Going thru a difficult time.

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millymilan
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 6/19/2012 7:38 PM (GMT -6)   

I am going thru a difficult time right now and need some feedback. I see the doctor tomorrow. I am depressed about being in pain all the time 24/7 and not having the life I use to have. I use to be able to walk outside but due to leg pain from arthritis I cannot go very far.  And I have back pain so I am limited on the activities I once was able to do too. I ‘m able to use a wheeled walker. But still have limited mobility issues. I went to PT today and had a crying session instead because of my limits. I am also having a fibromyalgia flare up going on which does not help matters. I know I have to be patient and let the pain clinic do their work to help me.  I have only been going to the pain clinic for 2 months now. I have to make a new life for myself now than the one I had which included the work I did. I was a nurse, but due to my illnesses I became disabled in Oct of 2011. So it is still new to me. My illnesses include degenerative disc disease of the lumbar spine – MRI findings bulging disc of lumbar spine except L5-S1 very large herniated disc with displaced nerve root. Osteoarthritis , fibromyalgia, bipolar II , PTSD and Anxiety.  


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3694
   Posted 6/19/2012 8:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Milly you know I can really relate to what your going through, after I retired from the Air Force I went back to school and became an RN. I loved it! I had finally found my calling in life. But it was short lived! I was only a nurse for 5 or 6 years, and then a herniated and torn disk at T12 ended my all to short nursing career. I was devastated, I was in so much pain, I could not work, and since it was a thoracic disk they would not touch it with surgery. I was put on pain meds to keep me some what comfortable and told I needed to go on disability! It is hard, very very very hard! I will tell you over time you will adjust, I will not tell you that you will ever like it, because I doubt that you ever will, I don't! But we are a very adaptable and we can and do adapt to even the most difficult situations. It might take time, but for right now it sounds like they need to get your pain under some kind of reasonable control! It is all right to come here, and vent we all need to do that every once in awhile. All the people here really helped me and I am sure we can help you. At least we are here to listen and support you!
I do wish you well and hope that you will find inner peace!
 
White Beard

Kaely
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 619
   Posted 6/19/2012 9:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Milly I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I understand how frustrating it is to not be able to do things you used to do. I can't even walk more than a few feet. My doc wants me to use a walker instead of crutches. I'm resisting that. Mostly because I'm stubborn and hate the idea of needing a walker.

I hope you find some relief soon. *hug*
Chronic pain, Depression, Fibromyalgia, Tennis Elbow (both arms), Arthritis (knees and fingers), Diabetes. Ruptured disk L-4, Severe degenerative damage L5-S1, ACDF C6-C7

millymilan
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 6/20/2012 6:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your support. I think I am grieving the life I use to have. That includes the activity levels I use to have. I have these mobility issues. Like White Beard, I worked when they did not have the fancy mechanical lift to lift patients. They came out later and I was already was having back problems. I also have knee problems. I need to get a new life. I really can't get back to the old life . The doctor told me I will be a different person in a year from now. I admit I am not a patient. I like things to happen quickly. I have to learn to learn this trait in my new life. I am using my wheeled walked more as that is what pt gave me to use. I am doing my exercises to strenthen my back and knees. So I just need to get the pain under controll.I see the doctor today and we'll be discussing this today. I need to take care and focus on my recovery. I had a fibro flare at the start of the week and it still is effecting me. Our weather has been stormy, so my fibro has been unstable. Again thanks for all your support. I means so much to me.

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 6/20/2012 8:35 AM (GMT -6)   

 

   Millymilan,...good luck to you today,..... and I hope your Dr/PM can get your pain under control. Please post back and let us know how it went.

    Take care,

        SE wink


Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Weekly Quote!

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 16274
   Posted 6/20/2012 11:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Milly, I posted yesterday to you on a thread you had going. In that post I told you about my psychologist explaining how we can grieve for many things when faced with a life altering experience, whether its an illness, injury or accident that has caused the situation. Grieving is a normal process.

Since you will be seeing your dr tomorrow let him know how depressed you are and perhaps he can put you on something to help with the depression. Many times that helps with our pain level too. If you need to seek professional help don't be reluctant in doing so, only the strong can survive this life. Acceptance and making peace with this life is a long drawn out process, we go through a lot of steps.

