then a resident.
Attending physician comes in and announces "So, I see you have gout."
I gave him The Look, the one that says you are too stupid to breath, then I asked "Did you read my file?" without bothering to hide the I think you are dumb attituted.
He left the room without saying anything else, came back 5 minutes later and said, "I see you were just diagnosed with RA." in a sort of diffident voice.
On subsequent visits to the clinic I asked for a different doctor.

Chartreux
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Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 4/6/2012 10:06 AM (GMT -6)   
I had one PM doctor tell me 'You can't have more than 2 autoimmune diseases." I left that
Doctor....I really wonder where the heck he got his Medical degree at so I can avoid Doctor's
coming from that School....Geezee, really...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

CRPSpatient
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1276
   Posted 4/6/2012 6:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Oooh, I've got a few of these...

I had a bad flare with my gastroparesis last year, and after a discussion with my GI doctor decided that we'd put the much-hated NJ tube back in to get me through the rough patch.

Had the dietician come to assess me - she was a bit of a ditz anyway and I didn't like her. Quite funny in itself because she was so annoying I wanted to smack her and told my GI that - and he couldn't get it out of his head every time he spoke to her (LOL). She says she'll be back the next day, after the tube's been put in.

NJ isn't like an NG tube - it's generally done with a scope, so I was taken to theatre, knocked out... and woke up with no tube and my very embarrassed doctor by my side apologising because the nobody had actually checked first that there was a scope the right size available before I'd been put out.

So - dietician comes back later in the day to get feeding started, looks at me and says "I assume the tube has gone in okay?". I said "Oh yes, they're using invisible ones these days - do you like it?". How can you miss whether or not someone has a tube sticking out their nose? *sigh*

----

My GP sent me to the ER a few years ago because my potassium had fallen dangerously low after a gastroparesis flare. Doctor examining me tried to tell me that my gastroparesis was caused by "all those bits of metal (my SCS and pump) floating around in my abdomen and compressing my stomach". Didn't want to listen to me telling her that they're actually under the skin.

----

Not dumb, but funny

Dermatologist looking at my leg ulcer recently, and trying to tell me I'd been scratching it: "If I was a forensic pathologist, I'd be telling you that those are scratch marks." Me: "Are you a forensic pathologist?" Cue deadly silence...

----

And a stupid thing done, rather than said... will never forget the ER doctor sending my Dad off to buy a bottle of Coke to try to 'unblock' me one night (was never going work - the end of it had kinked - and I'd told him that I'd already spent 6 hours at home trying to unblock it myself). Doctor pumping NJ tube full of Coke at high pressure = Coke explosion all over doctor. Serve him right for not listening!!

Laura
Moderator - Chronic Pain Forum

Full body CRPS with spasms, dystonia & contractures, gastroparesis, orthostatic hypotension,bradycardia/tachycardia, bursitis, CTS, osteoporosis, multiple compression fx, disc bulges.

Oxycodone ER/IR, Topamax, Mobic, Somac, Cipramil, Midodrine, Vit D & C, SCS, baclofen/bupivacaine pump

fireflyhillary
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2012
Total Posts : 148
   Posted 4/6/2012 7:31 PM (GMT -6)   
The dumbest thing I've been told was when the Nurse Practitioner at my Pain Dr's office told me that I had to be addicted to Percocet before they would consider putting me on an extended release or long acting pain medication. o_O
Current: DDD L4-S1, Arthritis L4-S1, Facet Syndrome, Interstitial Cystitis, Vulvodynia, Restless Leg Syndrome, Bi-polar, IBS, Fibromyalgia, PTSD. In past 6 months have had epidurals, facet blocks and radiofrequency ablation.
Past: Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. 3 laparoscopies, 2 cystoscopies, total hysterectomy, appendix & gallbladder removal.

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 4/6/2012 8:32 PM (GMT -6)   
The stupidest thing I ever had a doctor say to me was "Because I am the doctor and you are the patient. I don't have to explain my thinking to you."

