I am just totally in awe of WB's upbeat spirit prior to surgery today. I pray that everything went well for him and that he has a speedy recovery. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE reading about
his baking and candy making, shopping, wrapping, mailing, and OCD cleaning of his house. Wow, I could certainly benefit from a infusion of his positive energy.
Instead, I'm just DRAGGING my feet toward Christmas, hopeful I will get some "magical mood elevator" that will return me to my DRIVEN OVER-ACHIEVER ghost self of Christmas past. I'm not getting the relief I'd hoped for by enrolling in PM. Both my pain levels AND my moods are all over the place. I've always been a master of disguising both the pain and the rage, but sadly I'm mad at the world.
I can't do this to my husband.. He deserves the Christmas Holidays that he loves. I will prevail over the pain and depression and hopelessness, as always, to go through the motions of the "most wonderful time of the year". Our tree is decorated, as our wreaths are hung across the font 6 windows of the exterior of the house. We have our wooden deer sillouettes in the back of our property with spotlights, then lights are strung throughout the trees. It all LOOKS festive, but I just don't feel any of it this year. I know that Jesus is the reason for this season, and I pray to him for the personal strength it will take to bring my family (siblings) together. Otherwise my husband an I will be alone like we were for Thanksgiving.
I still have all of my baking and candy making to do. We LOVE sausage balls, and make an 8 lb. sausage/6 lb. cheese ratio w/huge box of Bisquik. Thank heavens for my husband, as he's the cheese grater, and dough maker. Then we both roll and bake, and roll and bake, and...We also make Italian Liar cookies which are basically dough with butter, cream cheese, flour, sugar, pecans. After baking, you toss the while warm into powdered sugar. They're called Liar cookies because you can't lie about the fact that you've eaten them w/powdered sugar all over you. We usually make Toffee, dipped pretzels, etc. For the past 2 years we've skipped the pretzels and opted for tossing seasoned Chex Mix and a can of mixed nuts in melted white almond bark. When it cools, break into chunks. It satisfies that sweet/salty craving more easily than pretzel dipping. We have a praline crunch that is scrumptious like pecan pie candy. It's made with Quaker Oat Cereal, boiled Karo and sugar, then tossed w/lots of pecans before baking until crunchy. It's TO DIE for...addictive, even=) We bake our Splenda treats separately for the residents at my mom's nursing home. Most are diabetic, so we make packages of Peanut Butter cookies sugar substitute for them.
Gotta get to bed. Today's been crazy busy. Tomorrow promises to be even more so. I just wish I weren't haunted by sadness, loneliness and heartbreak.