Posted 6/23/2013 5:36 PM (GMT -7)
I agree with all the sentiments posted above by the others here, some great advice.
An old boss of mine back when I was new in the business world, said something to me that has stuck all these years (I am 60 now). He said, you can either let things happen to you, or make things happen for you. It's your life you are talking about, not your family's. It's for you to take charge, and set the ground rules. If they can live with your rules and standards for yourself, fine, if not, take it for what it is worth.
I am always envious of those that have good, close, and loving families. I am not in one of those. My immediate family (wife, kids, grand kids) are wonderful. But, the rest of my family, are all but strangers to me, and has been that way for the past 30 years.
I have an older brother and sister in CO, I have zero contact with. Only seen them each, twice in the past 20 years, and that was too often. Once was at my father's funeral 20 years ago. I have a younger brother that lives less than 7 miles from me, if I see or talk to him twice a year, that's too often.
My relationship with my mother, who is 86 and lives 6 miles away, is more a relationship of responsibility and obligation on my end. She needs watching over, is very stubborn and mean spirited, but my wife and I do our share of making sure she is ok and in no need of any help.
So outside of my immediate family, there is loving family out there for me. With 9 operations and the major radiation I went through which all but destroyed my body, my younger brother not one time ever came to the hospital or even checked up with me. I had more care from virtual strangers than I did from my own family.
Sounds like some form of professional counseling is in order for what you are going through. And yes, don't be stubborn about it, do it for you, and for you alone. You have to be your own best advocate, you can't and shouldn't expect anyone to do that for you. You have to care about you first and foremost, in my opinion. And there is no shame in seeing someone, and your distractors don't even have to know you are going, if you choose not to tell them.
You can see from the responses here, that we are all for you, and care that you exist. We may be on-line in this relationship right now, but assure me, we are all real everyday people, just like yourself. And we truly understand what you are going through both with your pain issues and your personal problems. No one here is a stranger to that.
So keep coming back, keep on venting, get it out of your system. Acceptance of your physical condition, and acceptance of your less than stellar family, is the first step in becoming the new you.
You are a better person than you are being treated, look in the mirror and tell yourself that. No one likes a fair weather friend, and that includes relatives that treat you that way. A real friend loves you for who you are, as you are, not as someone they expect or want you to be. It's that simple to me, and that's how I relate to those in my life.
I don't use the "friend" word loosely in my life, never have. My true friends in real life can be counted on the fingers of one hand. There are lots of "acquaintances_, but t hey are mostly people that are wanting something from me, and when the tough gets going, they are long gone and distance themselves from me. Guess they are afraid my cancer is like cooties and they will catch it.
One day at the time, and sometimes, one hour at the time, time. You can and you will make it, believe in yourself, we already believe in you.
Age: 60, 56 at PC dx, PSA 16.3
3rd Biopsy: 9/8 7 of 7 Positive, 40-90%, 4+3
open RP: 11/8, Catheter in 63 days
Path Rpt: 3+4, pT2c, 42g, 20% tumor, 1 pos margin
Incontinence & ED: None
Surgery Failed, recurrence within 9 months
Salvage Radiation 10/9-11/9, SRT failed within 9 months, PSA: Too High
Spent total of 1 ½ years on 21 catheters, Ileal Conduit Surgery 9/10,
7 other PC-related surgeries 2009-2012
Member of Prostate Cancer & Chronic Pain HW Communities since 10/2008