At the moment I'm hurting and I guess I just want to vent. I feel like I can't stand this anymore! It's frustrating. Of course I can stand it--what choice do I have? lol
4 yrs ago I had a colon resection due to Stage 0 cancer which is gone. Amusingly some other cancer survivors told me I have absolutely nothing to complain about
. Well I am not claiming my cancer was comparable to theirs--I'm not into competitions anyway--but omg ever since I've been having really bad pain. I had no gut pain before the surgery. I've had a few scopes since then and the dr says the surgical site is causing the pain. I have a pretty high threshold for pain but the severe/chronic nature of this is just really getting to me. I kept thinking if I just get this right or that right or wait more it will resolve. Now I'm giving up that idea.
What have I tried, you ask? ;)
I've had to totally change my diet because everything causes constipation. Even if I stick to the foods that work for me, when I eat too much in one sitting, I'm in pain again. And many times I've done all I'm "supposed to" do and still there's pain.
The pain ranges from moderate to my vision blackening. I think once I fainted from it (not recently). I say "I think" because I am really great at meditation--I do it automatically when the pain hits, I just shut down kinda--so I wasn't sure if I fell asleep or not.
Exercising helps, allegedly, but I can't tell the difference. I can't take pain medication due to other health problems (except Tylenol which is worthless). I'm under the care of several doctors and have talked about
What else have I tried...let's see...drinking warm beverages, warm compresses, cold compresses, swearing. lol Perhaps talking about
it w/others who understand will help me; I don't expect you to have answers I guess, but perhaps camaraderie and coping tips will help.
I'm truthfully so frustrated after years of this, I practically cried at work recently. I am NOT the crying type either. I was just so sick of it. I am about
ready to see the dr again and ask for the low-dose of antidepressants they give to people with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Even though I don't have that...supposedly it dulls pain in the gut. And other side effects galore.
Not sure if I can even take that medicine due to other medical problems...and truthfully I don't want the stigma of taking an antidepressant. That's an ugly thing for me to say but there it is...it's true...there's a stigma.
I'm even planning to move to a smaller home just so I don't have as much housework to do. I just can't keep up like I used to.
A question for you all...when I'm in this pain funk, I experience something I'm not sure I can fully explain. I feel the sharp pains and cramps at first, and after a while, I know in my brain I'm still in pain but I have the notion my brain is blocking part of it. Not sure if that makes sense? I am still disabled by it, don't want to move around much or eat, etc., and I'm feeling it on some level...thoughts?
Sorry, this post is so rambling...