The 2nd most stupid thing I was told and this by a nurse: "You can't fire a doctor." This after I fired the above doctor.

The 3d most stupid thing, also told to me by a nurse: "If a doctor orders it you have to do it. You can not refuse tests or treatments." This after I refused to let them insert and NG tube. Told the doctor who ordered it the only way that was going to happen is if I was heavily sedated first. Told the nurse the same thing and also told the nurse if anyone came into my room with one I would file assault charges.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.

ReactiveConstellationNE
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 256
   Posted 4/6/2012 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Chartreux said...
I had one PM doctor tell me 'You can't have more than 2 autoimmune diseases." I left that
Doctor....I really wonder where the heck he got his Medical degree at so I can avoid Doctor's
coming from that School....Geezee, really...


Classic.

ReactiveConstellationNE
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 256
   Posted 4/6/2012 8:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Jim1969 said...
The stupidest thing I ever had a doctor say to me was "Because I am the doctor and you are the patient. I don't have to explain my thinking to you."

The 2nd most stupid thing I was told and this by a nurse: "You can't fire a doctor." This after I fired the above doctor.

The 3d most stupid thing, also told to me by a nurse: "If a doctor orders it you have to do it. You can not refuse tests or treatments." This after I refused to let them insert and NG tube. Told the doctor who ordered it the only way that was going to happen is if I was heavily sedated first. Told the nurse the same thing and also told the nurse if anyone came into my room with one I would file assault charges.


Gotta love the Borg types...."Resistance is Futile. You will be assimilated." It never ceases to amaze me how many people actually convince themselves that these sorts of things are true.....the sad part is that some patients actually let themselves be treated like cattle that way.

ReactiveConstellationNE
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 256
   Posted 4/6/2012 9:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Here's one for you guys......

There aren't many rheumatologists here in Maine, which is ironic given the large elderly population. The few that are here, seem content to serve the usual textbook cases of osteo and rheumatoid arthritis, maybe a psoriatic arthritis here and there, but once you start getting into the spondyloarthropathies (Ankylosing Spondylitis, Reiter Syndrome/Reactive Arthritis, etc etc) this just seems to zoom right over their heads. It's like they refuse to crack a book and learn anything new since they graduated from medical school in the 70's.

To date, I have only seen one rheumatologist in person because of this; I desperately need to find one in Boston or maybe try another one of the few that are here in Maine and pray that I can find one who isn't as much of a (I'm not even going to bother to come up with the right word because if it were properly fitting, it would be obscenely and hideously offensive) as the first....

I go into his office, and he sits down with me, having read my file (skimmed it more likely given the type of lazy, uncaring, assembly-line clown we're talking about here), and we go over the most obvious basics of my case. I remark that because Reiter Syndrome is triggered by infection(s), in my case multiple antibiotic-resistant Staph infections with signs of an ongoing "simmering" presence of the pathogen in my system, I believe myself to be a poor candidate for DMARD/immune-supressant treatments like Humira, Enbrel, Methotrexate, etc.

Then, he immediately remarks with the rudest possible tone, "Well you can prescribe yourself immune suppressants because I am not willing to do so." (his actual phrasing was even more rude than that but I don't remember the exact words anymore)

Um.....I just said I don't think immune suppressants are a good idea in my case!

And it only went downhill from there.

NiNi53
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 816
   Posted 4/6/2012 9:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Laura, those things those doctors and nurses said tops all the dumb things I think I have ever heard in my life.  Its kinda scary itsnt it, our very lives are in these peoples hands.  Frightening.
 
Well my dumbest doctor statement to me was (and this was at the beginning when I was still 5'9 and weighted about 145-150 ls.  As he stared at my chest the entire time he was talking to me and said to me"you need to losed weight and swim, then you will be fine", and he was a neurosurgeon.  My answer to him was, "they dont talk (meant my breasts as thats all he was staring at as he spoke to me) if you want to lift your eyes up and speak to me, I might respond.  At which time he became very flustered and whisked me out of his office, with a strong hint not to come back.  As if I would have.  The man was a pervert.
 
