I'm new to this site and just from looking around think it maybe what I need. I have been through a lot in the last 9 years and at the end of my rope.
I was diagnosed 20 years ago with Fibromyalgia after having several surgeries that didn't resolve the pain issue. When I went for my initial appointment I had significant response to all of the pressure points they checked. Doctor was surprised I had suffered so long without much complaining. I truly believe that I have had this since I was in my early teens. I am use to being in pain all the time, it just got worse the older I got. I suffer from severe depression, post tramatic stress disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Failed Back Surgery Disorder, Arthritis, Drop Foot (no control of my right leg from the knee down), migraines, menopause and let's not forget Glaucoma. Did I mention I am only 46. I have had 4 back surgeries to date and live in constant pain.
I recently did a trial with a neurostimulator and had wonderful results and went for the permanent thing. That was 3 months ago and finding the pain relief isn't as good as the trial was but still better than what it was. I have been on so many different meds and dealt with all of the stuff like side effects, not working, wondering how to pay for it etc. Currently on Methadone and it seems to be helping and the side effects aren't as bad as say the Oxycontin.
Needless to say I deal with pain day in day out and it has effected my life so much. I no longer work because I never know from one day to the next how I am going o feel. Then there is all of the doctor's appointments, employers aren't very forgiving when you are taking time off continually for dr.'s appointments or you're having a bad day.
My biggest problem though is my husband. He just doesn't get it and after 9 years I don't know how to get it through to him. He refuses to go to doctor's appointments with me. My psychiatrist has been asking for 10 years for him to come in and talk with him and he hasn't done it and refuses to go ever. He doesn't understand why I am depressed. He thinks I should be happy as I don't have to work every day. I really like being home day in day out alone, no one to talk with, no social activities, no income or sense of being useful but hey he says I shouldn't be depressed.
I have had multiple surgeries that left me with restrictions afterwards. But he doesn't help out at all around the house. My last surgery the restrictions were for 3 months, no heavy lifting nothing over 5 pounds, no bending, lifting, twisting etc. usual restricitions after back surgery. Do you think he helped around the house, well I guess if you consider doing the floors twice in 3 months helping then he did. Or clean the bathroom at all in the 3 months. I am so frustrated with him. He doesn't understand my pain, he won't listen when I try to talk with him, he thinks I am whining or too high from the meds. I try to get him to talk with the doctors but that's a no go too.
I am stumped what to do next. Because I have been home for 3 years now, not working and it seems I spend more time with doctors than anyone else I have become isolated. What few friends I had have gone by the way side as I never seem to be well enough to go out, or they are frustrated with my husband and his attitude. My family all live out of town. So I feel isolated and alone and that no one really understands me or cares. He says I'm crazy and that I am making a big deal out of nothing but to me it is something. I've thought about
leaving him, but I have no where to go, no one to help me, and if I leave I loose my benefits and with my meds running close to $3,000 a month that's an issue. (most of my drugs aren't covered by government programs).
I feel useless and he doesn't help make me feel better. I admit there are times I am suicidal because I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, things are getting worse instead of better. I know he is emotionally abusive but he says so what, that it's me that I am too sensitive. I've tried talking with his family but they don't want to get involved.
Am I going crazy, or am I being to sensitive, or are the meds messing me up? How do I get him to understand that my entire body hurts and it is usually most of the time. I try not to whine and complain, I gave up telling him what happened at the doctors because he doesn't listen or remember what I told him. As long as I get his meals, do his laundry, basically take care of him like a child and perform my wifely duties when he wants everything is fine according to him.
How do I go forward? How do I get him to understand what it is like living with pain 24 hours a day? or if he were to help me more maybe I wouldn't hurt so much? How do I get him to understand? I can't even say I love him anymore, I tolerate him but due to my issues packing up and leaving is just too difficult and no matter how many times I tell him to leave he won't. Any suggestions would be appreciated, is there anyone else who has no family support and how do you cope?
Post Edited (Amethystlover) : 5/10/2013 9:03:36 AM (GMT-6)