Hey Ang...You've already gotten several "viewpoints" here, but I want to add my ((HUGS)) of support. I agree with basically every post here on this thread. I LOVE what Daesin said..."You have friends. We just haven't met."
I also completely understand where you are coming from...feeling hopeless and alone. I can relate to your pain, both physical and emotional. I feel your angst in your posts, sweetie. I am truly sorry for your suffering. I, like BTL, have no answers for you. I am such an analytical person (heavy on the anal part). I am a problem solver, yet I cannot fix this trainwreck of my body. I often weigh the pros and cons of drinking hemlock tea. I, too am exhausted from this so-called life.
As MG said, each of us must have a "passion"...something we're willing to fight for. Though that may not be your answer, it can certainly be your question...You're a fellow Dixie Darling. We're born and bred to FIGHT. I know there are days when the fight feels like it's been kicked out of us. Think of that niece that you adore. She NEEDS you in her life. You can do as HT always says..."Flail your sword and steady your shield".
(((Hugs))) of support to my cyber sis=)