I am a little over 5 months out at this point. Finished PT, only missed one day of work due to pain. I am still on the same drugs as last time and moving more toward 3 percs a day. PT restored more range of motion than I had before, but it was 6 weeks of ever increasing pain that they just called weakness. As soon as I stopped going I instantly felt better. It may have been treating my muscles but it was seriously irritating my nervous system.
I started out doing PT in the morning, in my undershirt to keep my button-up looking OK. My undershirts are tank tops as I run hot. about
3 weeks in I had "an attack" that became moderately severe. During this my Phys.T and I noticed waves of small red bumps welling up across my body. I started noticing this with every attack and I noticed that if I performed my neck stretches in a certain order I could trigger this every time. I have for the most part used this as feedback to know what I should do during those moments of thin medication or in general when I begin to feel the pins and needles. The rash lasts anywhere from 5 minutes to 35 minutes and my Neuro. says it is basically a histamine response (hives) and can be alievated in similar ways. I'm opting for avoidance.
PT ending was one of my best days. The more PT I attended the more each tick of the clock was willed into being by me. The constant grinding of the pain left suicidal thoughts in the back of my mind 100% of the time. I have a very morbid/sardonic sense of humor anyway. . .but these thoughts really started working out the intimate details of my suicide.
Around this time we made some new friends who are older than us. One is still a practicing psychologist and just chatting with him about
nothing in particular has motivated me to see someone. I am losing my neurologist who was the only one that ever believed turning my neck could trigger a full body rash even in my face above my injury. My PT has really stepped up and promised to support me with percocet, valium, and whatever else I need provided my urine tests turn out as they should. This has provided a small mental boost.
I live in New England where medical marijuana is in various states of legalization. In a very odd moment with my neurologist discussing my pain doc cutting me off of narcs he said something to the effect of my seeking alternate herbal therapies *wink*. This has been advocated by some friends of mine as well, but I have resisted. I mentioned it to my PT and even she said it was a valid choice for which she would not eject me from her practice. . .but she would not be able to prescribe narcs for me if my urine were to test positive for marijuana. I set up an appointment with the pain psychologist through my PM clinic, urine tested, got new script
s and left.
So through a weird confluence of the streams of life I will be meeting with a marijuana expert this weekend. I hope to pick his brain about
the possibilities. I am happy with percocet at the moment as it does not seem to be affecting my thinking or judgement, but I will consider all alternatives. . .even if I dont try them.
As far as the surgery and PT go, both consider me a success. I have a great range of motion and my fusion is healing well. My pain is 5-7 on my current drug regimen and is presumed to be due to the cord damage. I cant keep operating at this level much longer, so I am probably just going to up my percocet for now, but I'll wait until saturday. Whatever solution I use, it must have minimal effect on my thinking. . .that is the only function of my body I have left to sell and the wife is still unemployed.
To end on a dark note that I dont think is suicidal per se. I have never been scared of death in my entire crazy risk taking life of rock climbing, mountain biking, freestyle biking, and motorcycle knee dragging. . .but it has a different meaning to me these days. I would not mind dying right now. . .this is what scares me. I don't intend to die right now, I'm not looking to get into an accident or anything, but if I got hit by a bus or struck by lightning I'd have no complaints other than leaving my wife with a large hole in her life. It doesnt seem to be a healthy thing to feel this way.
If you've read this far, thank you for your time. If you have any thoughts on any of the above feel free to interject. I will try to log into this here more often. . .I'm just a very busy dude and was more so with almost 2 hours of PT twice a week.
PS I moved my PT until after work and that was a major mistake. It was much better to get it over with and be bone tired all day (but on the clock ;)) than to will myself through PT and drag my carcass home to pass out with a drink in my hand on the couch as soon as I walked in the door.
My alcohol use has increased significantly to hold off on increasing the percs. That is having its effects on my digestive track (mainly reflux). I'm not drinking at work or secretely or anything like that, but I've been pretty liberal after work. I am going to tone that down and have gone tozero for at least a few days while my esophagus heals.
Post Edited (therabidweasel) : 11/29/2014 9:37:52 AM (GMT-7)