Thanks for all the replies everyone.
I have been going to a pain management clinic for the past 5.5 years or so, and they have done next to nothing in the way of "management", all they are is a prescription pad to write out narcotics. You see the doctor for about 5-10 rushed minutes once every 3-6 months (pointless). I've seen several psychologists and have worked on my anxiety disorders as good as they are ever going to get living in this lifestyle. I have done over 350 hours of CBT and DBT with therapists 1on1. The skills may help my anxiety pretty well, depression if I didn't have physical health issues, but I do. As long as I am feeling sick and incapacitated my depression will never go away. I may get like 3-4 months of a break and then return to the darkest depths of hell. I don't want to go back and I refuse to go on another 50 years of living like this, not worth it to me.
In addition to my pain doc, I see a pediatrician who specializes in ADD treatment, an endocrinologist/urologist, an orthopedic surgeon, and a GP. I've given far more effort than any person could be reasonable expected to give into these treatments. I've taken over 90 different pharmaceutical medications so far, if anyone wants the list, just ask and I'll send it. The ones I am currently on however are: Lyrica, Dilaudid, Fentanyl patches, Clonazepam, Ondansetron, Paxil, and an antihistamine for my allergies as well as occasional use of inhalers for my asthma. All my medications (except antihistamines and OTC stuff) are covered by disability, so that I don't have to pay for them.
Any one of my illnesses on their own would not seem like much of a problem to give up over, but when you combine everything together, it seems next to impossible. When I take time to work on one illness and get that into remission, 3 of the other illnesses get far worse. I've found that whenever I get very ill physically, that is when my mood plummets and hopelessness sets in. So treating my depression on its own will do nothing.
I would like to work on my body by increasing my muscle mass, exercising more, getting the right nutrients and supplements, as well as fixing my diet. I am always skinny, don't have enough energy, and I know if I did what this work I would like to do, I know that BOTH my mental and physical health would improve. I wouldn't be as tired anymore, sleep would be corrected from routine and exercise, more energy from exercising and improved diet, my mental health would improve from exercise, proper nutrition, as well as improved confidence, these set of changes should also solve my appetite/weight problems, and best of all, I think my pain would decrease. I could ACTUALLY have a life. I am just trying to figure out how to go about doing so...
I've thought about making friends with someone who is into body building, I have access to my college's gym, I would still need a proper meal plan and diet though and be able to acquire enough food for this task. My metabolism is already extremely high, I need to eat like 3 times that of a regular person for my activity level as it is, just so I maintain my weight.
As for living on my own, I have tried that, I just get lonely, depressed, am unable to keep up with housework or being able to grocery shop when I am feeling ill, etc. I have roommates right now, but I don't really speak to them even though they are friendly, and I CAN'T really see anyone of them helping me out so. I have thought about possibly getting a personal support worker from disability to help out, iunno. As for my father, he is an angry and unhappy man who cannot control his mouth nor his hands. I've called the cops before and they were just as useless. The only reason I live here is because my mother is able to do the grocery shopping and its not complete utter loneliness when I get to talk to her. I certainly don't stick around for my father's sake.
I know walking would be good for me, but I hate walking around in my neighbourhood, I feel ugly and unconfident with my looks. I hate seeing people I know, and I hate being heckled by cars driving by. Having these things happen to me just forces my social anxiety to get worse. The YMCA is actually more expensive than the fitness centers I've considered joining. I enjoy swimming but once again am too shy/anxious to go be around others right now with how I look. I end up having panic attacks or being sick to my stomach. Once I start to work on my body, I would eventually like to go swimming at my college or university's pool.