Take care all,
Kathy
degenerative disc disease, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, neuropathy, lumbar laminectomy july 1998 no help, rechargeable neurostimulator unit low right back w/lead wires to left side and right leg unit not working just sitting there.i am 57 years young in may will turn 58. i have 2 grown daughters, 25 and 29. i have 2 grandchildren, 9 year old grandaughter and 5 yr. old grandson

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 4/7/2012 3:20 AM (GMT -6)   
I probably have lots to add, but my brain is not functioning well at this hour.....lol....

but you all made me laugh! Some of those were classic.... Kathy, I think I might have visited that "same" doctor, lol. Been there, done that.

--Tina
Moderator - Chronic Pain Forum

My faith and family sustain me even on my worst days... as well as my wonderful friends here at HW.

Health/Pain Issues - too many to list; feel free to ask

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 4/7/2012 4:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Another Dumb one to add to the list..a well respected allergist in my area had tested me for everything in the book and had decided I was allergic to "everything" and needed medication. He prescribed allegra (to which I knew I was allready allergic and had documentation from my PCP). He told me NOBODY could be allergic to allegra and that I was making it up. He INSISTED I take the allegra before leaving his office and when I got to work (about 45 minutes later), I was shaking uncontrollably. I went in and the shaking progressed to the point that I could not walk normally or even speak without my voice shaking to the point of being impossible to understand.

The boss insisted someone drive me back to the Dr immediately and he did see me. He still insisted that I was making it up and ask "are you having problems at home?" My response was "No, I'm having problems with allegra". Needless to say, it was my last visit with that Dr (good reputation or not).
Failed TLIF L5-S1, Miltiple Bulges/Herniations, Scoliosis, Pituatary Disorder, Fibro, Failed Bladder Surgery, Failed Nissen, GERD, OCPD, GAD, MDD, CFS, TMJ, Migraines, HBP, Idiopatic Reactive Hypoglycemia w/Diabetic reaction to HGH, Bi-lateral CTS (now trigger finger), Edema, Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy, Plantar Fascitis, Tibular Tendonitis, Adult Onset Flat Feet, & Vision Issues

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2859
   Posted 4/7/2012 5:22 AM (GMT -6)   
There was a period of time when I didn't have any health insurance so I walked into an Urgent Care and asked for a thyroid test.  My mother had Hashimoto's Disease and I was having some of the same symptoms and wanted to get checked out without having to go through the million dollar physical my doctors office.  So...a doctor who looked like he slept in the trunk of his car walked in...I tell him my concerns.  How does he manually check my thyroid gland?  He takes a flashlight and a tongue depressor and looks down my throat.  Are you kidding me?  Then he says my thyroid looked enlarged..  I'm no medical professional but even I know you can't see your thyroid gland by looking down your throat.  I started to laugh, thinking this was a joke.  Nope.  He sent me to an endocronologist after asking me if anyone in my family had Thyroid cancer and scaring the crap out of me.  Is the stupidity done yet?  Hardly.  I go to the endocronologist and the first thing he says is 'you need a breast exam before I order blood tests.'  Huh? What has that got to do with my thyroid?  He does the exam and says that my left breast feels 'dense'.  Now I am worrying about Thyroid AND breast cancer.
 
The long and short of it...no Hashimoto's and no breast cancer.  I reported the Urgent Care doctor...it turns out he was on probation for being drunk at his former job as an ER physician in a hospital. They put him in an Urgent Care to earn back his rights to go back to the ER.  Sweet. The endocronologist is probably still giving breast exams just for the thrill of it all...maybe his wife just 'doesn't understand him'...who knows?
 
It would have been cheaper to just go to my regular doctor in the first place.  Don't cut corners! 
 
Donna
 
 

Jacey86
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2012
Total Posts : 124
   Posted 4/12/2012 4:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Right after I had my first baby (Years ago) and was still in the hospital the intern came in to talk to me. His first question "have you had a period lately?"

I wondered if he was in his High School Health Class or something.
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