Posted 7/26/2014 6:12 PM (GMT -6)
Hello my Healing Well friends (and those I don't know),
My name is Tina....... and I've been on HW since 2008 as a member, and a few years as a Mod. Months ago, I have to take a leave of absense for something going on in my life. I expected it to only last a few months..... but there has been plenty of delays - and on most days, it's all I can do to BREATHE.
The simplest way to say what happened is this - 15 months ago - we found out, through a police investigation, that two of our sons (I have 8 children) had been molested by their teacher. Both had him for 5th grade; the younger of the two was in his class when he was put on "suspension", pending the investigation.
He was arrested, charged with 150 counts of lewd and lascivious acts upon a minor and put on a $10 million bail. We are 1/2 through a trial that has rocked my world and then some. Having to see two of your kids testify is something NO one should ever go through.
There is plenty of evidence - from a District that covered up past allegations, lack of mandated reporting, millions of things on his computer that was destroyed but a computer guy recovered them, child **** and on the list goes. Much of it is too disgusting to even go into.
I've been vocal during this trial........ decided to do media - because I wanted my children to know that there is NO shame on any of our parts - the shame is what this pedophile did. That's where the shame is. But I've been made out to be the crazy woman from hell :) (which is just fine with me). When a mother's children have been hurt, it does turn you into the Mother Bear from Hell. (This is not knocking fathers, and I'll just let your mind wander to what my husband wants to do).
In a week or two - this will rest in the hands of 12 strangers and they will have to make the call regarding the verdict. I can't even let my mind go there......... because, to this point, even with all this hell, I still want to believe the good in people, and that they will make the right call.
So, that's where I've been. I've thought about this board probably every other day. This used to be my "home" and my little volunteer job. But I knew it was left in good hands......... and I'm sorry that I just disappeared but I couldn't share at that point what was going on. I had to process it and try to make sense of such a senseless, world shattering situation.
I still suffer Chronic Pain. But the emotional pain that this has caused far outweighs what my body feels. I'm on meds for both (physical and mental stuff)........ but even those only help so much. It's something that I will just have to work through and comes to terms with. And - as a side note - my boys are healing, as much as possible, during this trial. True healing won't begin until after this is all said and done.
So, I will be back when I can. But I got a message from one of my bestest friends from this board..... and it made me realize that I wanted to share with you guys what is going on. Please don't feel like you have to write anything back. If you could do anything for me - it would be this:
My children were taught from a very young age what was "inappropriate touch". But where we failed was to teach them that pedophiles groom you........ and mess with your head, to gain your trust and they use tactics such as telling them they are loved. Well "love" doesn't cross into these lines. If you have younger children, there are wonderful books out there, and some great online resources. If you need any of those resources, please email me.
Anyway, I've missed you all tremendously. I wish I could rewind to a simpler time, when we were all a bit more innocent and a bit more naive. But that's not possible. All I can do now is go forward, speak our truth, heal our family - and try to start picking up the pieces.
I wish you all lots of positive vibes on your Chronic Pain journey, or anything else going on in your life. I probably won't be back regularly until after this is all settled and done. But I will be back (why did Arnold Schwarzennegars' voice just come in my mind? lol........ see I still can laugh!!).
Much love and peace to you all -- Tina (Mom to 8 kids, or whatever my screenname is, dang it's been too long).