Posted 11/9/2014 1:56 PM (GMT -7)
poplargrove I can empathize with just about everything that you have said! I will tell you though, it is really easy for resentment and silence to take over a marriage when you have a situation such as yours. And it can happen for both of you, but for different reasons, and it can make for a very unstable situation. I have been through it, so I know! Honestly I don't know how you can make a spouse, understand exactly what your going through? I couldn't! But I do know that without at least trying you never will!
For me I never did feel I could get my spouse to understand my pain, or to even go to marriage counseling. And after close to a year of going by myself, something my counselor said to me early on, finally took hold, or sunk in! "You are only responsible for your own happiness! You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness and no one else is responsible for yours! If you are not happy in your situation, then it is up to you to change your situation to where you are happy or stay in your situation and accept your unhappiness!
I had been unhappy for a very very long time, and as I said before it takes two to make a marriage, and it takes to destroy a marriage, and also tkes two to repair it!!! With all that said, I finally had had enough! I pulled myself up by my boot straps, and made my decision! It was the hardest decision I had ever made! One I wish I would not have had to make! But I did, and I have no regrets!! It just, is what it is! I had been married for over 35 years, so it wasn't a decision that I took lightly, nor was it easy to do! I just looked at it this way, if I was going to have to live alone then I might as well be alone doing it! I do encourage anyone reading this to do everything possible to avoid getting in this type of situation to begin with! I know you really cannot make your spouse or partner feel or even understand your pain, or to participate in actively mending or repairing a troubled marriage, but it can not hurt to try! In the end though, it is up to you to do what you feel you have to do!
No easy answers here, but maybe experiences of others like myself, can provide some wisdom and insight and be of some help.
I do wish you and everyone in this type of situation all the best!