I hope the appt goes well with your dr...Take care...Susie
Moderator, Chronic Pain Forum & Psoriasis Forum

millymilan
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 6/20/2012 5:46 PM (GMT -6)   
I went to see the Nurse Pract. She talked to me about my depression some. She did not really talk much about the increased pain I was having. She thought I was using the narcotic pain medication for break thru pain too much. But she did not change any of my medications. Yes, I am having break thru pain!!! I am having more pain and when I told her about it she changed the subject on me. I really did not like her at all and when it came time to make another appointment I chose to make it with another provider. This time to a PA that I saw before and liked. The PA did more for me that this nurse Pract, did. I am a nurse too and it just seemed that this nurse pract. was not on the ball about some things she was telling me. I hate to be fussy but it is my health. I do see a therapist every two week for my bipolar II anyway. So I feel I am covered that way. I did not get to see that doctor at all either.

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3694
   Posted 6/20/2012 10:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Good for you Milly! Allot of nurses, yes and even nurse Pract. do not know that much about treating pain unless they have been specifically trained in it, or have had some experience in working with patients that have problems with extreme pain. This goes for allot of Doctors too! I have found most Oncology nurses and doctors are much more well versed in treating patients with lots of pain, just for the fact that usually cancer patients experience extreme amouts of pain. Generally speaking cancer especially in its later stages is extremely painful!  So I think you are right not wanting to go back and see this nurse pract. I just hope that this PA is better and more knowledgeable about the treatment of pain! In my book you definitely did the right thing!
 
White Beard

CRANKY 1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 617
   Posted 6/21/2012 7:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Milly,
 
Boy, are we two peas in a pod.  Our medical issues are very similar and I, too, struggle daily with the depression that comes with mourning the loss of the life I used to have.  I am divorced with no children, on disability due to chronic migraines, a bad back and knees, depression, and panic/anxiety disorder.  I used to be married, with a career I enjoyed, and lived in a big, four bedroom house with my husband and my dog.  Now I'm down to a two bedroom apartment with three cats.  I make the joke that I'm just one bad relationship away from owning 50 cats, and sadly I'm only half-kidding.
 
about a month ago, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me out of the blue, so yet again I'm all alone and looking at an uncertain future.  Living only on my disability income does not afford me the luxury of doing much going out and socializing, so the chances of me meeting someone new are fairly limited.  The thought of spending the rest of my life alone fills me with dread, especially since I'm physically so miserable a good portion of the time.  A lot of people have a bucket list of things/activities they want to do before they die.  I have a mental list of things I'll probably never get to do during the rest of my life, like live in my own home, plan and take a real vacation, have grandkids, shop for new furniture, have a birthday party, use all my Christmas decorations, plant a garden, get snowed in with my significant other...and so forth.  As much as I love my cats, they aren't very good a curling up and holding me when I'm sad or in pain like a life partner.
 
My life did get a little better yesterday, as I finally convinced my primary care physician to increase my pain meds to a more comfortable level.  I've been fighting that battle for three years now, so I guess that's at least SOME progress.  Today is the first day I haven't felt like complete crap in a long time, so maybe there's some hope on other fronts.  My shrink upped my evening meds too yesterday, so that hopefully I'll be able to sleep better, since I pretty much haven't been doing that at all lately.
 
Milly, if you ever want someone to talk to, I'm usually available night or day.  If you're interested, send me an email at leighannbw@aol.com and I'll send you my phone number so we can chat and commiserate.  I know sometimes it just helps to talk to someone when you're feeling bad.
 
Leigh Ann cool
•On Disability for: Chronic Migraines, serious Back and Knee problems (will need surgery eventually), moderate Depression, Anxiety/Panic disorder, TMJ, stomach problems
•Divorced, 46, spawn-free

"THE WEATHER IS HERE, I WISH YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL." -Jimmy Buffett

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 6/21/2012 8:48 AM (GMT -6)   

 

   Milly, I glad to see that you are advocating for yourself. It sounds like you made the right choice. Keep plugging away at it until you get results for a better quality of life.

 I wish you the best, and hope you finally get the care you deserve.

       SE


Moderator Chronic Pain Forum

Weekly Quote!

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward."

millymilan
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2012
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 6/22/2012 4:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I am feeling better about things and seeing things in a postive light. I am glad I advocated for my self with the nurse pract. If we are paying so much for good treatment then we should be getting good treatment. I had an 11:20 a.m. appoint. t ime and did not get out of there until 1:30. I was doing alot of waiting. I saw the nurse pract. for only 15 min. at the most. I talked to her nurse more than her!! Right now I am focusing my thought on a new direction for my life. and I am taking small steps to change things. I think that is the best for me.
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