Posted 1/16/2014 3:54 PM (GMT -6)
I would like to emphatically ^^echo^^ the above.
I agree there is a process we must go through, which is grieving. I'm still in that rocky boat, so I can sympathize with you. I was very athletic, and my job even involved me being athletic (personal trainer). When things started to degrade to the point where I could no longer do my "work" OR my "fun,"....I sank into a deep hole.
I spent 4 years in that hole, angry at myself, feeling everything from embarrassed to depressed. I kept thinking (as some people would bluntly tell me) maybe they're right, I just need to snap out of it.
Easier said than done, especially by those who don't have CP.
Part of coming to terms was finally giving in to the fact I needed a surgery. I had people around me who would make comparisons saying "well so-and-so has arthritis/scoliosis/stenosis, etc." and "they're doing fine, so why aren't you?"
This cut like a knife.
I've had several surgeries these past 2 years, six+ years out of work. I lost my "identity" when I lost my ability to be physical and athletic.
I had to define a "new me" which included accepting what this "new me" could and couldn't do.
Char brings up an excellent point, something I learned the hard way as well. I had a therapist who did not specialize in CP patients. She helped me tremendously in other areas of my life, but she was not trained and had no experience when I started to go through the last few years of my journey as things degraded.
She didn't get it. It's not her fault, she's good at what her specialty is.
But now, with that experience under my belt, I know better, and I'm going to see a new therapist who does specialize in working with CP patients. Towards the end, my previous therapist contributed to me feeling worse, not better, precisely for the reasons Char mentions. There really, truly is a difference.
I'm still mourning and still learning to come to terms. It's a process, and it doesn't happen over night. But you're not alone on that roller coaster ride, not at all! Making adjustments,....and especially accepting them, and not letting others try to convince you to go against what you know is right for you....ohh, can't emphasize enough how vital that is!
Hang in there, and keep posting. We all get it and understand. Compassion all the way around.
My time for tears will be at my Victory...not at the start of the War. ~~Vickie