Posted 8/29/2013 4:02 AM (GMT -6)
Whomever you spoke with at SS fed you a line of BS. That statement is ridiculous since most disabled recipients have ongoing treatment. We continue exhausting our options throughout our life! I personally will be gone from this life hopefully before I exhaust all options.
I pretty much have exactly the same lumbar situation as you and they also recommended fusion to possibly stop the progression of deterioration, clue recommended making it "elective " surgery. Its not a do or die just as none of my 6 knee repairs. My gallbladder was do or die.
I did not have the fusion since I was a single Mom with several children and not much support or anyway to ensure safely caring for the kid's. No way I would've or could've trusted anyone to my satisfaction to care for them while I was hospitalized and certainly not in a rehab for weeks. Regardless of my situation my priority has always remained on my kids. That's my job as their Mother.
Did it cause me more damage in the long run? Maybe, can any Dr say it did? Probably not. Had I done things different and had the fusion would it have helped? Never a guarantee to that since we have multiple folks here with failed fusions. In reality it can always make it worse.
As for the home situation, sounds to me like domestic violence runs from Mother to Son as both are making your life unbearable with mentally abusing you and you have options there as well, call the domestic violence Hotline and get out! If MIL has battered anyone whether she's crazy or sane my baby sure wouldn't be in her house and do or die surgery couldn't make me leave my child to her care.
Maybe your Mom's not willing to take off work, fly to you for an elective procedure because there are times we have to use all those old sayings to teach adult children lessons about life when they wont take our advice. The one about "making your bed " comes to mind as does If you weren't ready to make the sacrifices you shouldn't have had kids.
Somedays life just stinks but we can sit around complaining about or get up and open the windows. As a CPer you can't sit around stating why this wouldnt work, why that doesn't work or you will not survive it well. We cannot make excuses we have to find solutions.
Negativity is our greatest enemy, it backs us into the corners and beats us down, you can't fight it and pain at the same time. You can't say this wont work because of this, you have to say "I've got to find a way " to make that work! Believe me I have years on you as a CPer,parent and age in general. With alittle motivation and some old fashion gumption there aren't too many situations that can't be altered.
I didn't write this to hurt your feelings but to hopefully show you some of us have been where you are and faced the same demons and came out the otherside no worse off. Not to take everything your told as gospel as there's usually always an alternative or way around.