Hey PD...I'm sorry for your loss of loved ones. I KNOW personally how that feels, having lost close to a dozen of my family members within a year. One was my dad, another my precious uncle who chose to leave, the others were close aunts and uncles who died from cancer and diabetes related issues. It was TOUGH to say the least, as several of the deaths occurred around the time of 9/11/2001, exacerbating the loss, fear and heartbreak. Your pain will ease with time, but will not be "healed". You will simply learn, in time, to deal with the loss and remember the HAPPY times you spent together. Tears will still be shed, but hopefully down the road, happy tears=)
As for your pain med issue...I cannot imagine having that problem, though I've read horror stories of CPPs who have to purchase a safe to keep meds under lock and key. I'm sorry you have to live with such angst. Do you REALLY HAVE TO?
You've gotten excellent advice from previous posts concerning speaking with your doctor. I AGREE. Please DO NOT go into his office and open your proverbial veins of home issues with him. It will go very badly. The atmosphere of pain management, IMO, is already one of suspicion and "guilty until proven innocent" in most cases. Your doctor does not want to hear that you cannot control your own meds. Please don't jeopardize your future and cause it to be filled with pain unmanaged.