Ok. Last nights response, I just wrote twice, cause my phone shut off. So, it wasn't as well written, and lacked many details (which, I suppose are what matters!) that the first one did. The one I wrote the second time, made me sound like kind of a jerk. Also, more importantly, it lacked direct, individual acknowledgments, thank yous, & even a general reply to one suggestion.
Since I have a teenage son, I don't even attempt to use the computer. I use my phone, exclusively. My fingers are kinda big, so it takes a long time for me to type out anything significant, and have it be legible. Plus, this thing insists that it is so smart, it knows which letters I want to type next, & "helps me out". Also, I often hit the back, period, or wrong letter, when using the lower right corner of the keypad, so I spend a lot of time correcting things.
There is a valid reason for the above paragraph!!!
It is to let you guys know, that a reply can easily take an hour. When the phone shut off, I was mad. So, I did not take the time to include everything I did originally. In hind sight, I should have just gone to bed. I hadn't slept a wink the night before, and all I did in exhaustion and anger was look stupid. So I apologize.
Additionally, I did not take the time to answer questions, or suggestions 2nd time around.
I am grateful to have found this group. To have people that have at least an idea of what its like to live like this is great. Many people care, but don't understand. To have found a group that care AND understand, well, I can't explain it yet. Its too new. But Im grateful. And Im not grateful of much, and rarely have anything to be grateful for.
I will take any and all suggestions offered, with an
open mind. If I have been down that road, I will say so, but still be thankful that total strangers care enough to think about
my problem, when they have their own.
As I said, I will investigate the reproductive Dr. Avenue, & see what happens. All stories of success I have read, with similar sounding pains and region, have been women. That kind of sucks the wind out of your sail, when halfway through a success story, an OBGYN is mentioned!!
I promise to look into it though.
Phantom limb: I've considered. I have not totally ruled it out. I've read a lot about
these types of things. The thing w/ phantom pains, is that they tend to be successfully treated using any number of the medication combinations I've tried, particularly the ones that are used primarily for seizures and depression. The reason I have NOT ruled it out, is because ive read stories where those didn't work. It may just be that those people don't have phantom limb. Or, it may be a chemistry thing. Until Im convinced, its on my list of possibilities.
Pcp records screwing you for stupid reasons: Been there. I got a copy to give to my aunt. I hate this Dr., so I just had to read them. She had notes, that I was unshaken, dirt under my nails, dirty clothes, smell like cigarettes, & have body odor. These same complaints were made multiple (5-6-7) times. All in the middle of a work day. I fix cars, its hot as hell, its 2:30, & I smoke. of course Ive been sweating and my clothes are dirty. Not mentioned though, is that my hands and face are clean, and id bring a clean shirt, towel, whatever, to sit on. Just in case I have grease, or something on me. That one hurt. immediately I realized why I was already dismissed by any specialist/clinic she sent me to, before I walked in. I was a deemed a dirty, junkie loser well before meeting a receptionist. The damage that her foolish, occasionally false, often greatly exaggerated, notes did to my chances at help were staggering. Those same notes are at the best places in the world. Even with a new Dr, and new referrals, if ive been to that
location, I may as well not make the ride.
I found a new Pcp shortly after that. He dismissed me immediately. I've only been to him 2-3 times in past year. Only because he made me. But I now know to shave, shower, etc. Even just a 3 month checkup, a 10 minute visit, may as well be a court hearing. I stopped washing my hands and face, & running there from work, then running back. Lesson learned. But a lot of Collateral damage done before I learned it.
Journal: I've had one for years. Each starts as an empty 5 subject notebook. I gave up on it long ago, because nobody studied it, & it was the same thing, over and over. My life is pretty predictable, so I rarely have an occasions where I do something physically, that I haven't done a million times. Sometimes a task may upset me more than it should, & I would record that, but as a whole, it doesn't take a genius to spend 20 minutes, reading various excerpts from various books, spanning 11 years, to realize that its constant, & most activities can set off a signal that drops me. (I was asked to keep a journal shortly after this began, by my pcp at the time, who was fantastic, but moved down south in 08. that's how I ended up with the woman who made me look like a dink.)
I actually wrote a new reply earlier, that was much better, & explained some things I haven't gotten across properly. But, my phone shut off again, so I wrote this. It was supposed to be quick, & explain a few things that I think I need to clear up, since last nights post sucked.
***I have no intentions of using meds INSTEAD of getting the right diagnosis. But, I will not progress in life without them in the meantime. I'm going to lose my home, car, very soon. I have zero income right now. I have been selling my old Ford parts to pay bills. Stuff I will never be able to replace, cause of rarity and expense. I have only a few months worth of bill money left (in parts, I mean).
All 3 girls have birthdays this month. I can't afford a party. I had to move into this crappy house last year, when I lost the one we loved. I moved into this tiny, awful place, so they Didnt have to switch schools. All ive done is kinda sorta stayed afloat. Now, Im out of money, time, & options. Literally. I don't have time to get the right diagnosis before moving on. I need a good job, & I need it now. But, if you can't make it to the car in the morning, you end up with no job. Like me.
sorry. That was to be quick. But it was long, & I don't have time to finish. So, its
open ended a little.
Happy 4th to you all, & your families.
Mike, I went in & made paragraphs in your post to make it easier to read for those of us with tracking problems when reading. Also, please note the owner of Healing Well has rules here at the forum that he asks us to honor. One of the rules is language, since this is a family oriented site we have to keep it clean as we never know the ages of people reading these posts. I hope you understand, thanks...Susie
Post Edited By Moderator (straydog) : 7/4/2013 1:31:05 PM (GMT-6)