You know LexiRae we all need to have goals in our life, and I think yours are terrific, I am sure it is very difficult for you sometimes, but from what you have written I think you have a really good "Head" on your shoulders and have a firm grasp of what it will take for you to be successfull. You will make, and you have all our support attaining your goals!
I think "sucking it up" can have a negative side affect too, I also do that, and it sounds like you do not want to show your pain to others, I think that is pretty common for allot of us with chronic pain, and especially when your having those terribly painful muscle spasms! The bad thing is, by doing that, ( not showing the pain and how bad the muscle spasms really are) People ( especially family) just don't get it when we try telling them how painfull things really are for us! We are telling them one thing but they are seeing something completely different! They do not see the pain we are feeling because we hide it from them! Soooooo we are giving them mixed signals! what should they believe ?????? I do it to, and then I get aggravated when they don't seem to care, or believe or understand when I tell them about my pain and how it affects me!! It took me along time to realize that! But I too, still hide my pain and want to be alone when I am having a bad time with spasms! I get them every where but especially when I get spasms in my throat and I wretch and gag, and the muscles in my neck tighten up something fierce, it is so very painfull, but immediately I try to hide and get away from every one so they don't see this happening. I mean I think it is embarrassing to have people see me be bent over wretching and having extreme pain with needles and pins and electric type shocks going through my upper chest and upper back! I do not want people to see me like that! But really without them ever seeing it happen, how can they understand what I am trying to tell them about????? Maybe it would be helpful especially with your family and loved ones, if they seen you when your really having a rough time of it with your spasms and pain. Something maybe to ponder and think about???
Anyway I do understand what you have said, and I can really empathize! I guess it is a problem that really doesn't have any easy solutions. But I do think it helps to talk about it, with people that can understand. It does for me anyway! LOL It is aggravating LexiRae, I guess we can all just be aggravated to together, at least we are not alone feeling this way!
Moderator Chronic Pain
After spending nearly 22 1/2 years in the USAF, I retired in Sept, 1991. I then went back to school and became a licensed RN in 1994, and I worked on Oncology and then a Med Surg Unit, I became disabled in late 1999 and was approved SSD in early 2002!-- DDD, With herniated Disk at T-12 and L4-5. C5-C6 ACDF in Sep 2009, C6-C7 ACDF in Mar 1985, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications:Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV I am White Beard with a White Beard!