I understand the logic behind the importance of not neglecting your s/o. I really do. But if it's at the expense of hurting yourself, you have nothing left to offer to take care of either of you. It has to be a 2-way street with communication.
Morgan's comment about
L5/S1 for example, that area is on of the trigger areas in the spine with a lot of innervation. Just like L4/L5...damage that and you can lose control of your bladder and bowels, perhaps permanently. I love my spouse, but I also don't feel he or I need to be concerned with my having accidents in bed or changing diapers.
We have to protect ourselves first and foremost. If we don't, especially IN LIEU of "taking care" of our spouse, we're both miserable. If it's the end result you're focused on, there's always self-satisfaction.
Hubby has been with me through two hip replacements and my entire lumbar spine fused....if you think for one minute having those surgeries "fixed" me so I can now move about
freely, in bed or elsewhere, you're sorely misinformed. I am fortunate to have a spouse who has watched our marriage deteriorate before I bit the bullet to get surgical intervention, and BECAUSE he's watched me TRY, and try to improvise and see me get better and better, even with set backs,....the fact I'm doing SOMETHING means more to him.
We have gone two months without sex after my back surgery. It bothered ME more than it bothered him. He was just happy to have me back (not curled up in balls of pain ignoring my "self" and my family), he said, "Just take care of your SELF,...we'll get there."
And we do. He's healthy as a horse and that bugger, he gets better with age,...and no, I'm not the athlete I was when we met. It eats away at my self esteem. Add in our age difference, and for a woman, that can crumble self-worth.
It's not as simple as mechanics.
Gotta walk a mile in someone else's shoes to "get it."
EDIT: Thank you Peter and Mods for letting this thread develop and evolve. I think many of us keep this very important issue to ourselves where it can fester. I appreciate this forum allowing us to share.
Post Edited (Merrida) : 9/4/2013 9:31:00 AM (GMT-6)